I Need to Work On My Self Esteem
Just the beginning (written 6/3/16 10:03pm)
I'm so proud of myself. Ever since my last relationship ended with a bang, I've realized that I was putting too much responsibility on my partner to make me feel validated. I realized that I needed to learn how to love myself, and know that I'm worthy, instead of waiting for someone else to tell me so.
I've been stepping in the right direction each day. It's been a journey, but I'm slowly rebuilding my confidence in myself, and the knowledge that I am worth it. Today I was especially proud of myself, because a guy that I used to talk to texted me around 12am last night, asking if I wanted to go to lunch today. The last time we hung out, he got me to open up, even though I said that I really don't do that with people, but he assured me that he was a safe person to do that with and that he truly wanted to get to know me better.
We went out and ended up talking for hours. He even stayed the night, and we talked more in the morning. Then after that day, I didn't hear back from him for weeks. My birthday was around the corner, so I asked if he wanted to celebrate with me. He responded with a text, saying he was working that day. After that, we haven't spoken for about two months. I even ended up deleting his phone number.
Well, he ended up messaging me out of the blue last night, asking about lunch. And although I really wanted to see him again (he's really funny and exciting, and it seems we have a blast whenever we hangout), I had to set a boundary. I had to do it for myself because no matter how much fun a guy is, I know that I deserve to be respected and treated like a decent human being. Not like something that you can pick up when you're bored and sat down again once you're satisfied.
I went over the situation in my head several times... He has let me down in the past, apologized, then let me down again. He's never available when I want to get together, but then messages me sporadically and at odd hours to hang out.
So in the end, I sent him a text, saying I'm working. And if he wants to do something in the future he should give me some time in advance to make the plan.
He hasn't texted me back.
And I'm glad for it.
I'm so proud of myself. Ever since my last relationship ended with a bang, I've realized that I was putting too much responsibility on my partner to make me feel validated. I realized that I needed to learn how to love myself, and know that I'm worthy, instead of waiting for someone else to tell me so.
I've been stepping in the right direction each day. It's been a journey, but I'm slowly rebuilding my confidence in myself, and the knowledge that I am worth it. Today I was especially proud of myself, because a guy that I used to talk to texted me around 12am last night, asking if I wanted to go to lunch today. The last time we hung out, he got me to open up, even though I said that I really don't do that with people, but he assured me that he was a safe person to do that with and that he truly wanted to get to know me better.
We went out and ended up talking for hours. He even stayed the night, and we talked more in the morning. Then after that day, I didn't hear back from him for weeks. My birthday was around the corner, so I asked if he wanted to celebrate with me. He responded with a text, saying he was working that day. After that, we haven't spoken for about two months. I even ended up deleting his phone number.
Well, he ended up messaging me out of the blue last night, asking about lunch. And although I really wanted to see him again (he's really funny and exciting, and it seems we have a blast whenever we hangout), I had to set a boundary. I had to do it for myself because no matter how much fun a guy is, I know that I deserve to be respected and treated like a decent human being. Not like something that you can pick up when you're bored and sat down again once you're satisfied.
I went over the situation in my head several times... He has let me down in the past, apologized, then let me down again. He's never available when I want to get together, but then messages me sporadically and at odd hours to hang out.
So in the end, I sent him a text, saying I'm working. And if he wants to do something in the future he should give me some time in advance to make the plan.
He hasn't texted me back.
And I'm glad for it.
31-35, F
