I just want to share my feelings….

I just wanted to share this about me even though it’s hard for me to do this. It’s taken some time in therapy to realize what’s it’s meant and how it relates to my childhood.

When I am insulted about my appearance offline or online and the reason it bothers me so much.

As a child I was a victim of sexual abuse (I will not go into detail). He used to tell me what a pretty little girl I was. I can still hear him saying it to me.

As I got older I started to hide my femininity because I did not want to be considered as pretty. I guess you could say I was a Tomboy. I would wear baggy shirts, track pants. I really didn’t want to draw any attention to myself.

Right after I finished high school I started to dress more feminine. I felt more comfortable with it. I never wore any make up. After my second child things just changed and I felt better about myself.

I started to wear dresses. I taught myself how to apply make up. I started to feel somewhat good about my appearance. Then social media really exploded.

I joined Experience Project, I never shared my picture publicly there and when I had in private message I was met with some pretty awful comments at times. EP closed and I joined Similar Worlds and I still wouldn’t share my picture on posts because I was far too self-conscious to do that.

I started to feel like it would be okay last year to show my face, so I did. I have got some pretty awful comments and some posts about me which honestly have made me cry and want to leave. I know I need to grow a thicker skin, I am trying too.

I just can’t seem to feel comfortable in my skin and because of what that man said to me. It doesn’t help having my husband affirm my feelings or completely ignore me.

When people make positive comments about me you really don’t understand what that means to me.

I am still trying to work through everything and at times I am not sure I will ever get to a point where I have peace.

Thank you for reading this 💖