Adults 30+ How do you handle everything?

I am a member of a 12-step group called Sex Addicts Anonymous. In my case, my addictive behaviors were mainly on the internet, but there are plenty of members of my meeting who were having multiple affairs before they got sober.

My advice is this: sex in a relationship, or even just for pleasure, is one thing. But sex to fill a void, sex to numb the pain of life, is something else entirely. The latter can become an addictive drug. And I know lots of people who are in AA and SAA, and they all say that sex addiction is by far the harder of the two to overcome.

The way I get through life is to use the extra time I have (as a result of not spending hours online in pursuit of elusive and unreliable satisfaction) to pursue things that refresh my spirit. In my case, reading, walking in the woods, star gazing, listening to music, prayer, journaling, meaningful online conversations, breakfast with friends, are some of the things that help me.

But, there is more to the mystery: after adopting a more sober attitude, a lot of those things in life that caused stress become easier to address. My relationship with my wife improved, my job became less stressful, my self-loathing slowly lifted. The 12 steps, which I assume you are familiar with, are not just about abstinence. They are, as one member of my group (who is a member of AA, NA, and SAA) puts it, about learning to "living life on life's terms." And a lot of that is the ability to be more connected with other people.

I know what it feels like to think it is impossible to face life without some sort of addiction to escape to. I get what you are saying.

But I also know what it is like to get beyond that.

Well, i already recovered from drugs and a shitty life style. I got my scars early in life. Some times you have to learn the hard way and scrape whats left of your life together. You do gain strengths from overcoming hardships but if you havent already found yourself in that position id avoid it. Substances make you ignore it temporarily
but wreck you in the long run. when you fuck up some scars last a long time..

Heres a tip i learned from life; dont turn to something to bandaid your emotions. Like dont drink to feel better, Dont sleep around to keep up your self esteem etc. Then you never solve your issue and learn to rely on that for support. Only you can change how you feel about yourself or how you handle things. The only real way to solve emotional problems is to work on yourself.

Decide who you want to be and how you want others to percieve you and become that way. It might take some work but you will become who you truly want to be.

If I sat down and to describe everything I have been through and everything I am going through...you would wonder how the heck I have been sober for all most 6 yrs straight.

How do I do it? A lot of back road driving and screaming. 😒

Tbh I don't really know. I guess I have learned to not have feelings about certain things, so I don't get overwhelmed and let down too much.

But I am a medical marijuana patient. Weed helps with the anxiety, pain, nausea and sleep. I try to exercise and get outside daily. I write in my journal and do extensive self care. Eat healthy food and take good care of my son.

I also have a FWB. He is junk pretty often, but at least it's something to blow off steam on Friday and Saturday night.

I don't love what I'm saying 😂 It's sad actually. How much society expects from us. It's too much.

The best I can say is escape reality and make your own sub reality. Make a happy place to escape to. All the stress isn't even real tbh

I wish I had some wisdom I could pass along, but the truth is I don’t. I just kept moving forward… focusing from minute to minute on small things that fed my soul, and nurtured that small flame of hope still alive inside me. Sometimes it was just driving for hours….sometimes it was listening to that one song that seemed to speak to me, over and over…..or at night, when all the pain of loss and despair seemed overwhelming, I walked quiet streets, under the stars, concentrating on the stillness and trying to absorb it. Sometimes I held on by the slimmest of margins, but I held on and I’m still here.

I don’t do drugs or drink alcohol. I think that’s your first big step right there to getting it together

I worked too much and got too tired to think about stuff.

Thinking about my long term goals helps a lot