Oh dear , welcome to the club of broken dreams, i am a gold card holding member.
but, there is still hope! Its true that disasters dont just happen, they are a series of events, cascading failures. Look into your past but dont spend more time than is needed to understand how you got here, maybe you made a deal with a devil from your past and it is paying dividends now, or you made a wrong turn that has led you to where you are now., you can go back and face that devil and agree with it or choose to prove it wrong.
Point is, you still have the future, to figure out what you want from life and how you are gonna get there.
A passage from a book im reading:
The Buddha's 2nd noble truth deals with the ideals of human craving for certainty, and the causes of suffering.
In a teaching that he gave to a skeptical follower named Malunkyaputta, he likened the asking of questions about the ultimate nature of things to a man wounded by an arrow refusing to have the arrow taken out until all of his questions about who the assassin was, where he came from, what he looked like, what kind of bow he was using, and what make of arrow had been shot had been addressed. “That man would die, Malunkyaputta,” emphasized the Buddha, “without ever having learnt this.”
------ from 'thoughts without a thinker' by Mark epstein.
