Seeing a guy with trust issues [I Need Relationship Advice]

I've been seeing this guy for about two months. We catch up 1-3 times a week and it's basically as if we are in a relationship at this point, just without the label. He had an ex which gave him some major trust issues. When I say I'm going out with friends he always thinks it's a date or I'm sleeping with someone. I told him I value what we have so I wouldn't risk ruining it by seeing other people. He doesn't believe me, whenever I try and reason to him it just sounds like excuses. Aside from the major trust issues with me seeing other people, he's such a great and genuine person. What do I do?

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johntomSWPhd · 36-40

Understand where he is coming from, trust is built over time and you guys are a new date.

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Mistypetal · F

@johntomSWPhd how do i earn that trust when he doesnt believe anything i say?

johntomSWPhd · 36-40

@Mistypetal Well, it takes time. Relationships are difficult and in this age of speed dating, people just keep shifting around people.Well, if you want to go that way, its fine, its easier to let him go. But some gems are found after its polished. Most women wont wait that long. If you see potential in him then go for it.

KuroNeko · 41-45, F

@johntomSWPhd you shouldn't subject yourself to abusive behaviour just to see if someone will change.

johntomSWPhd · 36-40

@KuroNeko She dint say hes abusive, she only said hes insecure, she even gave the reason why he is insecure. A relationship is a two way thing.Its not just about one person. She maybe insecure in other aspects of her life, one doesnt know.

KuroNeko · 41-45, F

@johntomSWPhd doesn't believe anything she says, accuses and questions her regularly. Sounds abusive and very stressful to me.

johntomSWPhd · 36-40

@KuroNeko Questioning is not abusive, its questioning and it comes out of his insecurity, which she clearly identified. Its her choice, if she wants to work on that or not.

KuroNeko · 41-45, F

@johntomSWPhd it certainly can be abusive. I'm guessing you've never had that kind of thing in a relationship. Being with someone who doesn't trust you and constantly accuses you of cheating is a thoroughly stressful situation to be in. Perhaps if we don't know the details you should not be advising her to put up with it in hope of finding a diamond lol

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KuroNeko · 41-45, F

@Sheer constant questioning and accusation is definitely abusive.

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KuroNeko · 41-45, F

@Sheer I understand. I just don't agree.

johntomSWPhd · 36-40

@KuroNeko And you should not be advising her on whether something is abusive or not, just because you may have had personal experiences of abuse and see everything from that coloured filter. She has identified the problem and never claimed it to be abuse, has she?.You are subconsciously insinuating this to her through your own filters.The details are clear: he has a trust issue, she [b]"LIKES"[/b] all the other aspects of him, except this issue.So, i'd leave it to her to decide wether she should work on it or scoot, instead of labelling it as "abuse"

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KuroNeko · 41-45, F

@johntomSWPhd you're right. We should all put the insecurities of others before our own comfort and wellbeing. Great advice. We women are such quiters when it comes to mens needs. Silly us.

KuroNeko · 41-45, F

@Sheer that depends on the severity of what hes doing. I can only go by what the person posting has said. It's up to her.

johntomSWPhd · 36-40

@KuroNeko Well, it wasnt meant to hurt you..but really Kuro, different people are different and have different tolerance levels. We cant decide on what those tolerance levels and boundaries are, just saying.