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I've Made Mistakes In Life

First things first, before I get this thing started I want to say that I apologize in advance for exposing some of you, even though I'm quite sure you won't even read this. It's just that I feel better by letting you know that if your name pops up on a rant it's because, somehow, you thought me a lesson.

Anyway, this is a way to unleash my feelings, once a sir that I called friend said that I was good at canalizing my feeling and thoughts through words, I don't what he meant by that, I've always found my writing kinda... inadequate.

Despite my lack of confidence I still find it a very relieving way to let some of inner voices be heard, they won’t have it another way. I feel like they’re screaming but they only hear their whisper. I’ve been feeling this for a while now and I feel like I need to take if off.

Recently, I’ve came back to SW, it’s nice being around, it’s not as pleasant as my staying on EP but still… it will do. I’ve met some really nice people throughout these years I’ve been on here. If only I had been in touch with those, nice and warming people maybe… I don’t know (yes, I’m vague).

So let’s step back in time when I first joined EP. It was a completely new world to me, and it did help a lot to get through my cloudy days. I appreciate all the people who I met and all those who helped me back then, if only I had shown how grateful I was instead of leaving you, without further explanations. I know this was an unreasonable decision, I was in the middle o break down I wasn’t thinking, all my actions were outta control, and I didn’t know what I was doing. I just wanted to run away. From what? My life maybe. So, the easiest way was fencing everyone off, building walls around myself, isolating myself from all of you, specially from you Simon, whom I ended hurting the most.

Here’s what this is all about, I want you to know that I’ve never forgotten you. You’ve always been on my mind. I know I lied to you, all we had was built upon lies, I didn’t want to face the ugly truth, and I didn’t want to face myself. I wanted to be someone else, anyone but me! I’m so sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry I disappointed you Art, you were one of the kindest and most caring person I’d ever met and yet I let you down.

I’m sorry for letting you think I had killed myself. I’m sorry I lied. From the depths of my soul, I apologize for being this miserable. I know I’m young and I have a long road to trail but starting out this way is not right. I can choose the wrong ways, the shortcuts just because they seem to be easy. They’re deceiving. They will only lead me to… nowhere, and I’m already lost.

I tried to get hit you up and it worked sometimes. Now you’re gone, and I understand how it feels to be left behind. I don’t know what happened to you. It hurts me. It hurts so see you’re moving on while I’m stuck in here. I’m not whining. I’m mirroring the reality.

It’s been 2 years now… I’m no longer a scared freshman. I’m a lost junior.

Guess things haven’t changed that much.
Writing this post and being honest with yourself is a step in the right direction. You may still be lost, but you're closer to where you want to be than you were two years ago.

I hope you keep on.
placelessboy · 22-25, M
@flumeminted: Thanks!
It is never too late to continue a friendship that you once thought was lost. I think you know that now. Your long lost friend!

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