Do you ever find yourself in a predicament where you wanna talk about your life with someone but choose not to because you worry too much?
Once in a while, which is getting more often these days, I wish I could.
My circumstances are pretty unique on its own.
Sometimes, I wanna talk to an actual living person.
And I know people are there to talk too, but they never felt sincere. Or most don't. Like they don't know how to keep things to themselves, and it just felt they don't wanna talk for my sake but just so they could know more about me to gossip about with other people.
So I don't tell people much.
I have learned to keep the things I want to talk about the most to myself.
Time and distance are factors too, I guess. Because I rarely ever go out.
But I also just don't think people will understand and accept my choices of choosing to support family. And I'm not sure they won't encourage me to take a chance and leave or do something else.
I mean, people who know my situation tend to ask if I resent my family or imply in one way or another that they are burdens. I do not want to see them as that. I did before. I do once in a while.
But at the end of the day, I am choosing this anyway. For myself and for them.
So yes, I want to talk. But I want the support of a friend, and not someone who thinks they know better or worse, someone will just judge me or my family.
Sometimes, it feels like being an eldest child and a breadwinner tends to have its own meaning. It feels like you're a cute innocent puppy who turned into a rabid dog for survival. And you can't be a puppy anymore, and people see you've changed but they never truly get why. But even if you can, you won't, because you have people and things to protect.
And people around, those who knew you from before and those you keep around, they just don't seem to get it.
That you aren't looking to change your life with just you...and that you being better, means your family gets to be better too. And you just need someone to help you find that peace and strive and help you, support you, be there for you and them too.
But who would understand that right?
Who ever could?
That Cinderella chose to heal her family's hurts and turn them into better people by staying on their side and being there for them instead of going to the ball. And she's okay.
But sometimes, she thinks of the castle too and the prince she hasn't met.
And no, fairy godmother, if you wanna help me, then help them too.
That sometimes, she talks to herself because she needed to assure herself she's doing the right choice. That her life has worth and meaning. That even like this, there is more in life she could find.
Who to talk to when your definition of a fairy tale isn't at all like how other people see it?
Who would learn to love you the way you think you need? Support you the way you wish someone would?
There is no resentment in love.
But I also wish I have help sometimes.
My circumstances are pretty unique on its own.
Sometimes, I wanna talk to an actual living person.
And I know people are there to talk too, but they never felt sincere. Or most don't. Like they don't know how to keep things to themselves, and it just felt they don't wanna talk for my sake but just so they could know more about me to gossip about with other people.
So I don't tell people much.
I have learned to keep the things I want to talk about the most to myself.
Time and distance are factors too, I guess. Because I rarely ever go out.
But I also just don't think people will understand and accept my choices of choosing to support family. And I'm not sure they won't encourage me to take a chance and leave or do something else.
I mean, people who know my situation tend to ask if I resent my family or imply in one way or another that they are burdens. I do not want to see them as that. I did before. I do once in a while.
But at the end of the day, I am choosing this anyway. For myself and for them.
So yes, I want to talk. But I want the support of a friend, and not someone who thinks they know better or worse, someone will just judge me or my family.
Sometimes, it feels like being an eldest child and a breadwinner tends to have its own meaning. It feels like you're a cute innocent puppy who turned into a rabid dog for survival. And you can't be a puppy anymore, and people see you've changed but they never truly get why. But even if you can, you won't, because you have people and things to protect.
And people around, those who knew you from before and those you keep around, they just don't seem to get it.
That you aren't looking to change your life with just you...and that you being better, means your family gets to be better too. And you just need someone to help you find that peace and strive and help you, support you, be there for you and them too.
But who would understand that right?
Who ever could?
That Cinderella chose to heal her family's hurts and turn them into better people by staying on their side and being there for them instead of going to the ball. And she's okay.
But sometimes, she thinks of the castle too and the prince she hasn't met.
And no, fairy godmother, if you wanna help me, then help them too.
That sometimes, she talks to herself because she needed to assure herself she's doing the right choice. That her life has worth and meaning. That even like this, there is more in life she could find.
Who to talk to when your definition of a fairy tale isn't at all like how other people see it?
Who would learn to love you the way you think you need? Support you the way you wish someone would?
There is no resentment in love.
But I also wish I have help sometimes.
