When you know almost without question that you can never achieve a proper meaningful mutually positive relationship anymore...
Despite knowing what about the female form I find attractive (as demonstrated via the collection of images that represent what I think I like), I am not drawn to women sexually anymore since I'm convinced that my situation in life combined with my understandings about romance, intimacy, sex and relationships being one of 'torn fabric' in a virtual sense make it basically impossible to create and build connections that would ever go that deep.
I can't feel attracted to women in any tangible way where I could have any confidence to approach them in a hope that something positive may happen.
I also do not enjoy self-pleasuring as that feels wrong and inconsistent with my existence, especially with the real-world physical affects are that it renders me unable to properly function for a long time afterwards (a day minimum).
I know this will be confusing to almost everyone who feels sexual attraction is structurally inate and automatic. For me it's not, at least not anymore. If there are 'virtual walls' in the way I'm unable to see them. To me it's just all blackness where I dare not go as there is (in my view) no light to be found in that space.
I can't feel attracted to women in any tangible way where I could have any confidence to approach them in a hope that something positive may happen.
I also do not enjoy self-pleasuring as that feels wrong and inconsistent with my existence, especially with the real-world physical affects are that it renders me unable to properly function for a long time afterwards (a day minimum).
I know this will be confusing to almost everyone who feels sexual attraction is structurally inate and automatic. For me it's not, at least not anymore. If there are 'virtual walls' in the way I'm unable to see them. To me it's just all blackness where I dare not go as there is (in my view) no light to be found in that space.
