I Wasted My Time On Someone
Aug4
I want to let him know I got his message but I won’t. I can’t help but think it wasn’t genuine but just attention seeking. I can’t let someone like that around again. I’ve experienced my karma and it’s time to move on. I’ve learned my lessons.
I’m at the fair and all I want is him. I see all these much more beautiful woman than me and reminds me that they were chosen over me. I have insecurity issues now. I did this to myself. I was secure with my ex and then he comes along and ruins it. I’m sad. My joy is now gone from events like these bc these are something I wanted to do together. I’m angry.
I don’t blame him bc I’m the one who poured myself into his hands as I watched myself leak through his fingers.
I keep thinking about what I should say , I want him to know. He knows I know. I know it’s not a good idea. He’s never thought about me . Not once. At least not with any emotion behind it .
I do this every day. It’s ridiculous. I will get through this.
Aug5
I called him. It felt nice to hear it ring for once. He didn’t answer and I didn’t leave a vm. I guess that’s all I needed or, wanted. Just the satisfaction. I’m not sure how it would have went in conversation but all I wanted to say was “thanks for calling “ whatever that means.
I miss him but I don’t want him back. My thoughts sometimes suggest otherwise but again, I know that’s a big mistake. Maybe so was my calling him.
I don’t want to play phone tag. I’m sorry I did that.
I’m so stupid for falling for it. Always at his beckon call. Literally.
As stupid as it is I called again. Left a vm this time. I said “sorry I didn’t leave a vm earlier, I was just calling to say thank you—- for the call” I don’t expect anything after this and I’m going to do my best to continue this internal fight. I don’t even know what I meant by that call I miss him and I know I love him. I want him to know I care but I can’t bring myself to let him know that anymore. Moving on. No more phone tag.mistake x2 was made.
I won’t fall for it again. This has been my hardest day to endure.
I want to let him know I got his message but I won’t. I can’t help but think it wasn’t genuine but just attention seeking. I can’t let someone like that around again. I’ve experienced my karma and it’s time to move on. I’ve learned my lessons.
I’m at the fair and all I want is him. I see all these much more beautiful woman than me and reminds me that they were chosen over me. I have insecurity issues now. I did this to myself. I was secure with my ex and then he comes along and ruins it. I’m sad. My joy is now gone from events like these bc these are something I wanted to do together. I’m angry.
I don’t blame him bc I’m the one who poured myself into his hands as I watched myself leak through his fingers.
I keep thinking about what I should say , I want him to know. He knows I know. I know it’s not a good idea. He’s never thought about me . Not once. At least not with any emotion behind it .
I do this every day. It’s ridiculous. I will get through this.
Aug5
I called him. It felt nice to hear it ring for once. He didn’t answer and I didn’t leave a vm. I guess that’s all I needed or, wanted. Just the satisfaction. I’m not sure how it would have went in conversation but all I wanted to say was “thanks for calling “ whatever that means.
I miss him but I don’t want him back. My thoughts sometimes suggest otherwise but again, I know that’s a big mistake. Maybe so was my calling him.
I don’t want to play phone tag. I’m sorry I did that.
I’m so stupid for falling for it. Always at his beckon call. Literally.
As stupid as it is I called again. Left a vm this time. I said “sorry I didn’t leave a vm earlier, I was just calling to say thank you—- for the call” I don’t expect anything after this and I’m going to do my best to continue this internal fight. I don’t even know what I meant by that call I miss him and I know I love him. I want him to know I care but I can’t bring myself to let him know that anymore. Moving on. No more phone tag.mistake x2 was made.
I won’t fall for it again. This has been my hardest day to endure.
