I Have No Problem With Interacial Relationships

I am in a relationship with a black man, I have wanted this for a very long time. He can be very wonderful, everything I have ever wanted in a man. He is affectionate, willing to do what we need to do to make it work,and says he is willing to change himself for the better. However I am not blind to the red flags that accompany all these wonderful traits he possesses. He is co-dependent, has a low sef-esteem and abandonment issues. Of course he does not admit to any of this and I don't tell him what I see because I feel like if you see these things about yourself it instills real change or at least a place to start for change. His behavior clearly displays all these things that I see in him. He is controlling but not as bad as he was initially and he did quit drinking the hard liquor. He is taking steps now to work on his codependency, I know change is a long arduous process and not everyone is as eager as I was to change, to change my thoughts, my feelings, to change my life and take control of my life. I was so miserable for so long, I was so eager to get out of the hole I lived in all my life. He talks a good game but when I think back, no one really knew how miserable I truly was, no one knew when I tried to commit suicide, I didn't tell anyone and I hid it well. He talks a good game but I think he talks so much because he is trying convince himself. I see him as he is and I accept him, but now I wonder what that says about me and the choice I made to get involved and stay with him.

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PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M

If he wants to change you will see it...just dont get sucked into his world.

mljenkins · 51-55, F

@PTCdresser57 That's the problem, I do get sucked back into the insanity quite frequently even though I try to remind myself over and over again to quit looking for a reason. That is why, at this point I am reflecting o my choices and how this reflects on me. Who I am in this relationship? Do I want to be this person? Who do I want to be? I re-evaluate myself all the time and continually make changes to better myself, however I see myself falling back into patterns of old behavior even though I try to fight it. I refuse to allow myself to become the miserable fuck I was before, on the inside anyway. I do not want to be that person outwardly either. I have come so far, I want to continue to be a better person for myself and the 3 grandchildren I have chosen to raise. Thank you for our response, I needed to get a lot of this out and have neglected this avenue of expression for far to long.

PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M

Keep your focus on yourself and the grand babies mljenkins. As long as you have a vision of where you want to go in life I think you will be fine.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@mljenkins All this and you're raising 3 children...? Please give yourself a break and resign from the role of amateur shrink.