A fun fill in the blank.

@ShadowSister you should be you, period. I care about you my friend but you shouldn’t be anything for anybody. You should only ever be you for you.

@DarkHeaven Back in the '90s, there was a song that a local artist used to play at open mics that was called, "I Want to be a Lesbian for You." The singer wrote it about being hit on by this straight guy despite the singer being a lesbian. The guy basically wanted to cross-dress. I remember thinking it was very funny back in the day.

I found out earlier this year that that local singer has transitioned, is now taking testosterone, and is now presenting male. And in retrospect, I kind of think that song was low-key transphobic. But that's how we all were back in those days.

@ShadowSister we didn’t know any better. some things we were trying to be cute but looking back it’s so cringe. and honestly, so not me. wish I could go back because there were clearly times I myself unintentionally made moments not feel safe or inclusive for those trapped in a wrong body as assigned at birth. I just didn’t know. It wasn’t intentional… but it still makes me kinda sick thinking about it.

@ShadowSister but also… there are girls that are situationally gay, but for the most part straight in most situations. and we can’t dismiss their experiences on it either.

@DarkHeaven I am like those girls, except situationally straight.🤣

@ShadowSister not far off that for me either, my friend. I’m like 99% gay… but… lol

@ShadowSister no gold star here. lol

@DarkHeaven None for me either. It's a problematic term anyway.🤣

@ShadowSister my wife is gold star, though. She’s never had a doubt who or what she is… in every situation. I’m so jealous of her conviction. She’s amazing.

@ShadowSister agreed about the problematic term. There’s not tiers of lesbians. We all find our own path… in our own way. Past is largely irrelevant.

@DarkHeaven If I was a gold star, I don't think I would use the term. I understand that we use it more for fun than anything, but I don't like creating different "tiers" of lesbian.

@DarkHeaven Looks like we're both saying the same thing at the same time. 😁

@ShadowSister

@ShadowSister we usually do… like a lot. lol

@DarkHeaven I'm not entirely sure I'm done with guys. 🫢

@ShadowSister as you know, I’m married now… but even if I wasn’t, it’s highly unlikely that I’d ever be with another man. Not impossible but highly unlikely. I just don’t get there sexually.

This was a reply that I wrote a while back ago on a friend’s coming out post. 🖤

[quote]Orientation can and does change over time. It’s a complex thing having to do with base attraction, biology, brain chemistry, thought processes, and even feelings. And there’s also a difference between romanticism and sexual attraction. For me at this time, I’ve come to believe that I am and probably always have been Demi-romantic, so I can and have fallen romantically for a guy but as far as attraction and orientation, I’m pretty much full on homosexual… so unless they just want to be plutonic lovers… it’s basically headed for disaster. Plus, I’m very much a high libido and very sexual person and it’s not something they can ever fulfill because I just can’t get in the right mindset for that with a man. It sounds like you are the male version of me. I know that you love and adore your wife on a romantic and feelings level but the passion is just for same sex, as it is with me. My ex Jacob was a great person, very attentive, and literally adored me (I tried pushing him away but he wore me down with his kindness and care.) So, due to that… when I let him be with me (which wasn’t that often honestly,) I’d often try to close my eyes if he was going down on me and try to imagine it was still my ex Toni before him. Due to the huge differences between a woman and a man going down on you, this rarely if ever worked… and usually I’d just have to get myself off later after he was done and had fallen asleep. I just had kind of resigned myself to just being unsatisfied sexually… and he was very attentive both sexually and emotionally, I’m just not wired for guys like that, so he was kind of wasting his time, but he sure did try. He even suggested we bring a girl in once, which if you knew Jacob was totally for me and not him. He adored everything about me and didn’t want to share me with anyone, including another woman. I declined as I knew that while that would help me sexually in the moment… it would end up being the end of us, because that’s what I really wanted… was a women, just a woman. I could tell when I declined that he was relieved… I think part of him knew it too… he was just desperate to make me feel fulfilled. You can only fake it so much before an mindful and attentive lover… figures it out. I cared for him deeply, but it’s probably a blessing that my life blew up and we ended. I could have never been what he wanted and deserved… no matter how much he adored me as a person, and he could never be what I needed either. At some point, we might have even started to resent each other. I had really tried to be that for him because he was so sweet, but we can’t really be what we’re not or feel what we don’t. He told me one time that he wished he could just live within my thoughts. He loved my creativity and passion for life. He was always saying sweet things like that to me. I do truly wish him well. I know sexuality is somewhat fluid and can and does change over time but I feel that I’m much less fluid now… and I’ll most likely never be with another man. So in conclusion (Haha,) I guess this long ass book of a reply was just my way of saying I totally get it.

[/quote]

@DarkHeaven Yeah, I don't know about any of that. It's why I've spent the past several years being single. Yes, sexuality can be magical sometimes. But when it's not, it's miserable. And I would rather just be single than have a relationship that isn't working.

As for guys, I have a few freaky things I would like to try. Not stuff I feel comfortable posting publicly though. Maybe that stuff will happen or maybe it won't.

@ShadowSister I experimented a lot all through my twenties, so I get that. That’s kind of over for me now. I’m just married… and that’s all I need at this point. She’s my forever. 🖤

@DarkHeaven It's good to have someone like that. I am happy for you.

@ShadowSister I’m praying for you. A few people are in my dailies from here. You are one of them. 🖤🙏

@DarkHeaven This made me cry. Thank you. And also... wow. I don't know what to say. I'm stunned. I...wow. Thank you. 💜

@ShadowSister didn’t mean to make you cry. It’s just important, ya know? 🖤🙏

@DarkHeaven It just really caught me off guard. In a good way. But also in an I-don't-deserve-that kind of way. I guess I just have a lot of emotions right now. Thank you for thinking of me. It really means a lot. 🤩