Got a reminder on the weekend that my big life decision was not in vain
So....its a long dramatic, generationally spanning, sad and socially damning story.
But long story short, an ex friend lost her son yesterday.
In custody.
After a shooting and stabbing. (He being the shooter).
Thing is - this is the nearly the same way she lost her husband a decade and a half ago: Confronting and arguing over drug crap, drug heighted emotions and drug gotten weapons....and then all shit broke loose and people died.
This is the shit i left behind.
My partner didint die so much as i saw him drown in all the underworld bureaucracy and unspoken "laws" and lifestyle that came with it.
He became one with it.
The person i knew was gone.
I get that when inside it, its hard to see how dysfunctional it is.
But seriously.....when someone you love dies!?!..... that's gotta be the Alarm Bell 👍 ringing right?
...esp when you have kids.
I saw her son grow up from a little tacker. He's played in our pool. Came to birthday parties.
She and i used to chat over coffee while our kids ran about and laughed.
But ...power is a draw card.
When you work your way up in this "society" , its hard to let it go.
.....and some people don't want to let you to go.
Sometimes i feel like a failure.
I lost , well, just about everything besides my job when i walked out - with a few pieces of old furniture, my clothes and a tv.
I look at my life now and it makes me angry how much i had to throw away to get free.
Starting again at 50 SUX !
But today.....today i see i still have both my children. And that old life and nearly all the people in it are gone.
Me leaving, forced their dad to make a choice....amazingly he made the right one.
So we are broken family. Much has been lost and will never be recovered.
But now i thank my stars that i did what i did.
Because a mother is grieving today.
Grieving her young son who is the same age as mine.
Grieving, in denial that her choices to stay, didnt impact his decision to live a life exactly like his dad's.
And thats a tough pill to swallow.
And a tough thing to live with.
😔
But long story short, an ex friend lost her son yesterday.
In custody.
After a shooting and stabbing. (He being the shooter).
Thing is - this is the nearly the same way she lost her husband a decade and a half ago: Confronting and arguing over drug crap, drug heighted emotions and drug gotten weapons....and then all shit broke loose and people died.
This is the shit i left behind.
My partner didint die so much as i saw him drown in all the underworld bureaucracy and unspoken "laws" and lifestyle that came with it.
He became one with it.
The person i knew was gone.
I get that when inside it, its hard to see how dysfunctional it is.
But seriously.....when someone you love dies!?!..... that's gotta be the Alarm Bell 👍 ringing right?
...esp when you have kids.
I saw her son grow up from a little tacker. He's played in our pool. Came to birthday parties.
She and i used to chat over coffee while our kids ran about and laughed.
But ...power is a draw card.
When you work your way up in this "society" , its hard to let it go.
.....and some people don't want to let you to go.
Sometimes i feel like a failure.
I lost , well, just about everything besides my job when i walked out - with a few pieces of old furniture, my clothes and a tv.
I look at my life now and it makes me angry how much i had to throw away to get free.
Starting again at 50 SUX !
But today.....today i see i still have both my children. And that old life and nearly all the people in it are gone.
Me leaving, forced their dad to make a choice....amazingly he made the right one.
So we are broken family. Much has been lost and will never be recovered.
But now i thank my stars that i did what i did.
Because a mother is grieving today.
Grieving her young son who is the same age as mine.
Grieving, in denial that her choices to stay, didnt impact his decision to live a life exactly like his dad's.
And thats a tough pill to swallow.
And a tough thing to live with.
😔
