Self harmmmm

I’m struggling really badly with self harm. Mostly just burnign myself and. I am under the burns team but I have to travel 3 hours to it as not one close to me. I am in so much pain and it is so itchy and I don’t even know how I am meant to get to my appointment tomorrow cause it hurts to walk on it. I am on medical suspension from work cause yeah of my self harm basically and I wanna go back to distract myself from it but they won’t allow me back as can’t guarantee my safety at work. They are really supportive and they was in their right to suspend me but it’s not exactly helpful for my mental health. My burns need skin graft but they won’t do it for me anymore as I’m Still actively self harm so said not going to do it atm. And the last time I went I normally have gas and air when they’re cleaning it but last time I didn’t when they was washing 2nd degree burns which is more painful than my 3rd degree burns and they used to give me gas and air for my 3/4 degree burns (they’re worse burns but cause nerve damage so less painful)and she was literally moaning at me that I was trying to move her hand out the way when it was sooooo painful. And she didn’t care. And I really feel like everyone is fed up of me. I mean she did give me a pain med 20 mins before but it didn’t help and I felt like they was angry at me and that’s why they didn’t give me gas and air. And I am so scared for my appointment tomorrow. I know its my fault but yeah. I have started crochet to try to distract myself though and I am very stressed about the girl who keeps stealing my pictures. I just need to go back to work asap to distract me but my gp needs to agree and doubt they will atm