My ex husband said to me that romance is a lie.
He said that to put someone up on a pedestal devalues the entire relationship. To put someone above yourself is foolishness. To provide romance is to lie and make the other person think more of themselves than they do.
I don't know what romance is. Well, I don't know what consistent romance is. I have had those who have done romantic things for me. Back then, it always felt so awkward to receive. I didn't think I deserved that attention or care.
Like, one time, my boyfriend spent time putting sweet little notes all over my apartment when I was at work. Another time, another boyfriend labeled Christmas gifts as "From Beast, To: Beauty". Little things that even after 30 years, I still remember.
I have books in my bookshelf titled, "1001 Ways to be Romantic" and its sequel. It has a lot of good ideas about how to show someone else romance. Of course, it doesn't really do much when you are the one wanting to experience it.
My last boyfriend had zero romantic thoughts. Like none. And that honestly killed it for me. When he didn't even wish me a happy valentine's day because he felt it was too commercial, that was the end. It sounds shallow, I'm sure, to end a relationship on that. But when I have been wanting romance my entire life, that was a deal breaker. Someone who can't even take a moment to do the bare minimum on a day designated nationally for romance...just no.
I can't explain romance. I know it when I see it. When I feel it. And I know it matters a great deal to me. I need it. I need to feel important in a relationship. I need to feel wanted and cherished. I need to feel like that person is happy to see me and wants me around. Those are things I haven't felt in such a long time. Things I need to feel to know I'm in the right place with the right person.
I don't know what romance is. Well, I don't know what consistent romance is. I have had those who have done romantic things for me. Back then, it always felt so awkward to receive. I didn't think I deserved that attention or care.
Like, one time, my boyfriend spent time putting sweet little notes all over my apartment when I was at work. Another time, another boyfriend labeled Christmas gifts as "From Beast, To: Beauty". Little things that even after 30 years, I still remember.
I have books in my bookshelf titled, "1001 Ways to be Romantic" and its sequel. It has a lot of good ideas about how to show someone else romance. Of course, it doesn't really do much when you are the one wanting to experience it.
My last boyfriend had zero romantic thoughts. Like none. And that honestly killed it for me. When he didn't even wish me a happy valentine's day because he felt it was too commercial, that was the end. It sounds shallow, I'm sure, to end a relationship on that. But when I have been wanting romance my entire life, that was a deal breaker. Someone who can't even take a moment to do the bare minimum on a day designated nationally for romance...just no.
I can't explain romance. I know it when I see it. When I feel it. And I know it matters a great deal to me. I need it. I need to feel important in a relationship. I need to feel wanted and cherished. I need to feel like that person is happy to see me and wants me around. Those are things I haven't felt in such a long time. Things I need to feel to know I'm in the right place with the right person.
