How does self love/acceptance work?

I can't help but feel that my interpretation of it is simply that it is a coping mechanism and isn't based in reality. I really struggle with the thought of learning to love something I objectively strongly dislike. It feels like pretending.

I have become obsessed with my external features, because I've learned from being formerly overweight (and from observing people around me) that your looks will largely determine how you are treated by others, and especially the level of respect you get. I was treated as an annoying burden and a nuisance at my heaviest (about 30-40 lbs overweight), and sickeningly sucked up to comparitively by those exact same people at my thinnest. I have watched girls who were objectively prettier than me (petite, blonde, straight hair, big eyes) yet were mean-spirited and immature, and/or unprofessional and completely incompetent at the subject matter (in professional settings) get immediately treated with more respect than me, even when I was kinder and/or more knowledgeable and professional. I will admit, I have an enormous confidence problem that at this rate, I'm unsure will ever be resolved, but I don't believe for a minute that that's why I've gotten dirty looks by other women I've never spoken to before and why men treat me like the dirt beneath their feet, and as if my existence is an annoyance to them. That has to be due to my appearance if we've never met or spoken prior.

It's even harder to like, let alone love, myself when not only am I unhappy with many things about myself, but that feeling is corroborated by seemingly everyone around me. Other than very biased family and friends, I am not viewed as attractive, and therefore not deemed worthy by society. As much as people love to pretend that doesn't matter, society and the way it works cannot be changed and you're left only with the choice to deal with the fact that you'll never be respected because of it no matter what you do or what kind of person you are on the inside. My personal experiences with people have shown me that very, very few people actually care about anything besides looks, or at least don't find looks overwhelmingly more important than any other aspect about a person.

So, if you have pretty much nothing to go off of that supports a logical reason to love or accept yourself, how do you? I feel it's impossible when I objectively dislike so much about myself, and have seen that the vast majority of people who have met me agree with me without even needing to say it.

req89hikowquou

Unfortunatley society is based mostly for looks for womem and for men its how smart you are and how rich you are that detrrmines how people will treat you and how much leverage youll have.. Because with men, youre never going to be treated good no matter what especially, if yoir average or ugly in looks which is the majority. The only way to be treated good if youre male is to buy it in some way or accomplish something like join the army working as medic, firefighter , political figure etc etc and even then its still not garanteed but they will never be respected just as they are like a women can, that's not how it works, unless theyre extremely attractive and lets be honest theres almost no such thing as that since even with good looks for men it's still not enough . Now for women its alittle easier you just have to be pretty or pretty atttactive or higher and you can have leverage over people that way, even for free sometimes depending how desirable you are and how much you're willing to give . But. If youre not iether attractive or pretty you will at least have to be useful or be deemed unworthy and even be treated badly for seemingly no reason by almost everyone whether people tell you or not, except maybe from people of a similar kin, while the other more attracitive women will be picked over the lesser attractive ones, in waiting lines, clubs, in converstations, relationships and so on. sometimes the more attractive women can even get in places for free like backstages, clubs, luxury boats & even maybe some concerts while the lesser attractive women and everyone else have to still pay as normal. however, being an average women is still considered "hot" these days but, being an average male is still seen as ugly in todays standards. In other words men and women are not the same. but women do have it much much easier even the average ones. My advice if your not pretty at all as a women you can atleast try evrything you can to be average as that is still considered attractive by todays standards