Can't decide how I feel about myself

I am torn between thinking I am a lazy, dependent person who is mediocre at their job and thinking that I am a kind good person who does their best in everything they do. I can't tell if thinking nice things about myself is me trying to make up excuses and cover up my flaws or if it's true. I can't seem to feel good about myself unless I receive constant approval/praise from others. When I don't get that, I am unsure how to feel about myself. I know my opinion of myself should come from me and not anyone else, but that makes me scared I will turn into some sort of narcissist.