I just want to share my feelings….

I just wanted to share this about me even though it’s hard for me to do this. It’s taken some time in therapy to realize what’s it’s meant and how it relates to my childhood.

When I am insulted about my appearance offline or online and the reason it bothers me so much.

As a child I was a victim of sexual abuse (I will not go into detail). He used to tell me what a pretty little girl I was. I can still hear him saying it to me.

As I got older I started to hide my femininity because I did not want to be considered as pretty. I guess you could say I was a Tomboy. I would wear baggy shirts, track pants. I really didn’t want to draw any attention to myself.

Right after I finished high school I started to dress more feminine. I felt more comfortable with it. I never wore any make up. After my second child things just changed and I felt better about myself.

I started to wear dresses. I taught myself how to apply make up. I started to feel somewhat good about my appearance. Then social media really exploded.

I joined Experience Project, I never shared my picture publicly there and when I had in private message I was met with some pretty awful comments at times. EP closed and I joined Similar Worlds and I still wouldn’t share my picture on posts because I was far too self-conscious to do that.

I started to feel like it would be okay last year to show my face, so I did. I have got some pretty awful comments and some posts about me which honestly have made me cry and want to leave. I know I need to grow a thicker skin, I am trying too.

I just can’t seem to feel comfortable in my skin and because of what that man said to me. It doesn’t help having my husband affirm my feelings or completely ignore me.

When people make positive comments about me you really don’t understand what that means to me.

I am still trying to work through everything and at times I am not sure I will ever get to a point where I have peace.

Thank you for reading this 💖

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Ontheroad · M

What strikes me is how incredibly strong you are. Let's forget for a moment how beautiful you are, and instead look at how much pain you have been through, and how you have struggled, fought and are continuing to do so.

What you have been through coupled with an unsupportive spouse and ugly comments from others would break many. You instead fight back, you take the blows, feel the pain and yet stand tall and continue to fight, continue to reach out and continue to be kind instead of imploding and screaming out in rage against the world that has been so unkind to you.

I see many here, and in real life, who have let the pain in their life turn to bitterness, to anger, to hate, suspicion and worse, who have more or less given up fighting.

Not you, you instead have committed yourself to becoming a stronger, better self, a person who can be free to think of herself as a uniquely kind, beautiful and loving person. You reach out, allow yourself to share your pain and even though some still look to hurl pain and insults at you, you continue on.

You are not just beautiful, you are an incredibly strong and worthwhile person.

Screw those who do not see this in you, who offer no support, who can't see the beauty of you. They don't deserve you. And, thank you for letting those of us who do see this in you in... we think you rock!

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

@Ontheroad That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much. You truly have no idea what it means to me.

I find it hard to be positive at times with all of this chronic pain and every time I see a specialist there just seems to be something else that is wrong. That’s my issue and my pain. No one else deserves to be made to feel badly because of it. I won’t say that I haven’t done or said things I am not proud of but I will always apologize if I can.

There is just way too much negativity in this world. People are self-centred and only think about themselves and I get it but when I say or do something I try and think about who it will affect and if it’s going to be positive.

I know I find it frustrating at times when people have no considerations for others. I am the person that will compliment a stranger because I have received them and it’s just nice to hear good things.

Inside I am pretty broken but I am trying to heal myself, not sure I will ever get to the point where I want to be but I am going to keep moving forward 💖.