something one of my friends wrote
LET’S NOT MAKE A DEAL
I doubt that we can make a deal with life, much less with other people or loved ones, one that is not subject to change, and that’s because change (as they say) is the only constant. Contracts and ‘deals’ are the province of lawyers, which most of us are not.
Such ‘deals’ are only invoked when there is no inherent trust between those involved. I suggest that we all work on the trust part of the equation and not depend on deals made or understandings agreed upon. Why? Because I find that because of the nature of change, we cannot but alter and change with time; we all do.
Instead, to my understanding, the thing to emphasize is trust, trust in ourselves and trust in others, especially those we know and work with in life. Build trust.
“The Art of the Deal” is a book by Donald Trump, which should tell us something right there. Again, we are not lawyers, and there is seemingly no end to legal contracts, if you have ever had a prickly one, and I have. And even if refined, such ‘deals’ are essentially just threats to make us behave in a certain way.
This also holds true for friendships and especially for marriages, IMO. Work toward mutual trust rather than good deals or agreed upon arrangements. I know that marriage is said to be a contract, yet I question that. If we are responsible for one another, we most of all have to find mutual trust. No number of agreements or ‘deals’ will ever work as well.
If you have a problem with me, just tell me. I don’t suggest a lot of discussion, because discussion too easily falls into ‘He said, she said” or ‘let’s make a deal’ and understanding can typically spiral down into argument and mistrust. Just tell your partner what the problem is and trust that they will respond accordingly. Don’t argue is my suggestion.
And give them time to consider and respond. Build trust for mutual security and not make agreements or deals. Above all, as I have mentioned, learn to trust one another.
I don’t find too much discussion helpful. Most discussion ends up as arguments and often they spiral down into dealmaking or worse. Again: deals are for lawyers.
Say your piece and allow your partner to think about it and give them a chance to rectify it or do the right thing. Same goes for our view of their response. Give it time and consideration.
In the end, we are responsible for the welfare of others, especially our loved ones, and naturally want to do the right thing, and the same for them to us.
This is why it is so important to have a basis of mutual trust and NOT try to make a deal or agreement that is subject to change. True responsibility does not lend itself to deal making.
Both men and woman are victims of deal-making, and women in particular have historically been subject to this. IMO, nothing good comes from lawyering human relationships. Mutual trust is the key.
This is just my opinion, yet I have studied this in my own way, as well as prayed and sought spiritual insight. And one thing I have learned is that in general, women in this country (and the world) have had a tough and unfair go of it. Many have had to do what they can to survive, having to go along with what men allow them, and make do with situations no one would ever have chosen. We can and need to do something about this.
It's up to those of us who understand this historical situation to protect and care for those (women and men) who need our care, as well as for all other human and sentient beings.
So, NO DEAL.
