I Am Afraid of Failure
My addiction is running strong, it's crept back in. It does this as I face the realities of 8 years of misdirection. A degree course falsely chosen, not acknowledging my gifts of working with the human mind. I fear acknowledging this past, the reality that I have spent so much of my Dad's hard-earned, racked up so much debt in training. Denied my chances of future funding for training.
The future looks hard. I will start from the very bottom. In fact, I already have - working at a fast food place. But my eyes are in the right direction this time at least. Well, I have two directions. One is a new political system, like what Uber did to taxis. I want to do that to global leadership. I have a plan for online forums branched into government departments. We, the populous, put forward ideas which are then summarised and voted on. Politicians would then cost it and we would agree or disagree to charge that cost into taxes for the following year and implement the project.
The other way is counselling, psychotherapy or clinical psychology. I have just understood that the key difference between clinical psychology (apart from needing a doctorate for clinical psych and not the others, expensive...) is formulation: assimilating assessment of the patient with a diversity of therapeutic models (a plethora, perhaps) and devising an individual treatment plan to be agreed with the client. I believe the same technique could be applied by a sufficiently knowledgable counsellor... And it probably is. I think the difference is in the healthcare setting vs private setting. But I'm an outsider, I don't know.
So now I face this whole new world, having just JUST brought mine and my fiance's finances up to zero again. I don't know how well we'll be able to keep that up in the near future (wedding, travel, honeymoon, potentially baby coming up)... But for now I'm at ground zero with her.
And I want to retrain.
It's a damn hard reality to face, especially knowing there's a choice to be made between which professional career to choose before I can even embark.
I've visited many counselling places where I live, to ask more info. They all say take the basic certificate and you'll gain a lot more insight. I think I will. There are other uncertainties preventing me from booking one, but I definitely will.
The future looks hard. I will start from the very bottom. In fact, I already have - working at a fast food place. But my eyes are in the right direction this time at least. Well, I have two directions. One is a new political system, like what Uber did to taxis. I want to do that to global leadership. I have a plan for online forums branched into government departments. We, the populous, put forward ideas which are then summarised and voted on. Politicians would then cost it and we would agree or disagree to charge that cost into taxes for the following year and implement the project.
The other way is counselling, psychotherapy or clinical psychology. I have just understood that the key difference between clinical psychology (apart from needing a doctorate for clinical psych and not the others, expensive...) is formulation: assimilating assessment of the patient with a diversity of therapeutic models (a plethora, perhaps) and devising an individual treatment plan to be agreed with the client. I believe the same technique could be applied by a sufficiently knowledgable counsellor... And it probably is. I think the difference is in the healthcare setting vs private setting. But I'm an outsider, I don't know.
So now I face this whole new world, having just JUST brought mine and my fiance's finances up to zero again. I don't know how well we'll be able to keep that up in the near future (wedding, travel, honeymoon, potentially baby coming up)... But for now I'm at ground zero with her.
And I want to retrain.
It's a damn hard reality to face, especially knowing there's a choice to be made between which professional career to choose before I can even embark.
I've visited many counselling places where I live, to ask more info. They all say take the basic certificate and you'll gain a lot more insight. I think I will. There are other uncertainties preventing me from booking one, but I definitely will.
36-40, M
