Vent bc i suck.

I dont know how i feel anymore, like im so happy and energetic talking to people but im not actually happy, idek how i feel. Atp im so mixed with emotions, one second im inlove but im also sad- wtf? And ive been selfharming all over my waist and my ex lifted my shirt when i was talking with his mom and made comments. He then proceeded to SA me after his mom left. Im not actually going to tell s1 this bc them im a fake bc i vent 1 time, sometimes im tired of myself and life.