I’m in a toxic relationship and I don’t know how to Leave [I Need Advice]

I’ve ran out on my relationship and my BF has no family , so I feel like that’s why he won’t leave me alone, I feel like I’ve found every excuse to be with him because I’m scared of him. I can’t involve cops because I feel like it’s better if I would just disappear but I know that’s cowardly but I’m scared more he may have some of his friends beat me up idk he has destroyed my apartment multiple times, I’m not happy anymore we constantly argue and he antagonizes me , he is someone I need to get away from but idk I just don’t want to go to a shelter but I can’t get him out the house if he never leaves , I feel trapped , Ever since I got in this relationship I’ve grown ptsd and I already suffer from anxiety, the best thing I know would be call the cops but the WILL go to jail this time. I’m in such a predicament I hate myself for it ! If I leave the apartment and run to a shelter he will destroy this one and I will get kicked out from housing ..I feel like o can also get help from someone in domestic violence but I know they will tell me call the cops , I’m just trying to disappear and never be in contact with him again..