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Why is it that some people apologize profusely for little things but never apologize for things that are deeply hurtful?

One of my sisters has said some very hurtful things to me and has never apologized for any of them. But if she accidentally bumps into me, she will say, "Oh my God, I'm SO SORRY!" What's up with that? Shouldn't the apology be in proportion to the offense? Her behavior makes no sense to me.

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TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F

Thanks to everyone who responded to my question. I think it's probably a combination of her believing that she's right about all the things she has said to me and being unaware of how this has affected me. Sometimes it feels like she just doesn't care, but obviously she does care about the little things.

I also think that it probably is easier for a lot of people to apologize for little things than for big things because they know that they will be easily forgiven. I suppose that trying to get forgiveness for big things is a much more daunting task, so some people decide that it isn't worth the effort. And maybe they are afraid that if they apologize for something truly hurtful, the person will just respond with more anger, because that is how they themselves would respond. I have been thinking a lot about this.

But in the case of my sister, I think she just really isn't sorry. It sometimes seems like she doesn't care, but maybe she's just oblivious to the hurt she has caused.

Thanks again for responding.

imAddison

It is easier to say sorry for little things. But WAY harder for the big things. Sometimes you don't know how to put it into words others you just can't even.

pearllederman

maybe they dont like to admit they did something hurtful

GoldButterfly

Because it is easier to forgive someone for being wrong than for being right, and they don't want to confess what they did.

howlandripintothefray

She and they are likely idiots

TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F

Perhaps where relationships are concerned, yes. Ironically, she is very highly educated. She was a registered nurse for many years and is now a lawyer.

dancer55

she may not realize how much her other behavior impacted and hurt you. some people are just blind to things emotional, but doing something physical to hurt you she sees.

TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F

That reminds me of an adage that kids of my generation had drilled into us when we were growing up: "Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you." What a difference a couple of decades can make in some people's thinking. But I'm afraid that my sister may still subscribe to that school of thought.

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