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I Need Advice

I need advice. So sorry this is long, but please read and tell me what u think. So my mom died when I was 25. Her twin, my aunt is still alive. Her family of 7, lived with in 10 feet of my familys house. We were raised together. We were all like brothers and sisters to each other. I had 2 siblings, 1 which died at age 38, And my brother lives across the country. . When my sister became ill with kidney failure, my 2 female cousins came to the hospital once over the course of 5 years of being in and out of the hospital. 10 years after she passed, my dad became ill. For 6 months I was in the hospital, with my dad, more than I was at home. Everyday I went to see him or take him to various hospitals and nursing homes. And in 6 months 1 cousin out of 7 saw him at the hospital, and once my aunt and uncle visited at a nursing home (in which they stayed 15 minutes) . None of them offered to help , or even asked how he was doing. He died after a long battle.
Now a year later my aunt found she has lung cancer. So my problem is, is that I find myself not caring. I have no sympathy. My cousins come over and ask me how she's doing, and they r all so worried. Thats all I here them talk about. And since I still live next to her, she asks me to help her instead of her kids, 3 of which lives 10 minutes or less away. I dont feel like I should care . I have no sympathy or compassion for her or my cousins. None of them have ever cared about me or my family through the years. And to add to my bitterness, I have panic attacks and depression which they all knew, but none of them ever believed me. I feel bad, and I don't feel bad. What do u think?
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TheDog0 · 31-35
I think,

It could be a good opportunity to find out why they treated your father that way.

This time, they will have to tell you the story behind it if they really wanted your help.
Maybe they blamed your mom's death on him, maybe you bullied them and they are still scared of you, or something else.

Then you can decide whether you want to continue to offer your help or kindly tell her to rely on her kids more for you yourself have an unstable mental health after your father's harsh behavior in his final days.

After all, you are still neighours, and neighours can cause troubles no matter who they are. And you should lead your neighbours to fight whatever evil may come to your last breath., not for their good, but for your own good.

Make your relatives(aunt/cousins/whoever they are) your minions!!!
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@TheDog0 when my mom died, my aunt was there. Mom died in our house from an aneurysm. My aunt was there, but didn't call an ambulance. He actually left mom to go back to her house to tell my uncle what was going on. When she returned, my mom was dead. I have never blamed my aunt or uncle for that. But maybe I should have.

The hell of it is, is that I've saved both my aunt and uncles lives. My aunt called my in the middle of the night and asked if I could take her to the hospital. I did of course. And it ended up that she had an aneurysm but they caught it in time thanks to me. My uncles called me one early morning complaining of chest pain. I rushed him to the hospital and drs said his BP was too high. He could have had a heart attack, but didn't thanks to me.
I could go on about the way they've all treated me, but i wont. Thank u for your suggestions.
TheDog0 · 31-35
@melissa001 I see. It seems like they don't care much for their own lives either. It is still a good thing to hear them out, about why they don't care about lives and still ask for help when they are on the edge of life and death.

They might just change how they treat you if you hear what they have to say even without offering more help.

Think what they can give in return, at your age, I think you can use some peace and company especially when you live alone. Will your cousins help you when you ask them? If yes, it can be a good thing to build the stability of your future life. If no, what is wrong with them? Maybe just gang up with your other neighbours to protect yourself.

There is really not much advice I can give since you live alone and you know the best.
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@TheDog0 they never offer to help. If I ask, they act like its such a burden for them.
TheDog0 · 31-35
@melissa001 It's up to you then. If they can help you in an efficient way, and this act of burden doesn't affect the things to be done, it's still considerable for you, unless you have better options(like,live close to your own kids, get a better companion that doesn't make you feel bad,etc).
You have to think about your current situation which is not very good as I have seen.And don't feel uncomfortable/afraid to ask for their help. If you showed them that you have more problems than them and they couldn't help you and making excuses, they will stop asking for your help. And when they do need your help , they will have to do some thinking in their mind first.
Remind them that being relatives doesn't mean you are cheaper or more free in any way that they can't afford.
melissa001 · 51-55, F
@TheDog0 no, I'm all alone. No kids no significant other, my sibling lives across the country.
Thank u for giving me advice.
TheDog0 · 31-35
@melissa001 You are welcome.