This is really hard to say but it needs to be said for others who have suffered at the hands of their abuser.

"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence and thereby eventually lose all ability to defend ourselves and those we love.” -Ann Rynd -

I wish I had known Ann Rynd, growing up. She was a Russian American writer and philosopher, known for her many quotes on topics such as self-value, rights, and reality.

A Good way to Lose Yourself is to Allow Injustice and Abusers to Target You

Growing up, from an infant to adulthood, I was never, ever allowed to stand up for myself. Not even once. If I was accused of a wrong when I didn't even do anything wrong, that was it. I was judged and found guilty, regardless. I never had a voice and was not allowed to speak in my defense in any way, shape, or form. I tried that once and got a beating. Lesson learned. It truly damaged my confidence, self-esteem, feelings and heart. So I kept to myself and never said a word. From then on, I felt alone, for the rest of my life. It gave me the feeling that I was invisible and didn't matter. It didn't help that I never received one word of encouragement. Not one. Nor were their hugs, and I was never told I was loved. Displays of affection, were absent in my house, yet so needed. It truly damaged my character and existence. However, my healing journey has been worth it.
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Even now, it's so stressful and hard to speak up, and really hurts, but still .... I'm standing up for myself and will never stop. I won't be silenced anymore, nor made to feel "less than".

My definition of courage, is being scared to death, but doing it anyway. And that's what I did. I will never be disrespected again. And even though I truly love everyone and pray that no one will ever suffer what I did, don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I will treat you just as good as you treat me.

I'm hoping you will learn from me, that life doesn't have to be hard. Remember this very important thing: Never give the narcissist permission to abuse you! You're the only one that controls that. And never fight with your narcissist because you will not win. The way to fight is to leave and never go back. I never knew that growing up, but I do now. And that's not to say that abuse is the victim's fault. Not at all. It just means that you can leave your abuser. You don't have to stay and take the abuse, anymore. It's okay to be scared. Get away, anyway. Love yourself enough that you demand respect and freedom to be who you want to be.

You can do it! My marriage was horrible. I had been married to an attorney at law and professional boxer. He was so demanding and controlling, and though I was so scared I was literally shaking from head to toe, I wasn't going to put up with another second of his abuse, and I left with nothing. I knew the Lord would help me make it and that's exactly what he did. Against all odds, and with only $20 in my pocket for gas and no place to go, I had prayed for God to help me and I was fully confident He would give me the strength to leave, and make it on my own. And He did. Never underestimate the love and power of the Lord. He can make a way where there seems to be no way. And I left with two very small children. So don't tell me you can't do the same and fight for yourself, because the Lord will help you. The Lord immediately helped me find help from a stranger and a free place to stay by ourselves, as long as I wanted, but of course when I found a job that the Lord help me find, I paid him rent. The Lord will come through for you too if you ask him.

If you've been programmed by your abuser to believe that you're too stupid, that no one would ever want you, or that there's no way you could ever make it on your own, don't fall for it, and once you leave, don't EVER return. God will not lead you to freedom, for you to go back, because then your life will be a thousand times worse, guaranteed. Just pray to God and wait for Him to guide you for the right time to leave. You'll know. But plan carefully. Where there's a will, there's a way. God loves you and He wants to help you. He did not put us on this Earth to be abused by anyone. You're not helpless. God gave us more resilience and perseverance than you will ever know.

Never allow yourself to be victimized.

Some abusers will tell their partners that they could never make it on their own and every time you allow that psychological record to play in your head, sooner or later, that results in PTSD and that's the reason many victims never even attempt to flee from their situation. They're so programmed and defeated, they just give up. They truly believe they are failures and they are too stupid to run their own lives and that's exactly where the narcissist wants you. He doesn't love you. He only wants to control you. I knew a lady like that and it was so sad. Her confidence and self-esteem had been beaten so badly, she believed everything her abuser said and just gave up and she was the most beautiful lady I've ever seen. She had such a sweet heart and that's usually the ones narcissists target. What they feel are the weak and submissive ones. We are no one's slave. Love yourself enough to get out. Live with a relative or friends if you have to, but get out. Someone will help you get on your feet. Do not leave without a plan, but do leave as soon as possible. Never stay in the same area and never tell anyone where you're going because you will be found that way. I knew better and never told anyone where I was going.

Never, but never, have any contact whatsoever with your abuser again. You are free for a reason. You no longer need any help from your abuser. Most of all, you need YOU. He will only try to talk you into coming back and if you've come this far, you would be very foolish to go back. I guarantee you, nothing will change. The only thing that would change before you would decide to go back is that your abuser will come crying and bringing you flowers every day and promising they will do better and that they truly love you and that they're sorry and they will even resort to tears, but let me tell you.... love to the Narcissist means only one thing....control. They never change! Have the backbone to stand up for yourself and never tolerate abuse again. Counselors are always there to help before you make the mistake of moving to hastily. Please utilize their services.