How often do you run out of things to talk about with your long distance SO?
Me and my SO have been dating for just over a month, and at first, everything was great. Talking all day and night, never failing to make the other laugh, you get the pic. But lately, I've been really struggling to keep conversations going over text, skype, and phone calls. We were best friends for 2 years before we dated and we were long distance friends, she goes to school in Maine and I live in Virginia and never ran into this problem before. Now, one of the many advantages of having a person to person relationship is being able to take those periods of silence and just appreciate each other. Maybe cuddle on the couch or just hold hands and go on a nature walk. We can't do that, just be silent on the phone for extended periods of time, that's weird. I know that every single conversation isn't going to be just filled with hilarity and soul searching deep conversations, but we used to have those on a regular basis but now it just consists of me picking up the phone when she calls...Me: Hey babe Her: Hey! What's up how was your day Me: 20 second summary of my day you? Her: 20 second summary of her day Me: Well I'm glad to hear you had a good/I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day! Her: Me too!/Well it happens Me: Mhm. 3 seconds of silence I make a random observation or say something equally as lame We talk about it for 3 minutes, more silence. Rinse and repeat Every once in a while we'll have one of the old conversations like we used to have, but it's not half as often as when we were just friends. I still like her very much and think she's a wonderful person but I feel myself getting nervous before we talk on the phone or skype because I feel like I'll run out of things to say. Again, this never happened before we dated. Does anyone else deal with this? How do you overcome it? Stop thinking about thinking about things to say. I ran into this problem briefly, because i was worried that I would run out of things to say with this girl, but once I stopped worrying about things to say and just let things happen naturally everything felt a lot better. Just talk about past experiences, or things you like, or things you want to do in the future. Honestly, it shouldnt be hard once you stop worrying about stuff.
I've been with my SO for over 3 months and we are almost constantly in communication with each other, either via text, phone, Skype, IM, whatever and we have never run out of things to talk about. We talk about random things, be silly together, talk about something we saw/did during our day. We never run out of things to talk about and even when we do its not awkward at all. We appreciate those moments of silence between us because we are able to be comfortable with each other. Just talk about anything that comes to mind. Pick a random topic and see what happens.
When we Skype/FaceTime sometimes we have these long silences where we just stare at each other for several minutes. But it's one of those comforting silences. I know she's there and she knows I'm here, but we can miraculously see each other. Sometimes all I really need is to just see her face, her smile, her gorgeous eyes... It just makes me feel better. No conversation required. 8 hour time difference makes it tough to connect sometimes, but we make it work. Even before she left for school, we didn't talk much on the phone. Most of our conversations were small talk just as you describe. Video chat works much better for us, so maybe it will work for you? One thing that really keeps me going is when I think about my grandparents. My grandpa proposed in 1941 and then got shipped to England from Canada for the war. He was a medic in France after the Allies took the coast. All they had were letters for 4 years and sometimes they didn't even know if the other would receive them. It's amazing the technology we have today and I consider myself very lucky.
Shit yes. I've been married for 12 years now and when we go out for dinner sometimes we won't say anything to each other the whole time. After a point you just run out of anecdotes. Of course every few years you'll start retelling all those anecdotes and she'll pretend she hasn't heard them before. Really, all there is for us to talk about now is what happened today. So we talk about the news and what we found on the internet and stuff that friends and family are doing. But if nothing new happens then there's nothing worth saying.
It's normal to run out of simple things to talk about, such as your dating histories, general religious beliefs, where you see yourself in the future. After you've been together awhile, it comes less easily and you have to get more creative. But if the person arouses interest in you, I don't think conversation ever just stops.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. At this stage, "what ifs" and "would you rathers" become indispensable. On the way home from a dinner date tonight we discussed whether, if forced, we would rather run over a badly-tempered man or average-tempered dog. So... that's the kind of thing you have to look forward to.
I'm in a long distance relationship that has been going on for about a year now. My girlfriend and I have a great time when we're together, but we only get to see each other a few times a year. We used to have these really great conversations, but now we seem to be running out of things to talk about - we know each other so well now that there's not much to learn about each other (at least not typical things), so once we're done talking about our days, etc, our conversations lose steam. So, I guess I'm wondering how to come up with more to talk about - I really love this girl, and don't want our relationship to suffer for not having stuff to talk about.
When I was deployed, my GF and I set up weekly webcam "dates" where we could actually talk face to face for a while. Also, every conversation doesn't have to last for a very long time. We would e-mail every couple days and send the occasional 1-line "I love you, hope you're having a great day." things. If you talk about your days, and then don't have a lot to talk about after that, that's fine!
We were only together for a couple of months before going long distance. Once we became long-distance, we used to talk a lot - a couple of hours a day at least. That has since cooled off a bit, since we've gotten busier with classes and stuff (we're both in college). I do feel like maybe we burned out a bit with that, but I'm just so used to speaking to her every day that I miss her like crazy when I don't speak to her for a day or so. I'm just afraid she's going to lose interest if we don't talk much.
My girlfriend is spending three weeks in Germany on a school related matter. When she left, I decided to wait a while before I tried to talk to her as to not look clingy, but more importantly, to get her thinking about me. Then when I do talk with her, I tease her and she tells me stuff that's going on in her group. Throw a couple of sexual innuendos in there and some 'you miss me so bad, don't you?'s and she's telling me more and more she can't wait to see me again.
Put a little sex drive in there, and remind her that she can't have it until she sees you again. It will drive her wild, and the two of you can talk for hours on sexual innuendo threads.
The online games or activities is a good idea. Aside from that, with long distance I've found that talking too often can actually be a bad thing and staying on the phone/webcam when you don't have anything to really talk about puts stress and awkwardness there for no reason. This can also be a great time for you to find out what things you are really into on your own when she's not there and, boom! now you have something to talk about.
For my wife and I this would be odd. We both read a great deal concerning the world & world events and share our opinions on them and other things. My wife and I have been together for 5 years and rarely do we run out of stuff to discuss.
I've been with my SO for a little over a year. I don't think you need to go from nonstop texting to nothing. Cause when you start back up you'll go right back to texting 24/7 a and you'll burn out again. Just back away a little, stop the 24/7 texting, and only text each other when you actually have something to say, like little tidbits about your day. Sometimes the only substantial conversations you have are about your days, so be descriptive. On boring days, conversations are a little more boring. If you still have nothing to talk about, read some news/science/anything articles and talk to her about it. If you still run out of topics, find something you can share together to always have something to talk about. Start a tv show or a hobby together and discuss progress. Don't be afraid if you go 5 someodd hours without hearing from her, understand that she'll talk to you when she has something to say. You don't need to be a funny/smart/imaginative guy every single time you text. It's okay to be like "I'm boring today, sorry".
I don't really have that problem with my SO, but that's maybe because we communicate less during the day, and we have had that pattern from the start. We both have busy jobs and lives and just can't stay in touch throughout the day. That makes it easy to talk about stuff when we call each other before bed, or when we have time for a Skype session. Maybe don't take days off from communicating to recharge, but just both live your lives and talk about that. If you don't have stuff to talk about for five hours in skype, either just stop skyping for the day or keep skype open whilst you both go about your own business, keeping the freedom to ask questions or comment or whatever that way. Watch a movie together?
My wife and I are both introverts, but even so, we talk plenty. Between the internet, books, films, etc., we always have fodder for conversation. She's a biological research assistant, so I often enjoy discussing the finer points of evolutionary theory with her; those conversations sometimes turn into fun little explorations of theory that shorten long car trips, etc.
I have a background in linguistics, American Sign Language and literature, so she enjoys learning ASL from me and discussing the books we read or the movies we enjoy (or better, the ones we hate).
Nope, my SO and I always have some thing to talk about. We usually talk about how our day went at work, what our family and friend are up to, current events, shared hobbies and interests, etc. Just make an effort to ask her how her day went everyday and share how your day went, that usually results in an 30 - 60 minute conversation every day for me and my SO.
When I'm away from my boyfriend and were on the phone there are big pauses sometimes, like minutes long, and we are totally comfortable with it. It's nice just to be with him. I don't need constant entertainment from him, he's my partner.
I've been with my SO for over 3 months and we are almost constantly in communication with each other, either via text, phone, Skype, IM, whatever and we have never run out of things to talk about. We talk about random things, be silly together, talk about something we saw/did during our day. We never run out of things to talk about and even when we do its not awkward at all. We appreciate those moments of silence between us because we are able to be comfortable with each other. Just talk about anything that comes to mind. Pick a random topic and see what happens.
When we Skype/FaceTime sometimes we have these long silences where we just stare at each other for several minutes. But it's one of those comforting silences. I know she's there and she knows I'm here, but we can miraculously see each other. Sometimes all I really need is to just see her face, her smile, her gorgeous eyes... It just makes me feel better. No conversation required. 8 hour time difference makes it tough to connect sometimes, but we make it work. Even before she left for school, we didn't talk much on the phone. Most of our conversations were small talk just as you describe. Video chat works much better for us, so maybe it will work for you? One thing that really keeps me going is when I think about my grandparents. My grandpa proposed in 1941 and then got shipped to England from Canada for the war. He was a medic in France after the Allies took the coast. All they had were letters for 4 years and sometimes they didn't even know if the other would receive them. It's amazing the technology we have today and I consider myself very lucky.
Shit yes. I've been married for 12 years now and when we go out for dinner sometimes we won't say anything to each other the whole time. After a point you just run out of anecdotes. Of course every few years you'll start retelling all those anecdotes and she'll pretend she hasn't heard them before. Really, all there is for us to talk about now is what happened today. So we talk about the news and what we found on the internet and stuff that friends and family are doing. But if nothing new happens then there's nothing worth saying.
It's normal to run out of simple things to talk about, such as your dating histories, general religious beliefs, where you see yourself in the future. After you've been together awhile, it comes less easily and you have to get more creative. But if the person arouses interest in you, I don't think conversation ever just stops.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. At this stage, "what ifs" and "would you rathers" become indispensable. On the way home from a dinner date tonight we discussed whether, if forced, we would rather run over a badly-tempered man or average-tempered dog. So... that's the kind of thing you have to look forward to.
I'm in a long distance relationship that has been going on for about a year now. My girlfriend and I have a great time when we're together, but we only get to see each other a few times a year. We used to have these really great conversations, but now we seem to be running out of things to talk about - we know each other so well now that there's not much to learn about each other (at least not typical things), so once we're done talking about our days, etc, our conversations lose steam. So, I guess I'm wondering how to come up with more to talk about - I really love this girl, and don't want our relationship to suffer for not having stuff to talk about.
When I was deployed, my GF and I set up weekly webcam "dates" where we could actually talk face to face for a while. Also, every conversation doesn't have to last for a very long time. We would e-mail every couple days and send the occasional 1-line "I love you, hope you're having a great day." things. If you talk about your days, and then don't have a lot to talk about after that, that's fine!
We were only together for a couple of months before going long distance. Once we became long-distance, we used to talk a lot - a couple of hours a day at least. That has since cooled off a bit, since we've gotten busier with classes and stuff (we're both in college). I do feel like maybe we burned out a bit with that, but I'm just so used to speaking to her every day that I miss her like crazy when I don't speak to her for a day or so. I'm just afraid she's going to lose interest if we don't talk much.
My girlfriend is spending three weeks in Germany on a school related matter. When she left, I decided to wait a while before I tried to talk to her as to not look clingy, but more importantly, to get her thinking about me. Then when I do talk with her, I tease her and she tells me stuff that's going on in her group. Throw a couple of sexual innuendos in there and some 'you miss me so bad, don't you?'s and she's telling me more and more she can't wait to see me again.
Put a little sex drive in there, and remind her that she can't have it until she sees you again. It will drive her wild, and the two of you can talk for hours on sexual innuendo threads.
The online games or activities is a good idea. Aside from that, with long distance I've found that talking too often can actually be a bad thing and staying on the phone/webcam when you don't have anything to really talk about puts stress and awkwardness there for no reason. This can also be a great time for you to find out what things you are really into on your own when she's not there and, boom! now you have something to talk about.
For my wife and I this would be odd. We both read a great deal concerning the world & world events and share our opinions on them and other things. My wife and I have been together for 5 years and rarely do we run out of stuff to discuss.
I've been with my SO for a little over a year. I don't think you need to go from nonstop texting to nothing. Cause when you start back up you'll go right back to texting 24/7 a and you'll burn out again. Just back away a little, stop the 24/7 texting, and only text each other when you actually have something to say, like little tidbits about your day. Sometimes the only substantial conversations you have are about your days, so be descriptive. On boring days, conversations are a little more boring. If you still have nothing to talk about, read some news/science/anything articles and talk to her about it. If you still run out of topics, find something you can share together to always have something to talk about. Start a tv show or a hobby together and discuss progress. Don't be afraid if you go 5 someodd hours without hearing from her, understand that she'll talk to you when she has something to say. You don't need to be a funny/smart/imaginative guy every single time you text. It's okay to be like "I'm boring today, sorry".
I don't really have that problem with my SO, but that's maybe because we communicate less during the day, and we have had that pattern from the start. We both have busy jobs and lives and just can't stay in touch throughout the day. That makes it easy to talk about stuff when we call each other before bed, or when we have time for a Skype session. Maybe don't take days off from communicating to recharge, but just both live your lives and talk about that. If you don't have stuff to talk about for five hours in skype, either just stop skyping for the day or keep skype open whilst you both go about your own business, keeping the freedom to ask questions or comment or whatever that way. Watch a movie together?
My wife and I are both introverts, but even so, we talk plenty. Between the internet, books, films, etc., we always have fodder for conversation. She's a biological research assistant, so I often enjoy discussing the finer points of evolutionary theory with her; those conversations sometimes turn into fun little explorations of theory that shorten long car trips, etc.
I have a background in linguistics, American Sign Language and literature, so she enjoys learning ASL from me and discussing the books we read or the movies we enjoy (or better, the ones we hate).
Nope, my SO and I always have some thing to talk about. We usually talk about how our day went at work, what our family and friend are up to, current events, shared hobbies and interests, etc. Just make an effort to ask her how her day went everyday and share how your day went, that usually results in an 30 - 60 minute conversation every day for me and my SO.
When I'm away from my boyfriend and were on the phone there are big pauses sometimes, like minutes long, and we are totally comfortable with it. It's nice just to be with him. I don't need constant entertainment from him, he's my partner.
