Do you feel that you never show your true self around your friends?
I have some interests and activities I like to do, but never with my friends. My friends have more "regular" interests (mainly sports) while I have more interests that don't really resonate with them. So, I feel that I never show my true self around my friends (in terms of my interests and ideas), I tend to do what they want. This is why I prefer to be in my own company, it's where I feel like myself. Do you feel the same way? What is something about yourself that is completely true but that nobody would believe? Have you ever noticed how much you lie to yourself?
When I first heard "don't lie to yourself" I was like well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard what idiot would lie to themself?! It wasn't until some considerable time later that I've experimented with psychedelics and clearly saw some of the lies I've been deceiving myself with. That really woke me up and my dumb ass realized that you're so good at lying to yourself 90% of the time you're totally oblivious of it. After that I've really been questioning my actions and their apparent reasons, as well as certain thoughts and feelings. Most of the lies we tell ourselfs are to protect our fragile egos 🙄. It's only when you question your thoughts and motives without fear of the embarrassing or scary answer that may expose you as way more of an asshole then you'd like to believe. Not to mention excuses you believe to be true that only fends of guilt about certain things you actually know you should or shouldn't be doing. It's honestly terrifying when you realize just how much we lie to ourselves. Especially if you're someone who's exceptional at rationalizing things. If you want to uncover the truth and solve a shit load of problems in your life you will have to let your ego go. Ask questions without fearing their answers no matter how embarrassing or bad they may be. Acknowledge these truths and know it's okay. Now that you know of this or that you can fix it. Seeing yourself for who you are and being able to go from there and fixing some flawed reasoning, thoughts and actions is wayyy better then not acknowledging them in the first place because your ego can't take it. This also goes the other way around although this is (in my opinion) much harder to do due to your judgement being clouded by emotions alot of the time, but knowing when your lying to yourself and bashing yourself over things that you really didn't mess up or mistakes that weren't yours. Sometimes the polar opposite could be blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong or crediting failure not to the aspects that caused it but rather to hate yourself. These lies can often be the most deceptive because often times emotions cloud your judgment and these lies pose as "the hard truths" that if you don't believe your "actually lying to yourself". For those I would suggest having someone else who you can trust to objectively give insights into your situations. Good luck and I hope you stay honest with that sexy person in the mirror! 😉 So, I should never be my true self? Has this worked with the rest of you?
I used to be my actual self. All INTJ to everyone. Funny, sarcastic, into everything.. but I noticed that this turns people off. Instead, they want you to be their vision of what they've created of you. For example. That ALWAYS happens to me, for no reason.
Having social anxiety coupled with being a people pleaser makes being yourself very, very difficult. But I said to myself " I can decide to be fake for the rest of my life, but first I wanna see what it's like to be myself for at least a day" Firstly, work was amazing. Naturally, I'm a bit goofy and easy-going, but due to wanting to be a people pleaser I become dull and boring. Essentially, I tone down my personality because I worry I'll annoy everyone around me. I started to tell the awful jokes that I laugh at and that I know are bad but make ME happy. I did get laughs from co-workers and costumers and it felt much better because it was 100% part of me and what I like. If someone told a joke that I didn't find funny I wouldn't laugh just to get them to like me, or if someone said something I didn't agree with, I didn't agree with them just to "keep the peace" I told my opinion regardless of the consequences.
When I saw this woman with beautiful eyes I actually went up to her and told her she had amazing eyes. I normally love giving complements but SA never let me speak up.
Later that day, I went for a walk and a guy strikes up a conversation with me. From the first words that fell out of my mouth I made a promise in my head to be transparent and honest with this stranger regardless of if they'll accept me for who I am. We end up talking for around 4 hours, and the conversations got deep. I told him about a lot of stuff in my life that I'd normally hide out of fear of being judged ( mainly my hobbies and the fact that I'm a virgin,etc ) those honest moments made our conversation more real and our connection seemed genuine because he actually knows ME. A big one for me, which admittedly is kinda silly, is whenever I meet a Christian. I was raised a Christian, but I kinda drifted away from religion a bit, but I still believe in God and I know about the Bible. However, in the past when I'd meet a Christian I would just say I was a Christan... From then on, I'd have to basically wear a mask concealing who I really was and it was exhausting pretending to be a perfect Christan when in reality I'm not that at all.
Should you continue to be yourself, even if no one seems to like your authentic self?
I feel like “be yourself” is probably the most common advice given on self improvement subs.
I don't like putting on fronts and acts to blend in with everyone else, especially forcing myself to socialise when I could think of thousands of other places I'd rather be.
I'm job hunting at the moment and I always get asked about my personality, hobbies, what i do for fun etc in interviews and I don't want to hide my personality and say I'm a social butterfly so I tell the truth. Have been up for jobs I'm perfectly qualified for and the interviewer seemed to like me and wha I could do in the role etc but I never get the call. I'm starting to worry it might be my personality, they wanted to hire someone who would gel with a team, be approachable, friendly etc rather than me who just wants to be left alone.
I'm getting quite desperate for a job but I don't want to have to pretend to be someone else to get it, but they're not hiring me as I am.
What if being yourself just isn’t cutting it in terms of building friendships/relationships?
I’m curious about people’s thoughts on this. I really appreciate any replies.
The guy himself was a Christan and as badly as I wanted to be accepted I also wanted to be myself, so I told him the truth and everything worked out just fine.
Stay true to yourself
Other people's opinions have much value when used to help shape our own.
If, however, we let those opinions simply replace our own, we risk no longer living our own lives, but theirs.
Soon, we may start resenting not only them but also, worse, ourselves.
Stay true to yourself.
You've got this.
It made me realize it doesn't matter if he accepts me, but I should be me regardless of what he thinks.
There's a few more examples but I don't want to have you guys reading a whole book so I'll end it here. I hope this silly little post helps someone try this to. It was a fun experiment and I'm trying my best from here on out to be me :)
So now (as a guy) I just say little as possible around 95% of the time but with a smile, and not to be an arrogant asshole. I'll let myself loose to only my close, close 3-5 friends. Otherwise people will certainly get bored of me or that I don't fit their expectations. Believe it or not it does matter. It works a lot better this way. Last year so many people let me do whatever I wanted because of this method and I'm talking security, dates, work.. it's really crazy. Just because I "look" innocent
Personally, I have NEVER attracted someone just be "focusing on myself" and "doing my own thing". Although I'm confident, I'm an average looking guy and I'm mostly around environments (including the things that I love to do) that are mostly male dominated or around mostly married folks. so women won't be coming up to me unsolicited (because I'm nothing special to look at) and I don't really meet many single women. so this advice is TERRIBLE for me.
The only exception seems to be older women, I'm talking 10-15 years older. I've almost always attracted women this much older, but for the majority of times has anyone else found this method of leaving your life a huge mystery to work out better? This year I'm trying to be as illusive as possible. See, I just don't like doing some things alone. I don't know if it was because I grew up with a sibling or what but that's my biggest problem right now. I want to share experiences with someone and that's what I'm struggling with. Look at restaurants for example, I don't want to go to a nice restaurant by myself because between the time the waiter comes and goes what am I supposed to be doing? I would like to at least talk to someone in that time instead of reddit. What about movies? I like watching movies by myself but for some reason sharing that experience with someone else is a lot more enjoyable for me. I have no problem riding my bike by myself or working out, I'm on my own schedule and it's amazing. At the same time it's nice to have someone you can open up to on an intimate level and I as someone who is recently single, it's tough.
The article did state that people who struggle with loneliness are more likely to hang out with people they don't care for which isn't me at all. I've had several opportunities to hang out with women that I don't think would really be all that fun so I forgo those opportunities. At the same time I like to remember the movie "Yes Man" because something that I took from that movie has stayed with me ever since I saw it no matter how silly the movie was. The idea was that if you never say no, your opportunities are limitless. So in the past when people wanted me to go do something I didn't think I would like, I would do it because at the end of the day you never really know. Some of the experiences were good and others not so much.
I have found myself trying to curb the loneliness by hanging out with people I DO want to hang out with but I don't think I would ever hang out with someone for the sole reason of hanging out because I feel lonely. I would wallow in my loneliness before I would let that happen. I would however like to see where I ranked on how people handle loneliness in respect to this article.
When I first heard "don't lie to yourself" I was like well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard what idiot would lie to themself?! It wasn't until some considerable time later that I've experimented with psychedelics and clearly saw some of the lies I've been deceiving myself with. That really woke me up and my dumb ass realized that you're so good at lying to yourself 90% of the time you're totally oblivious of it. After that I've really been questioning my actions and their apparent reasons, as well as certain thoughts and feelings. Most of the lies we tell ourselfs are to protect our fragile egos 🙄. It's only when you question your thoughts and motives without fear of the embarrassing or scary answer that may expose you as way more of an asshole then you'd like to believe. Not to mention excuses you believe to be true that only fends of guilt about certain things you actually know you should or shouldn't be doing. It's honestly terrifying when you realize just how much we lie to ourselves. Especially if you're someone who's exceptional at rationalizing things. If you want to uncover the truth and solve a shit load of problems in your life you will have to let your ego go. Ask questions without fearing their answers no matter how embarrassing or bad they may be. Acknowledge these truths and know it's okay. Now that you know of this or that you can fix it. Seeing yourself for who you are and being able to go from there and fixing some flawed reasoning, thoughts and actions is wayyy better then not acknowledging them in the first place because your ego can't take it. This also goes the other way around although this is (in my opinion) much harder to do due to your judgement being clouded by emotions alot of the time, but knowing when your lying to yourself and bashing yourself over things that you really didn't mess up or mistakes that weren't yours. Sometimes the polar opposite could be blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong or crediting failure not to the aspects that caused it but rather to hate yourself. These lies can often be the most deceptive because often times emotions cloud your judgment and these lies pose as "the hard truths" that if you don't believe your "actually lying to yourself". For those I would suggest having someone else who you can trust to objectively give insights into your situations. Good luck and I hope you stay honest with that sexy person in the mirror! 😉 So, I should never be my true self? Has this worked with the rest of you?
I used to be my actual self. All INTJ to everyone. Funny, sarcastic, into everything.. but I noticed that this turns people off. Instead, they want you to be their vision of what they've created of you. For example. That ALWAYS happens to me, for no reason.
Having social anxiety coupled with being a people pleaser makes being yourself very, very difficult. But I said to myself " I can decide to be fake for the rest of my life, but first I wanna see what it's like to be myself for at least a day" Firstly, work was amazing. Naturally, I'm a bit goofy and easy-going, but due to wanting to be a people pleaser I become dull and boring. Essentially, I tone down my personality because I worry I'll annoy everyone around me. I started to tell the awful jokes that I laugh at and that I know are bad but make ME happy. I did get laughs from co-workers and costumers and it felt much better because it was 100% part of me and what I like. If someone told a joke that I didn't find funny I wouldn't laugh just to get them to like me, or if someone said something I didn't agree with, I didn't agree with them just to "keep the peace" I told my opinion regardless of the consequences.
When I saw this woman with beautiful eyes I actually went up to her and told her she had amazing eyes. I normally love giving complements but SA never let me speak up.
Later that day, I went for a walk and a guy strikes up a conversation with me. From the first words that fell out of my mouth I made a promise in my head to be transparent and honest with this stranger regardless of if they'll accept me for who I am. We end up talking for around 4 hours, and the conversations got deep. I told him about a lot of stuff in my life that I'd normally hide out of fear of being judged ( mainly my hobbies and the fact that I'm a virgin,etc ) those honest moments made our conversation more real and our connection seemed genuine because he actually knows ME. A big one for me, which admittedly is kinda silly, is whenever I meet a Christian. I was raised a Christian, but I kinda drifted away from religion a bit, but I still believe in God and I know about the Bible. However, in the past when I'd meet a Christian I would just say I was a Christan... From then on, I'd have to basically wear a mask concealing who I really was and it was exhausting pretending to be a perfect Christan when in reality I'm not that at all.
Should you continue to be yourself, even if no one seems to like your authentic self?
I feel like “be yourself” is probably the most common advice given on self improvement subs.
I don't like putting on fronts and acts to blend in with everyone else, especially forcing myself to socialise when I could think of thousands of other places I'd rather be.
I'm job hunting at the moment and I always get asked about my personality, hobbies, what i do for fun etc in interviews and I don't want to hide my personality and say I'm a social butterfly so I tell the truth. Have been up for jobs I'm perfectly qualified for and the interviewer seemed to like me and wha I could do in the role etc but I never get the call. I'm starting to worry it might be my personality, they wanted to hire someone who would gel with a team, be approachable, friendly etc rather than me who just wants to be left alone.
I'm getting quite desperate for a job but I don't want to have to pretend to be someone else to get it, but they're not hiring me as I am.
What if being yourself just isn’t cutting it in terms of building friendships/relationships?
I’m curious about people’s thoughts on this. I really appreciate any replies.
The guy himself was a Christan and as badly as I wanted to be accepted I also wanted to be myself, so I told him the truth and everything worked out just fine.
Stay true to yourself
Other people's opinions have much value when used to help shape our own.
If, however, we let those opinions simply replace our own, we risk no longer living our own lives, but theirs.
Soon, we may start resenting not only them but also, worse, ourselves.
Stay true to yourself.
You've got this.
It made me realize it doesn't matter if he accepts me, but I should be me regardless of what he thinks.
There's a few more examples but I don't want to have you guys reading a whole book so I'll end it here. I hope this silly little post helps someone try this to. It was a fun experiment and I'm trying my best from here on out to be me :)
So now (as a guy) I just say little as possible around 95% of the time but with a smile, and not to be an arrogant asshole. I'll let myself loose to only my close, close 3-5 friends. Otherwise people will certainly get bored of me or that I don't fit their expectations. Believe it or not it does matter. It works a lot better this way. Last year so many people let me do whatever I wanted because of this method and I'm talking security, dates, work.. it's really crazy. Just because I "look" innocent
Personally, I have NEVER attracted someone just be "focusing on myself" and "doing my own thing". Although I'm confident, I'm an average looking guy and I'm mostly around environments (including the things that I love to do) that are mostly male dominated or around mostly married folks. so women won't be coming up to me unsolicited (because I'm nothing special to look at) and I don't really meet many single women. so this advice is TERRIBLE for me.
The only exception seems to be older women, I'm talking 10-15 years older. I've almost always attracted women this much older, but for the majority of times has anyone else found this method of leaving your life a huge mystery to work out better? This year I'm trying to be as illusive as possible. See, I just don't like doing some things alone. I don't know if it was because I grew up with a sibling or what but that's my biggest problem right now. I want to share experiences with someone and that's what I'm struggling with. Look at restaurants for example, I don't want to go to a nice restaurant by myself because between the time the waiter comes and goes what am I supposed to be doing? I would like to at least talk to someone in that time instead of reddit. What about movies? I like watching movies by myself but for some reason sharing that experience with someone else is a lot more enjoyable for me. I have no problem riding my bike by myself or working out, I'm on my own schedule and it's amazing. At the same time it's nice to have someone you can open up to on an intimate level and I as someone who is recently single, it's tough.
The article did state that people who struggle with loneliness are more likely to hang out with people they don't care for which isn't me at all. I've had several opportunities to hang out with women that I don't think would really be all that fun so I forgo those opportunities. At the same time I like to remember the movie "Yes Man" because something that I took from that movie has stayed with me ever since I saw it no matter how silly the movie was. The idea was that if you never say no, your opportunities are limitless. So in the past when people wanted me to go do something I didn't think I would like, I would do it because at the end of the day you never really know. Some of the experiences were good and others not so much.
I have found myself trying to curb the loneliness by hanging out with people I DO want to hang out with but I don't think I would ever hang out with someone for the sole reason of hanging out because I feel lonely. I would wallow in my loneliness before I would let that happen. I would however like to see where I ranked on how people handle loneliness in respect to this article.
