My self esteem is way too low...

It hurts when I see friends I've been chatting a lot with appear with a green dot on the homepage, only to be offline again a minute later. I've opened SW plenty of times out of habit when looking for something else and I know that could very well be why they popped up, but I can't help but think they logged in purposefully, saw I was online too and logged out to avoid me.

That feeling is even stronger when they read my message and leave without replying, while I also sometimes want to give a reply more thought. I just can't convince myself that to be the case when someone does it to me and instead immediately feel like they are no longer interested. Even if they do get back to me later 90% of the time, that doesn't stop me from jumping to that conclusion...

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OogieBoogie · F

I honestly think youre overthinking all this .
People have a myriad of reasons why they dont respond.
I , myself may be on the boards posting , but not responding to messages - all becuase;
- I may be a work, and time is limited.
- Im online , but also doing stuff at home like cooking or housework.
- or im unwinding and dont wanna get into heavy conversation.

Sometimes i leave conversations for weeks, for many different reasons : touchy topics, still haven't thought of a reply ....just dont feel like it.

Remember, this place is for fun, to destress, chill out and mentally relax.

Dont put pressure on yourself like this . You cant assume all the variables in a persons life or situation .

And its unfair on your self to think that of all the possible reasons this can happen.... its you.

You DO realise most of us are fucked up right?😂

NerdyPotato ·

@OogieBoogie I know very well this is all overthinking, but it still sucks... You're right that I shouldn't assume I'm chasing them away and that most people on here have all kinds of issues that aren't my fault either, but I just can't help it...

OogieBoogie · F

@NerdyPotato aww sweetheart 🥺

Well, I'M telling you to STOP IT RIGHT THIS MINUTE!
This sort of tjinkingis self destructive and could just be becuase of temporary negative thinking .

Go have a cup of tea, and refresh urself.

We love you.... and your humour. and interesting stuffs🤗
If we didn't like you , we wouldnt care so much now would we?

NerdyPotato ·

@OogieBoogie stopping it is easier said than done, but this does help a little. Thank you 🤗

OogieBoogie · F

@NerdyPotato Look, honestly ....it ISN'T you .

We.are all preoccupied with our own failings.

I have about 3 conversations that i SHOULD reply to ....but i just dont have the same headspace i did wjen i started them .
Do i write back and just pretend to be interested right now, when currently i cant?
Do i be fake?
Do i shut that conversation down?

....or do i let it hang until im ready to take ot back up again ?

The last option is my usual choice.

Sometimes im not very social , even though at other times i seem the opposite .

I imagine alot of people could be like this ...get sorta 'peopled out'.🤷‍♀️

NerdyPotato ·

@OogieBoogie yeah, that makes sense. Thank you very much. This has been very helpful. 🤗

OogieBoogie · F

@NerdyPotato well , i hope so.

Put it this way. I had someone who we messaged a lot. And then it became habit. And frankly, at the end it got boring and dull.
We lost our humour and wit, the topics became bland and we eventually ran out of things to say .

And i think it was becuase we got into a habit of feeling we had to respond asap.
We lost the random, spontaneity of replying when we actually had something to share or say .

It became a chore - and ruined a 3 year freidnship. No bad words, no falling out, no-one upset......it just faded away due to be pushed too hard for no other reason than 'expectation '.

NerdyPotato ·

@OogieBoogie it's true that the best friendships I've known had breaks of months or even years and we could just pick up where we left whenever there was a reason to speak again. Those are absolutely awesome. But when feeling lonely, a lack of consistency brings me down extremely quickly. It's quite a paradox, I know.

OogieBoogie · F

@NerdyPotato yeah .
I get that .

But then , thats what the boards are for.
If the feed wasnt so shit , itd be much easier to interact and socialise.

I remember when this place was buzzing and i was guarunteed of a laugh on a bad day.

Now....sometimes its just more depressing so i log off.

NerdyPotato ·

@OogieBoogie yes, public interactions help too, albeit to a lesser extend. But when you have to wait minutes for any content that's not 2+ days old, half of which isn't interesting at all, and replies are only one-sided because nobody previously interacting with it is still online, that feels like a waste of time too. Granted, commenting on that may still lead to further interaction a day later, but when I'm feeling lonely I need real time contact.