You are not "too sensitive or selfish". Not at all. And don't think there's anything wrong with you. There's not. Perhaps you just need to find a church that you really like and can relate to the pastor and all. If it feels off then it seems like there must be something wrong that is turning you off. Perhaps it's too ritualistic, I don't know. I do know that you love God with all your heart and he will help you in this area. Yes you can sense when something is off with a lot of folks. If you truly don't like it, give it a break, pray about it and just let the Lord lead. One should never feel forced to go to church. Just pray about it and see what the Lord says to your heart. You've gone through so much lately and have had so much on your plate that it's overflowing and perhaps you're just burned out and need a break from life and to just try and relax. Nothing wrong with that. I think you're burned out and overwhelmed with life in general. I think you're taking on too much. Please take care of yourself. Take your own time and don't rush into anything, including going to church when you just don't feel up to it or something feels wrong. God understands. I love you sister. I think you need a good break and vacation because there's too much going on at one time and you're overwhelmed with everything.
You know there was a time and I don't know how to explain this to you or anyone else, but there was a time and I'm not happy to say this or proud of it, but at the same time I wasn't going to be hard on myself. There was a time when I had to leave the church for a few years because it just became too much for me and too overwhelming and I don't even know how to explain that. But I could not be rushed or forced. I was gentle with myself though not pleased about it, but still gentle with myself and allowed myself that time and I knew that in time I would go back to church. But this was something I really needed to do for myself to keep my health. A time when just everything in my life was overwhelming me and I couldn't handle the forcing myself to do anything and God understood, just as he understands you.
I will be praying for you. I will always love you, sister. And I pray you'll always know and feel that I'm here for you without any judgments. ❤🫂
