When CHURCH HURT is the worst...
I am so disgusted by how a recent church hurt has made me bitter..i have been a member for 3 yrs there..baptized and everything! I was not feeling well and after a recent heart attack, less hours at work, and a shift in my mindset, i finally HAD TO ASK for a few items i clearly had no money to purchase... I asked them for eggs, a loaf of bread and half a gallon of milk, then noticing my car was running low and theres still 2 weeks left untill payday, i humbled myself, swallowed my pride and I asked for help to put 5 dollars in gas to get to my job so i can get paid.
I went before the church board and they were tellibg me how God provides benevolence funds for members only..so i reminded them i had ALREADY become a member of their church..3 years ago! They were rude and turned up their nose to me. They suggested i become a better steward of my finances...it hurt so bad that the same people who can help, who said if i EVER needed anything just ask and tgeyd be there for me...were not..😔
I walked away heart broken. How can a survivor such as myself, who stays to myself, had Cancer, a divorce, a miscarriage, facing jobless, almost homeless, now no food in my house and no gas in my car..be shunned by a loving church?
My heart is grieved to feel so alone when they said ask if there is a need...yet to turn me away when i do ask? Nothing against church people in general, but if you had a congregation member at your door step, tithed regularly, always attending services and helped behind the scenes for 3 yrs, wouldnt you want to help out someone less fortunate than you ? I NEVER shared my distress, always kept a smile on my face, always said im fine..why didnt i go in and break down there before them..crying and beating myself up over every sin ive commited and confessed? Because i thought in my pride, i didn't have tge guts to tell my problems, theres way worse than me..after leaving that church, i was walking home and got stopped by an old lady, she was so nice to me, gifted me 20 dollars, only to gossip abroad about it in bible study class, at tge last friday night service..she apparently didnt see me setting in tge back observing how im talked about..calling me a charity case looking for a hand out. Im sorry, but Jesus himself asked if someone asked for a loaf of bread would you offer them a stone?
It truly bothers me to no end when you do not tell them your problems, and they asked why do i need the cash? I tell them and next thing i know, everybody's assuming im looking for handouts..i just need a hand up! So when i got up Sunday morning, i changed churches!
This new church had no requirements to ask for help, just fill out the prayer card and leave it in the offering plate. I put down my needs, bread, milk, eggs and gas money. I prayed over it when i dropped it into their offering plate as the deacon walked by.
Although i didnt recieve anything sunday, the pastors sermon was completely what i needed to hear! He said when we are down to nothing..our God is up to something! He said God owns tge hills and tge thousand xattle on those hills, and if youre struggled to survive, tge batyle is already ine...i felt that!
Im not ashamed anymore to say I need help. My brothers and sisters in Christ should be on their knees this week praying for my needs. Im not asking for a miracle, i already am one.
I simply need blessed assurance that my presence in Gods house was noticed. Im going to keep trying different churches, not for handouts, but for prayers.
I believe God is humbling me, and im learning one day at a time i got all i need. Do i want to hurt those who made me bitter? No >i will pray for my enemies, even if the church was were they came from.
I went before the church board and they were tellibg me how God provides benevolence funds for members only..so i reminded them i had ALREADY become a member of their church..3 years ago! They were rude and turned up their nose to me. They suggested i become a better steward of my finances...it hurt so bad that the same people who can help, who said if i EVER needed anything just ask and tgeyd be there for me...were not..😔
I walked away heart broken. How can a survivor such as myself, who stays to myself, had Cancer, a divorce, a miscarriage, facing jobless, almost homeless, now no food in my house and no gas in my car..be shunned by a loving church?
My heart is grieved to feel so alone when they said ask if there is a need...yet to turn me away when i do ask? Nothing against church people in general, but if you had a congregation member at your door step, tithed regularly, always attending services and helped behind the scenes for 3 yrs, wouldnt you want to help out someone less fortunate than you ? I NEVER shared my distress, always kept a smile on my face, always said im fine..why didnt i go in and break down there before them..crying and beating myself up over every sin ive commited and confessed? Because i thought in my pride, i didn't have tge guts to tell my problems, theres way worse than me..after leaving that church, i was walking home and got stopped by an old lady, she was so nice to me, gifted me 20 dollars, only to gossip abroad about it in bible study class, at tge last friday night service..she apparently didnt see me setting in tge back observing how im talked about..calling me a charity case looking for a hand out. Im sorry, but Jesus himself asked if someone asked for a loaf of bread would you offer them a stone?
It truly bothers me to no end when you do not tell them your problems, and they asked why do i need the cash? I tell them and next thing i know, everybody's assuming im looking for handouts..i just need a hand up! So when i got up Sunday morning, i changed churches!
This new church had no requirements to ask for help, just fill out the prayer card and leave it in the offering plate. I put down my needs, bread, milk, eggs and gas money. I prayed over it when i dropped it into their offering plate as the deacon walked by.
Although i didnt recieve anything sunday, the pastors sermon was completely what i needed to hear! He said when we are down to nothing..our God is up to something! He said God owns tge hills and tge thousand xattle on those hills, and if youre struggled to survive, tge batyle is already ine...i felt that!
Im not ashamed anymore to say I need help. My brothers and sisters in Christ should be on their knees this week praying for my needs. Im not asking for a miracle, i already am one.
I simply need blessed assurance that my presence in Gods house was noticed. Im going to keep trying different churches, not for handouts, but for prayers.
I believe God is humbling me, and im learning one day at a time i got all i need. Do i want to hurt those who made me bitter? No >i will pray for my enemies, even if the church was were they came from.
41-45, F
