Am I Normal?

How am I to be expected to just have blind faith? I understand the need for it..but how do people make it seem so easy to do? I feel like im losing a battle within myself, struggling to force myself to believe with a result of pushing it away even more. im trying do do all of the things im supposed to, I go to church, I do my bible study, I even help create lesson plans. I just dont know what to do. I do want to have faith, and I want to be at a healthy place in my religion but it seems that no matter what I do nothing changes and I dont have anyone to talk to about it. am I just crazy or is this part of it?