I Want More Self-confidence
I just want to document about myself as an individual. Let my actual thoughts flow rather than reading opinions from articles.
Actually having an opinion myself rather than seeking help from other sources. Let my heart and soul tell me what I really feel.
Really though, what are my intentions in life? It’s like one of those days where you sit down and wonder; who am I?
I’ve been through a lot of shit; call them unfortunate or a learning experience - brand them as however as you like.
Occasionally, it feels like it has weathered me down to a hollow husk of my former self. I feel that after that incident in my 2nd semester, 2018, it has inevitably regressed me into a constantly insecure pessimist. So here am I, to find out why is this so and how can I fix this. I know that I need to fix myself, it’s important for me to take care of myself first, before I can tackle anything else. Focus on one thing at a time - and it starts with you (me).
I have a loving relationship, I had friends in Australia, I have friends from my home country, I have no hobbies, I have a loving family.
This are the possessions I believe that I currently have. It’s not much, but perhaps satisfactory while I’m in my home country. But I’m still quite insecure of myself. I remember before the incident happened, I had friends. A group of friends that I’m happy with, that I can be myself with. Maybe you can say that my whole world crumbled when I lost her, leading me further from the group that I used to belong to. Why do I desperately crave for a place to belong to? Why is it that important to be part of a group? Why are we such social creatures that require approval to validate our self-worth? Why couldn’t we find it within ourselves? Me, myself and I?
Do I need to change myself? My perspective? Is it me, or is it them? I’m suddenly reminded of the book; 7 habits of highly effective people. I remember reading it for a bit. It does teach you how to be efficient and self-sufficient. Not to mention the regulation of emotions. One thing to note about taking care of myself - I need to manage my emotional well-being. As a woman, my emotional state dictates the direction of my life and the perspective that I have about it. It affects my thoughts and actions for the day.
Thankfully, most of my emotional state (especially when it’s negative) resets upon sleeping, as I’m ready to tackle the day with much need optimism. Sometimes, I may not recover all of my optimism, but some of it. Fair enough, I’d think. It’s a good coping mechanism for stress, but it doesn’t really solve the root of the problem. I’m just escaping or burying the problems. And true enough, they do resurface from time to time. Can all my problems be solved? I don’t think that’s possible. Can it be managed? Perhaps. What should I do about it? My mood, my perspective and values will predict the success rate of solving problems. What do I do?
I feel like a confused wreck. I feed myself with so much information from articles, hoping that they’ll guide me in the midst of my mess. However, I get so many different opinions for my own good, that I’m sure that I’ve overloaded myself with too much information for me to comprehend. I’ll clip the phrases or sentences that I agree with, but I don’t particularly come to a conclusion. Perhaps I’m just lost in the sea of words and tips. I forgotten how important it is to reflect on myself. It’s actually really rewarding and comforting.
Being able to be aware of my thoughts and feelings which fluctuate constantly, helps me to keep track of how I feel most of the time. Though honestly, it can be a little flawed as I have the tendency to drop by, only if I’m feeling negative and down. But reflecting is still helpful regardless. Especially when my emotional state resets upon the arrival of the next day.
Take this as an interlude before the beginning of self-discovery and attempts to strive for improvement as an individual.
Actually having an opinion myself rather than seeking help from other sources. Let my heart and soul tell me what I really feel.
Really though, what are my intentions in life? It’s like one of those days where you sit down and wonder; who am I?
I’ve been through a lot of shit; call them unfortunate or a learning experience - brand them as however as you like.
Occasionally, it feels like it has weathered me down to a hollow husk of my former self. I feel that after that incident in my 2nd semester, 2018, it has inevitably regressed me into a constantly insecure pessimist. So here am I, to find out why is this so and how can I fix this. I know that I need to fix myself, it’s important for me to take care of myself first, before I can tackle anything else. Focus on one thing at a time - and it starts with you (me).
I have a loving relationship, I had friends in Australia, I have friends from my home country, I have no hobbies, I have a loving family.
This are the possessions I believe that I currently have. It’s not much, but perhaps satisfactory while I’m in my home country. But I’m still quite insecure of myself. I remember before the incident happened, I had friends. A group of friends that I’m happy with, that I can be myself with. Maybe you can say that my whole world crumbled when I lost her, leading me further from the group that I used to belong to. Why do I desperately crave for a place to belong to? Why is it that important to be part of a group? Why are we such social creatures that require approval to validate our self-worth? Why couldn’t we find it within ourselves? Me, myself and I?
Do I need to change myself? My perspective? Is it me, or is it them? I’m suddenly reminded of the book; 7 habits of highly effective people. I remember reading it for a bit. It does teach you how to be efficient and self-sufficient. Not to mention the regulation of emotions. One thing to note about taking care of myself - I need to manage my emotional well-being. As a woman, my emotional state dictates the direction of my life and the perspective that I have about it. It affects my thoughts and actions for the day.
Thankfully, most of my emotional state (especially when it’s negative) resets upon sleeping, as I’m ready to tackle the day with much need optimism. Sometimes, I may not recover all of my optimism, but some of it. Fair enough, I’d think. It’s a good coping mechanism for stress, but it doesn’t really solve the root of the problem. I’m just escaping or burying the problems. And true enough, they do resurface from time to time. Can all my problems be solved? I don’t think that’s possible. Can it be managed? Perhaps. What should I do about it? My mood, my perspective and values will predict the success rate of solving problems. What do I do?
I feel like a confused wreck. I feed myself with so much information from articles, hoping that they’ll guide me in the midst of my mess. However, I get so many different opinions for my own good, that I’m sure that I’ve overloaded myself with too much information for me to comprehend. I’ll clip the phrases or sentences that I agree with, but I don’t particularly come to a conclusion. Perhaps I’m just lost in the sea of words and tips. I forgotten how important it is to reflect on myself. It’s actually really rewarding and comforting.
Being able to be aware of my thoughts and feelings which fluctuate constantly, helps me to keep track of how I feel most of the time. Though honestly, it can be a little flawed as I have the tendency to drop by, only if I’m feeling negative and down. But reflecting is still helpful regardless. Especially when my emotional state resets upon the arrival of the next day.
Take this as an interlude before the beginning of self-discovery and attempts to strive for improvement as an individual.
