I hate being a female

When it’s that time of the month I get so addicted to junk food, but this month I can tell it’s going to be so bad because of the aches and food addiction , depression all of it. Iv been so tired but can’t really sleep, I’m trying to focus on school and I’m scared I’m just not doing enough . I’m always wasting days sleeping early instead of studying, my depression just takes over. I’m trying to be more calm with myself . All I think of is my ex and the abuse , there is times I miss him but so quickly i remind myself I never deserved the abuse and he deserves what he’s going through, he contacted me from jail, he told me he was having a hard time with the inmates I. The jail and how he has no privacy, I kinda smirked because I remember everything he did to me and my son , when he would flick him and I would hear him cry and when I intervened he would argue with me , he was evil for no reason , my son was a baby he just wanted someone to be next to him but my ex was so needy and wanted us time all the time so I just hung up and now I’ feel a bit bad for him but I don’t at the same time. It’s a constant depressive episode because of how good of a person I am . I wish I didn’t need to be mean but you gotta do what you gotta do.