I Am Unhappily Married

It’s really difficult being married to an addict. I was so young and dumb when we met then got married. I believed he would grow out of it. I knew nothing about being with an addict to marijuana then when you’re out of MJ you have to have at least some alcohol. I’m tired of the excuses. I’m tired of the, “that was waste of time” (drinking and sleeping it off at a stretch of 1- sometimes 4 days). This is his excuse, I shouldn’t of don’t that, it was a waste of time. I only stick around because sometimes the good in him, fools me into believing maybe this won’t happen again.

I also stay because I don’t want our kids growing up fatherless. I also don’t want my kids to believe his behavior, explained above, is healthy adult behavior. It’s really tough. It’s a tough call.

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Icedcoffee · 36-40, F

I would give him an ultimatum if I knew I would stick to it. I asked him to leave today because he was being verbally abusive in front of our oldest daughter, and I asked him not to come back mostly because of the virus going around.

Of course he didn’t leave and fell asleep.

Now he’s just there in one room barely waking up at 7pm from sleeping the day off.

I know he’s depressed or whatever but at some point you have to want more for yourself. At some point you have to fight for what you want in life.

He talks a very good game when he’s not drinking or high. He talks a good game. But I’m starting to believe he’s just talking. I’m starting to believe maybe he doesn’t want to change bad enough. At some point I have to think about my kids and what their watching, their father’s behavior.

He says he wants the same things I want but we’ve been together long enough to see that I don’t really believe it anymore. I think he’s so stuck. I think he means well when he’s saying those things that he will change and blah, blah, blah but at the end of the day it’s the same story over and over again. If I stay in this before I know we’ll be in our 50s living the same scenarios still.

OlderDude · 61-69, M

@Icedcoffee I'll tell you this truth, and its heart wrenching.
No one will or can change for someone else. They can try, and sincerely try, but if they dont understand the 'why' they need to change, or the 'what' needs to change, then they cannot change.
It's only when they themselves, deep down come to understand, come to see that they are not the person they want to be, that they get what how they are acting, and get what has to be done to save what they have invested in,only then CAN they start to put the effort into changing
Otherwise, it's not going to happen. And it wont ever happen overnight.
It's a process.

Icedcoffee · 36-40, F

It is gut or heart wrenching, thank you @OlderDude