Toxic ex relationship

I miss my ex
I want to go back into my toxic relationship i felt loved even tho i probably wasnt
I want him back so much i want to be listented at even tho he was a weird creep with his m*sturbating thing as one of his priority and he was flexing somehow at me i still want him back
I dont know how or why but i want to be apreciated again even if it was for a small amount of time i still remember venting to him and him calming me even tho this isnt healthy for me i would buy a pc and start playing games just to be with him, just to spend time with him i would try to learn how to play those shooting games
I literally have no one now to tell all i have into my soul
And the people that listened to my problems also left my heart a long time ago
I liked talking with him about business and everytime the convo would get boring i always asked he always gave me good advice and things like that i remember googling random stuff ab business just to talk with him about it i miss him