why did you stay?

people provide all manner of reasons
they need to justify their rationale
believe me I have heard them all before
I researched to find the reasons
I feel they are all excuses
built upon fear...all kinds of fears
I stay for the kids...seriously?
your kids see how dysfunctional it is
you are teaching them to role model
is that what you really want
to teach them what love is NOT
a long-term lesson that will stick
unfortunately
I stay because of all the time invested
I stay because everything else is great
time invested means nothing really
you have not learnt the real lesson
everything is not intimacy nor sex nor both
you are being short-changed
as you grow older your resentment builds
you grow older faster because of unhappiness
everyone needs human touch
you are not immune to that fact
pour your presence into hobbies, exercise
it will damage your psyche, your self-worth
you have choices all your life
your vows were said in good faith
if you knew it would be sexless
tell me you would have still married them
I think you know the answer now
after all these years and all the tears and all
you stay because you fear the unknown
you stay because that person is the devil you know
you have no idea how much happiness can still flow
you have no idea of your beauty inward and outward
you may stay in coldness and freeze to death
or
you may decide to love yourself enough to pack up
pick up and leave
I did it finally at age 51
let me tell you this
never, ever regretted divorcing him
just regret the years wasted
trying to fix something unfixable
of course you may stay, it is your life
you decide whether to barely exist or to live
I live happily and I pour my love into my world
live and learn is my motto
I wish you peace and love and everything blessed

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NewRaven · 51-55, F

@PoetryNEmotion, I could have written this, except I was 45. Way too many years wasted, it took a long time to figure out that i deserved to be happy too…. Way too long to figure out who I was, and undo the psyche damage. My first few nights in my mostly empty new apartment were some of the happiest in my life, and in my youngest three kids’ lives. I’m glad you escaped.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@NewRaven Raven, I divorced the cold liar when I was 51. I, too, regretted waiting so long. Thank goodness you figured out freedom was the best way to love yourself and your kids. I never ever regretted leaving. Best wishes for the best life! You are a courageous woman and mother!

SnailTeeth · 36-40

I stay, because I feel I must serve this body I was given.
I have pity for this organic vessel being dragged through this Hell I've wrought upon us.
This body is my charge.
And try as I might to shed it, it somehow depresses me more deeply and profoundly to leave it early.
My people are few but strong, they'd get over my absence.
Their lives would prevail.

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SnailTeeth · 36-40

@PoetryNEmotion The universe has been teaching me patience for the last 5 years.
It's hard not to claw at the walls sometimes, but I think the first step to turning this around would be to abstain from experience. I'm getting better at not letting my depression/emotions rule me, but I also need to try not to ride that high of minimal accomplishment into the ground. I need to build more focus.
I've finally had my fill of indolence, but it's left me somewhat high and dry.
I'm building better habits, and I'm finally moving the needle again, but it's still a pendulum.
I had to learn to stop burning myself out, grow more comfortable with the things that make me anxious. It's a lot to do without support or guidance, and until recent years I hadn't been afforded the required time to declutter my head and finally finish growing up. I've been running scared since 16, and it took me 20+ years to realise it.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@SnailTeeth Well, sounds like quite the journey. Good luck!

SnailTeeth · 36-40

@PoetryNEmotion [media=https://youtu.be/CzVDLAmoUkQ]

SailingSlow · 61-69, M

🎈🎈🎈

PoetryNEmotion · F

@SailingSlow Words, baby, words.

SailingSlow · 61-69, M

@PoetryNEmotion - No words

No words as I only wish.
Wish I had that focus.
So much is true.
Frozen blue.
The wasted time.
Angst sublime
The lonely hours.
Withered flowers.
But now I do take off
Do my own thing,
Happy in my own skin
for a month or so.
Sailing slow
or hiking out.
Being me.
Setting free.
My crouching tiger
not beside her.
But sprung on nature.
Adventure
and travel.
A gentle unravel,
of thoughts and spaces.
Saving graces.
But, I do check back in.
To where I begin.
To cut the grass
and polish glass.
The thankless tasks.
But no one asks,
“How has it been?”
Because unseen,
No one cares
Whats’ unaware.
So, life un folds
Tales un told
Un-satisfactory compromise
That will hopefully transmute
As the strange commute
From old to new
breaks down the glue.
Trips become longer.
Freedom stronger.
Reliance weaker.
Happiness seeker.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@SailingSlow Very nice. I care. Just saying...do write more. I like your words my friend. Hotta scram. Puppy wants exercise. Sash too. Have a golden day, Sailing.

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