i hate it here.

i relapsed today i dont know why, i feel so guilty i dont know what to do. i feel like fucking shit i dont think i can keep going anymore life is starting to get pointless to me. but i cant leave my cousin shes my bestfriend and i can tell she needs me, i wanna be there for her but i cant keep fighting these thoughts anymore, i've been struggling with suicide thoughts since i was 8 im 11 now, i wanna leave so fucking bad but i cant.