I dont really like to talk about this because

I don't like to remember it.. when i was 20 i ran away from home to go see a guy i had been talking to online since i was 18.. he was my age.. i ended up living with a guy 15 years older and getting pregnant.. he asked me to marry him but i fancied myself to love someone else and he seemed to be interested in other women himself.. so i left..

I went home but my dad who is deeply religious and disapproved of dating and premarital sex and what not.. did not approve of unwed motherhood..

And he forced me to do hard labour.. that is to say that my dad is a tree cutter by trade and he cuts down trees and hauls them away and anyway he forced me to load tree branches and logs while i was pregnant..

I ended up having a miscarriage and almost dying.. idk if he forced me to have a miscarriage by forcing me to work or if i would have lost the baby anyway .. but it didn't help

Naturally i have some resentment towards my father for.. being so proud and cruel

And i never got pregnant again.. tho i wanted a baby more than anything.. i had actually thought about giving my baby up for adoption before it was born.. but that never happened (i just wanted them to have a better life than i could have given them..)

But anyway.. i ended up marrying a guy who could no longer have kids (he had other kids previously but..) anyway..

It’s just something one never forgets..

Not having a child.. not having a life.. not being given choices..

Im almost 40 now and... it was all like another lifetime ago.. but one still recalls all the sentiments clearly 😐

I just wanted to elaborate because of my previous post.. 😐🤐🙁