Phone Dates
So, he (AB) has been calling me every night since our date (June 8th). We talk for at least an hour, and it always feels like time has gone too soon. We talk about everything, our dreams/goals, what we're looking forvin a relationship, about our life and past histories. Yesterday he told me that he hoped it wasn't too soon to say, but that he was looking for a life partner.
I don't think I've ever dated someone who approached dating in this intentional way. I have, but I think it may be rarer to find in men (at least younger men, lol)... or maybe I was just dating douchebags and ass holes the whole time, I mean, that checks out.
But anyways, in a round about way, talking with him validates what I had been feeling all along in my last relationship. I wasn't crazy, even though he (AJ) said I was. He had said that I make big things out of nothing and that he thought I had Borderline Personality Disorder (which no one has ever said to be in my life, and I'm actually a therapist who is qualified to diagnose that, so his manipulation tactic wasn't working on me because I am very familiar with what BPD looks like in clients...) but anyways, the relationship that I am currently building with AB validates that I wasn't asking for too much in my last relationship.
He (AB) is present. He wants to get to know me, and he wants me to get to know him. There doesn't seem to be secrets so far, and I feel like he is consistent with his words and actions. I am just so happy right now to be treated the way I know I was always meant to be. He shared that he had learned a lot in couples therapy from his divorce and that he was ready to try another relationship given the skills he's learned. He just seems like a man of reflection and genuineness. Tonight, on the phone he said he was curious to ask me a question from the Gottman '8 Dates' book. He said he realized it was kind of soon. But being that I'm a therapist, I love this kind of thing and didn't mind. So we talked for nearly 2 hours tonight, and it felt like 20 minutes. Conversation just flowed.
I just have a fear that I hope my damage from the last relationship doesn't carry over to this one. I wish I could've met him before AJ put me through the ringer, but this is just how things go... I am going to do my best to continue to heal and to bring my best self into whatever this is developing to be.
I don't think I've ever dated someone who approached dating in this intentional way. I have, but I think it may be rarer to find in men (at least younger men, lol)... or maybe I was just dating douchebags and ass holes the whole time, I mean, that checks out.
But anyways, in a round about way, talking with him validates what I had been feeling all along in my last relationship. I wasn't crazy, even though he (AJ) said I was. He had said that I make big things out of nothing and that he thought I had Borderline Personality Disorder (which no one has ever said to be in my life, and I'm actually a therapist who is qualified to diagnose that, so his manipulation tactic wasn't working on me because I am very familiar with what BPD looks like in clients...) but anyways, the relationship that I am currently building with AB validates that I wasn't asking for too much in my last relationship.
He (AB) is present. He wants to get to know me, and he wants me to get to know him. There doesn't seem to be secrets so far, and I feel like he is consistent with his words and actions. I am just so happy right now to be treated the way I know I was always meant to be. He shared that he had learned a lot in couples therapy from his divorce and that he was ready to try another relationship given the skills he's learned. He just seems like a man of reflection and genuineness. Tonight, on the phone he said he was curious to ask me a question from the Gottman '8 Dates' book. He said he realized it was kind of soon. But being that I'm a therapist, I love this kind of thing and didn't mind. So we talked for nearly 2 hours tonight, and it felt like 20 minutes. Conversation just flowed.
I just have a fear that I hope my damage from the last relationship doesn't carry over to this one. I wish I could've met him before AJ put me through the ringer, but this is just how things go... I am going to do my best to continue to heal and to bring my best self into whatever this is developing to be.
31-35, F
