I don't do anything productive anymore

I used to be such a bookworm and such a lover of learning, but I haven't watched or read anything in many, many months. I sometimes read a few pages from an old novel I have, but I haven't done any serious reading or learning of any kind in a long time. I pick up a book, feel disgusted and put it down. I feel like books have failed me because all the time I have invested in them didn't help me achieve anything real.

I'm basically blaming my lack of many real life skills on the fact that I used to spend all my time reading and trying to learn more... (and I know this is utterly ridiculous, but that's where I am now). I sometimes come across interesting books and download them but I can't get passed the first or second page. Yesterday I downloaded "The Diary of a Nobody" and "Excellent Women". Old books, good reviews, but I'm not reading them

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Ontheroad · M

Maybe you are just going through a period of depression?

nothereforpeople · F

@Ontheroad I think so. I'm just so full of negativity, and I feel like I have failed miserably and that nothing can ever be fixed (although I know this is not true, but you can't help how you feel sometimes). I feel pretty low all the time, from the moment I open my eyes. I think about death a lot and although I know I'm not ready to die yet, I think "what's the point of my being alive?" . The last time this happened was in 2020. For months, I was under a lot of pressure, and in the end I had a really bad seizure

aah anyway, sorry to bother you with all of this. I think the solution is for me to travel a bit... I think a change of scenery and being away from my family would do me good and rid of quite a bit of negativity, but I can't go anywhere right now, partly because my parents disapprove and partly because I have kind of lost the will to save myself

Sorry for all this blabbing. Enjoy your day