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KuroNeko · 41-45, F
@WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Good. Focus on them. Who knows, they may be the ones to lead you to love. 💚
SW-User
@WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Sorry to hear if that's what you are wanting. Maybe try to be content in yourself and who you are. We can't rely on other people to make us anything. We ain't items to be plucked off a shelf
SW-User
@WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Defo don't look on social sites, get out in the real world.
REMsleep · 41-45, F
No. I felt that way in my early 20s that no guys noticed me and that I was single for a while wondering if it would ever happen for me.
First offgo make whatever you want happen. Don't wait on anything or anyone.
Secondly enjoy being single.You never know who exactly might pluck you from the shelf and you will be wishing you had your time and peace back.
First offgo make whatever you want happen. Don't wait on anything or anyone.
Secondly enjoy being single.You never know who exactly might pluck you from the shelf and you will be wishing you had your time and peace back.
@REMsleep I don't understand though. You told me to go make whatever I want happen but then you've said that my friends are right that I should just get on with life and enjoy being single and not look for anyone. They are contradictory 1. is go out and find someone and 2. is don't look for anyone. I'm an independant and driven person already. I've always worked, live on my own have played sports, ridden horses competitively, am involved with amateur dramatics, learn new things all the time and I'm currently putting together a burlesque act. I'm not just sitting around waiting for someone. I live life.
@WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome I'm not in my 20's anymore. I turn 45 this year and as I've gotten older I've found more and more that there are less available men because they're already married or have partners. Just because I'm living my life and have friends doesn't mean I don't crave intimacy or sex. I don't like one night stands and a vibrator doesn't cut it when you want a person to share the experience with. Plus cuddles and just spending time with someone I love would be nice.
REMsleep · 41-45, F
@WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Hi,
Yes on the face of it I can see how my statements would seem contradictory.
I will have to write a lengthy explanation and keep in mind this is based only on my own humble experience.
Your mindset might be a total 180 degree from what mine was.
So my first statement was to "make it happen".
What I meant by that was to be very purposeful and analytical in seeking a partner. In my younger years I thought that I was doing this because I knew what I wanted, I had standards but they were not ridiculous standards that would be impossible to find. I didn't approach men because I'm kinda traditional and didn't want to take the lead on that.
But I knew that I wasn't meeting the type of men that I wanted. I was kind of waiting for someone to drop into my lap.
If I had to do my life over I would devote a certain amount of my time to finding the type of person that I wanted very strategically. I don't mean dating apps because I think that they have become a wasteland.
As we age as women this becomes very hard because men prefer younger or they are snatched up already as you meantioned. But men are pretty simple creatures and I probably would have catered a bit more to what the type of man that I wanted liked.
The second statement was to enjoy your life and follow your friend's advices.
By this I mean to recognize that there is a possibility that you might not find a life partner so just as a person who has lost a foot should not focus on his loss that you should be very happy with all of the positive aspects of being single because trust me there are so many sometimes I miss them dearly.
I'm sorry if it seems that I am taking your situation lightly but I assure you that I'm not
I just wouldn't want you wasting one second mourning the absence of a partner. I know you have needs and it is hard to seek a partner without lamenting the absence of one. The importance of this delicate balance is that when you badly crave a partner imo it sets you up for failure. I've seen successful smart, kind women who don't have their lives on hold still enter into toxic situations or put up with decreased quality of life due to loneliness or
at least emphasis on finding a mate.
I have also seen these women blind to red flags for the same reasons.
And part of my reasoning for agreeing with your friends has nothing to do with ending up with a bad guy but just from a philosophy of contentment.
Life is always more fruitful when we are content.
I do believe that you can seek a partner with purpose while being content with your situation.
Its hard to think that way because people can't imagine that.
That sort of contentment comes from deep inside and leave you truly free to experience all of the good things that come your way without expecting anything.
Yes on the face of it I can see how my statements would seem contradictory.
I will have to write a lengthy explanation and keep in mind this is based only on my own humble experience.
Your mindset might be a total 180 degree from what mine was.
So my first statement was to "make it happen".
What I meant by that was to be very purposeful and analytical in seeking a partner. In my younger years I thought that I was doing this because I knew what I wanted, I had standards but they were not ridiculous standards that would be impossible to find. I didn't approach men because I'm kinda traditional and didn't want to take the lead on that.
But I knew that I wasn't meeting the type of men that I wanted. I was kind of waiting for someone to drop into my lap.
If I had to do my life over I would devote a certain amount of my time to finding the type of person that I wanted very strategically. I don't mean dating apps because I think that they have become a wasteland.
As we age as women this becomes very hard because men prefer younger or they are snatched up already as you meantioned. But men are pretty simple creatures and I probably would have catered a bit more to what the type of man that I wanted liked.
The second statement was to enjoy your life and follow your friend's advices.
By this I mean to recognize that there is a possibility that you might not find a life partner so just as a person who has lost a foot should not focus on his loss that you should be very happy with all of the positive aspects of being single because trust me there are so many sometimes I miss them dearly.
I'm sorry if it seems that I am taking your situation lightly but I assure you that I'm not
I just wouldn't want you wasting one second mourning the absence of a partner. I know you have needs and it is hard to seek a partner without lamenting the absence of one. The importance of this delicate balance is that when you badly crave a partner imo it sets you up for failure. I've seen successful smart, kind women who don't have their lives on hold still enter into toxic situations or put up with decreased quality of life due to loneliness or
at least emphasis on finding a mate.
I have also seen these women blind to red flags for the same reasons.
And part of my reasoning for agreeing with your friends has nothing to do with ending up with a bad guy but just from a philosophy of contentment.
Life is always more fruitful when we are content.
I do believe that you can seek a partner with purpose while being content with your situation.
Its hard to think that way because people can't imagine that.
That sort of contentment comes from deep inside and leave you truly free to experience all of the good things that come your way without expecting anything.
strawber · 26-30, F
Wdym?
@strawber That I'll never find someone who loves me back.