I Need Someone to Talk to

Just To Hear Me Out... It seems like a lot of my friends just like to nod their heads whenever I speak or they don't let me explain the whole situation of what I'm trying to say because they don't have the patience to listen. It's like if I have ill-feelings towards certain relatives, it's like my friends find it the correct response to disagree with what I'm saying because they want me to love everyone. But I can't be that person that does. Sometimes I see more of the negative people than the good. And I want to speak to someone who will say "I get you. I'm going through the same thing as well. You are not wrong and you are not an evil person for thinking what you think." It's like when I'm honest with my parents about how I feel about certain people in my family, they agree with what I'm saying but they're pretending that I'm wrong because they don't want me to have ill-feelings about the people I have no choice but to have in my life. It's not like it was my choice to choose the family I live in. I wouldn't trade my nuclear family for anyone but as for my other relatives, in a heartbeat. Like my grandpa who sends me money on holidays but refuses to see me because he would rather play the role of the good husband to my step-grandmonster who is not my grandmother by even the tiniest bit. I personally think it's impossible to love everyone. But anyways, I just want to speak to someone who thinks that all of my thoughts are truly fine and that I'm not crazy. But sometimes talking isn't enough. Even though it does feel good to get things out of your chest, sometimes I wish the person you were talking to would try to change your life in the way you want. Like if I have dreams of having the successful career of my choosing, I would want that person to go out of their way to make that happen because that person would know that it would make me happy and my life would be complete. Or even the simple things like owning a car or an apartment. Just a person whose main mission in life is to linger to your every word and then accomplish your wishes. I guess like my own personal genie. But for now, I guess I can only depend on certain friends I have and blogs like The Experience Project to express whatever is in my heart and my head and to bring out into the open.

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Chester1980

There's nothing wrong with how you feel towards others, I have the same outlook. I always wanted someone to make things happen to me amuse but ultimately you are in control of your own destiny.

JewStar4Life · 31-35, F

I believe that too. It scares me knowing there could be a higher power that's moving me around like a chess piece. Like the path I want for myself won't happen because my future is pre-determined.

Chester1980

Ok, I always used to think we are all pawns in a game, that your script was write before you were born, but at the same time I was also free to make my own choice and decisions.

I'm still here now, playing the same game but with my rules, when I want. If the game starts to pan out and I don't like it, I change it. Whether that be ppl i socialise with it job or even something silly like buying a lunch then buying something else totally different.

babane

A little bit of randomness can go a long way

JewStar4Life · 31-35, F

In the Jewish religion, it's believed that G-d already knows what direction you are going to take before you decide. So it's like life what you said- predetermined but at the same time we can change the story and a different pre-determined outcome will occur with that change.

Chester1980

Without a doubt, I went through a period of using a dice to determine my actions, I then replaced the dice with a coin.

I often used to leave the decisions upto ppl on line to make. Submitting myself to their choices and always stuck to it.

Chester1980

Very similar, maybe I'm Jewish but not aware :-)

Would you say your quite controlling or fairly submissive? I've tried to determine what I am but I'm quite versatile as demonstrated in my dice/coin comment.

babane

I just do what I feel like doing myself.
If that is all decided already then at least it will feel like my choice. And if I go against what is decided then that makes it more interesting :D

Chester1980

Exactly :-) and if I break rules along the way and it fun, then hell yer :-)