Positive
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Love with a Narcissist

Have you ever gotten involved with a sneaky bastard? Someone who played you and then acted like it never happened?

It happened to me a few years ago. This guy was a pro. He would make plans and never follow through. This guy played me big time. He was stringing me along for business contacts. He thought I didn't know he had other women on the line but when i got the evidence, I blocked his ass on everything. He tried to rub my nose in it which was the final straw.
2 months later,he reached out like we were buddies. I was shocked. He acted like nothing had happened & like we were best friends. Delusional. I answered really short and sweet so he would get the message.

He reached out to me today wanting to know if I was going to a conference that we had met at. He wants to tell me how wonderful his life is now I am sure. I am not interested. He never apologized, never admitted anything and certainly didn't acknowledge what he did.

I had written a letter to him but never mailed it. However, it was time to put this to rest. I emailed it to him as response to his email. It went like this:

I want to thank you for reaching out. I am going to take this opportunity to clear the air and get closure.

In light of what happened between us and the fact there was no acknowledgement or apology, I think it is in my best interest to not connect in any way. This is not about you choosing someone else. It is about how you treated me.

When I met you, I thought you were the greatest guy, but I have to be honest, I noticed red flags immediately. I just didn’t know how to interpret them.

You were sloppy and left lots of clues as to what was going on which put me on alert. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I saw your true character in how you handled the whole situation.

You would make plans and never follow through. I caught you in lies. The real eye opener happened the last time we saw each other. I wanted to share how I had lost my daughter. You were completely not interested. Zero empathy. That was the turning point for me. I knew something was seriously wrong and started to put the pieces together. It confirmed what I thought and I decided to start backing away.

I stopped visiting your facebook page. I didn’t accept your request on IG at first. I stopped initiating all calls and messages, only responding when you reached out or if it was business related.

I guess I wasn’t so taken with you after all.

Choosing someone else is your prerogative. I understand and respect that, but intentionally hurting someone who was only good to you, is unconscionable. You knew what you were doing and I suspect you have been playing women for a long time. Once I found out the truth, you tried to rub my nose in it. That is cruel. You took the coward’s way out, hoping time would heal what happened and you would not have to be accountable.
Had you been honest, we could have been great friends. For more my sake than yours, I forgive you and I wish you well.

I feel tremendous relief but I am shaking nonetheless because I finally feel I got the final say.
RubySoo · 56-60, F
Im sorry this happened to you.
I met a person that that too. I really thought i was going crazy for a long time as he twisted, turned or denied almost everythingthat had or was said. It took me a long time to realise what was happening.
Hes messaged a few times since....'hi, how you doing, ..long time no hear'....like we're best pals. But ges blocked everywhere now so we wont hear from one another again.
RubySoo · 56-60, F
@akindheart yes. This man i knew did too.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@RubySoo they don't want to be accountable. he took the cowardly way out.
RubySoo · 56-60, F
@akindheart yeap...they do that...yet with a clear conscience. They dont have any regard for how they make other feel.
SW-User
Yeah they make you seem like you’re crazy and you start to second guess yourself. It’s all part of their manipulation techniques
akindheart · 61-69, F
@SW-User when I sent it, i was shaking but now i feel relief. I am not a confrontational person. But this Time i was not going to slink away.
bowman81 · M
He is not worth the effort nor angst. Sorry you had to go through this.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@bowman81 that is why I walked away and never went back. The letter gave me the closure I needed.
VirginMatchmaker · 46-50, M
Well done for trying to seek closure. It sounds like this was very hard thing for you to do. The guy was no good for you or anyone else for that matter.
@akindheart All you can do, is look the other way and be thankful it's not you who's his girlfriend.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@PhoenixPhail what i have to remember is that it was not me. he will always be sick. he will always have problems
@akindheart Yes. And you'll always know better than to be with him.
You'll also know what to look for in other people. And when you see narcissism, you'll steer clear. This was a good learning lesson.
Carissimi · F
I hate to say this, but I doubt he will read all you wrote, and for two reasons. Men like things short and to the point, and a narcissist doesn’t care what you think, or how you feel. They don’t care about you, and you don’t matter, unless they have a use for you. I’d rather you just ignored him because now he has more ammo to retaliate. Don’t get into deep conversations with a narcissist because they will always win.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@Carissimi that was typical narcisstic BS. they make you doubt your self...yes I am done. have been done for over 2 yrs. i don't even want a friendship or business relationship with that guy
Carissimi · F
Yes it is typical. It’s gaslighting. I stay as far away from narcissists as I possibly can. They will twist everything, turn others against you, as though they are a victim, and we can’t win because we don’t think like them, and would never do what they do. @akindheart
akindheart · 61-69, F
@Carissimi Great advice. Its amazing how they can twist things. I really feel sorry for this lady he is marrying. She thinks she got the prize...but he will destroy her too. I know what happened...and he is lieing.
Fairydust · F
Yeah it was hell, he put me through so much, Never again!

Glad you seen the light 💡😌
akindheart · 61-69, F
@Fairydust It was devastating to find out that i was being deliberately played. We hate to be so skeptical but it is wise or else we get destroyed.
Fairydust · F
@akindheart
Yeah they do destroy you, my ex nearly did, I was in a bad place at my worst, so glad I’m out of it, in a much better place but taken years of healing.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@Fairydust I married a sociopath. I was young and didn't know better. It took grief therapy over losing my daughter to get that idiot diagnosed. I never met a narcissist before. you need a PHD in psychology nowadays to even date!
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
Good riddance to any & all narcissists. They are probably the number one way and the quickest way to screw up your life.
Eddiesolds · 61-69, M
Yes. They are very evil. They are insane
akindheart · 61-69, F
@Eddiesolds I doubt he will reach out again hopefully.
@akindheart If he does, you're still the one holding the controls.
I think you'll choose wisely.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@PhoenixPhail i sent you a message. he was going to use me again for other reasons. not happening.
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
So glad you got away from this and put closure to it.
Wishing you all the very best
SweetMae · 70-79, F
I wish you a brighter future now that you can move on.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@SweetMae i got closure. i got to speak my piece and that is all that matters to me. it was also the last piece of the puzzle i needed to really hate this guy
DallasCowboysFan · 61-69, M
That was a nice reply.
You were much nicer than most people would be under the same circumstances.

You certainly live up to your user name " A kind heart"
akindheart · 61-69, F
@DallasCowboysFan thank you. it didn't do much good but bring me peace. i had read they will never accept responsibility. When i told my friends about his response, they laughed. what a liar he is
Good for you. Seeing a situation clearly when there is emotional involvement is difficult. I hope this gives you the closure you need.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@BizSuitStacy it did. he tried to hurt me but I see it for what it is.
SmoothKnight · 51-55, M
Right on! You did the right thing.

You're too good for him anyway 👍

Like my friend says, "Good riddance to bad rubbish."
That's a great letter. It's probably just as well, and, maybe even better that you chose to not mail it. Any contact whatsoever would fuel a narcissist's drive to continue his agenda with you. He's not going to change, he'll just look for someone else to play.

Consider yourself fortunate to have gotten away from him.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@PhoenixPhail I emailed it to him today. He emailed me hoping to catch up at the conference. I have no intentions of doing so but i had to get my feelings off my chest for ME not him. he could care less. He was going to use me for business contacts if i let him in as a friend.
@akindheart It's great you were able to get your feelings off your chest. I think it's good you have no intention of catching up with him at the conference. I can't help but think he's going to use you not only for business contacts, but to continue his narcissism agenda. Narcissists have all kinds of tricks up their sleeves, and they're very clever how they go about using them.
Glassysky · 26-30, M
You lack wisdom.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@Glassysky thank you. i hope we can be friends?
Glassysky · 26-30, M
@akindheart Id most enjoy that.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@Glassysky we already are friends!
SW-User
They are a waste of time

 
Post Comment