Is it normal to hit a child for refusing to eat or finish food?

During my childhood I spent a significant periods of time living in China with my paternal grandmother who didn't like my mother due to race and often limited contact. When times were good Mama could have then rudimentary webcam contact. B/c in China you go to school until the evening I would come home and almost immediately Mama would be calling to see and talk to her children. I would be talking to my mother and my Chinese Grandmother would put food and tea in front of me trying to make me eat. B/c of food allergies I always ate poorly and after a few bites would say I was done and give back the dishes. My Chinese Grandmother would push the dishes back in front of me and demand in Chinese that I finish the food and when I didn't she would be holding up her hand threatening to hit me and my mother would be like "don't hit my child!" like it was unusual to hit a disobedient child. Now my 1 year old son when he refuses to eat I threaten to smack him and Mama is still like "What the hell is wrong with you?! You don't hit kids for not eating!!"

But that's how I was raised....

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

4meAndyou · F

I am so sorry that you had to endure that treatment as a child. You KNOW that holding up your hand and threatening to hit your child is NOT normal, or nice in any way...because you KNOW how YOU felt when your grandmother did that to you.

I was hit by my mother, very regularly, whenever I "mouthed off" or "gave her sass". But it was my father who scared me to death with the faces he made when I didn't want to eat a nasty bowl of Campbell's pea soup. I ate the entire bowl of soup with him sitting there watching me while I cried and ate it. I still hate canned peas, and canned pea soup to this day, and I won't eat them.

I resolved that I would NEVER be like my mother, and that I would NEVER hit my own child. I lost it just ONCE, and behaved exactly like she did, and hauled off and slapped my son hard right across the face. I was horrified at my own behavior. I apologized to my son as soon as we got home, and I explained WHY I was apologizing.

In China, there are huge cultural differences, and wasting food is almost like a crime to those who experience real hunger while they were growing up...but YOU did not experience hunger. YOU have it better, and YOU don't need to threaten your child. You will end up with a fat child who is scared of you.