How does life feel like for you right now?
This morning I took roughly 300mg of benadryl as well as drank half a bottle of alcohol. I left my house at 6am and walked. I went home and passed out. I never threw up. I woke up fine and went to work fine, just a little groggy and out of it. You’re ok because you’re young and your body is strong. Your body is going to get to a point where it can’t take this any more.
People I used to hang out with, who were heavy partyers, and smokers, used to say, as a way of excusing their behavior, “Oh, well, gotta die of something.” Yes, we will all die of something, but when you drink a lot and do whatever else, you’re dying a slow death. I’ve said it before, on here, the majority of people I used to hang out with, who were older than me, most of them are either dead now (of overdose or liver problems), or are totally 100% sober and attend AA. That’s like 6 times the adult dose of Benadryl on top of say the equivalent of 7 or 8 drinks. I hope you meant “unintentional” if you did this on purpose you obviously need counseling. I hope you get it. You’re young, nothing you face now will last except the damage you do to your body.
It’s totally possible to be “fine-ish” the next day after a binge on 6 drinks or so but I would not think after 8 and an OD on Benadryl. I’m totally worthless the next day after one regular 50mg adult dose of Benadryl alone. Here’s what you wrote: We really do honestly need to live each day to our fullest, like it’s our last. Look at what she posted, on a thread that was asking what we would do differently if we knew when/how we would die.
Anyone who posted on that thread (even if you didn’t, anyone reading this at all), don’t wait to do those things. Live your life now, as if you already knew when/how you are going to die, as dark as that is.
I’m signing off for now, my PMs are open if I can be of any help at all. You wrote that in 2019, and it got 8 GAs. Why not give yourself a break and live your own advice. You’ve got nothing to lose except the misery you’re in now. Isn’t it worth a shot? I’m not going to say, “Aren’t you worth a shot?” because I know what my response was when I was in your shoes…“Fuck no I’m not worth it!” I’ve said that so many times! But I was finally miserable enough to be willing to try anything to stop hurting, to stop contributing to the pain that was already there by trying to drink and drug it away. I blindly trusted some people who gave a shit about me and who claimed I was worth it. They said that if I didn’t believe it, then believe in them. Yeah, it took some time and therapy, but today I believe I was and am worth it. The day I decided to actually stop without being forced to was a day I woke up crying. I was actually crying in my sleep! That’s how miserable I was – I didn’t want to wake up and face yet another day where I had to drink to try to feel somewhat normal. The other day that I really remember was sometime in the future and I was in my therapist’s office. I started crying because it was such a beautiful fucking Spring day outside and I felt alive. The beauty was simply amazing! I was clear-headed enough to truly enjoy and appreciate it. I was glad I hadn’t succeeded at suicide and had never thought that would be true. My therapist cried too.
None of us can make you stop. Sadly, none of us can even make you want to stop. It all comes from you. So I’ll tell you what many others told me, “Dammit!! You are worth it!”
And when you get to the other side of this, you’ll believe it too. Honestly? Like I'm waiting for when I feel less crap. I've spent the weekend and late last week in tears, constantly. I'm tired, stressed and extremely overwhelmed. I'm taking each day at a time for now, trying to manage but sometimes I feel like I'm in over my head. Still feeling remnants of feeling like absolute hell & just hanging in there for now. Feeling like crap tends to feel like it'll last forever but I know I'm going to recover eventually.
Life feels like just get it over because there will be a reward in the end. But every fucking time I cross that finish line and almost make it to that reward the race track stretches and the reward is farther than it was before. It’s a constant cycle. The crowd isn’t on my side the crowd are my negative thoughts. “You’re not good enough for this” ,”it’s obvious why this person got this over you”, “you’re gonna die lonely cause your aren’t smart or pretty. The car I’m driving is weak because all my supporters have pretty much left leaving me with little motivation to keep on going. Another part of the crowd represents people in my life constantly throwing curveballs at me or threading me like shit.Like setting a ring on fire and forcing me to jump through it, exploding one of my tires making it hard to drive, and throwing giant concrete block forcing me to switch lanes in a impossible quick change where I could die in. My quick change car team that’s supposed to fix my car is gone because all my support has left me. All the other cars have support teams. They’re perfect no one is ruining their race. That represents the other people in my life putting in little effort and still getting what ever they want.
I personally feel in a transition period. I’m finally dating a guy that has a job and works hard but that also takes from time we could at least have a conversation. This adds to my social anxiety bc I’ve had some shit relationships in the past but this guy seems to be all the things I’ve ever wanted. To deal with the anxiety, I’ve had to sometime force myself to self care. Mostly exercise or game bc otherwise I spiral abs I don’t want to mess things up when we’re just starting. Also, having to get back to the idea of commuting for work. I’ve been WFH since the pandemic began for me (I’m in NYC) so I am in some piss poor shape! Another reason to force myself to exercise more bc I should not feel like dying when my commutes have been actually decent.
Every time my teenage kid asks me how my day was, I struggle to find anything to say other than “I made breakfast/ lunches for everyone, drove you to school, cleaned, did dishes, laundry, went to work, came back from work, picked you up, then I’ll make dinner, do dishes…I wish I could tell her I had fun, but I literally did nothing fun. I’m alone most of the time. I feel bad because I want her to enjoy her life, and not turn out like me. I hope both she and her sister find happiness!
I've been feeling depressed where I'm living right now (because of weather/no friends, etc.) and decided to change that so I'll be moving back to my home state in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to being back home with the people I love in my life again. I feel my brain all scrambled, like I've been extremely sick with high fever for months and now I'm trying to get back in life. Thinking is supported by extreme headaches, nervosity and exhaustion. I've been depressed for months and only now found the strength to get back to a normal life and studies and it is extremely hard. I always try to distract myself with stuff: videos, music, social media, but it seems to make stuff worse.
I'm desperately trying to surf on the sea of life. I start to get the hang of it, then a huge wave comes crashing over me. I loose my grip on the board. I loose my orientation, my place in this world. No shore of saftey in sight. Nobody can save me here. I can't see, I can't breathe and I'm drowning, for what seems like an eternity.
I didn't see it coming, yet again. I'm not yet used to these waters and I've never surfed before. Just as I feel my lungs might become englufed by the bitter salty sea, the agonising dread, the pitiful hopelessness and the welcoming of a bitter sweet end, the wave passes by. The water starts to settle.
I just left the hospital after being there for 2 months being treated for anorexia/refeeding syndrome... So life has drastically changed, but for the better. Physically I'm doing great! (can walk, energy, no brain fog, pigmentation). Mentally, on the other hand, I'm still struggling, just not as awful as before of course... I have been put on two anti-depressants, of which I'm told to stop when they run out next month so my stability can be assessed. And honestly, I'm scared. I'm afraid I'll go back to the way everything was when I was at my worst without them... So I'm trying to keep my chin up about it and continue working on myself til then. But, the positives of my mental health are coming out. I now experience (almost) entire food freedom! I can finally have the foods I love, eat with the people around me, try different things. It's excellent! Also, have a decent personality again lol. I was so cold and distant at rock bottom... Now people actually want to be around me.
I locate my board and I ride the little, more manageable waves once more. I will get the hang of this.
Good. Healthier and happier than before. Got married end of 2021 and living with my husband is incredible. Exercising regularly, doing well in my career, and living in a gorgeous condominium with an epic view from the 12th floor. Only thing lacking is friendships. Feels like I don’t have a social group whatsoever, and so while I’m far from bored and pretty content, I worry about lacking rich friendships. Prior to the pandemic hitting I was in the midst of a long depressive spell. The pandemic prolonged that. Last year around the time I got the vaccine I started coming out of it. Since mid-April, I've lost a bit over 60lbs. I've been super consistent with my exercising (lifting heavy 5 days a week, walking a 100 mi/month). My work is going fine (nothing exciting there, but chugging along fine). As the current covid surge has dropped off in my area, I've started being more social again and going on dates. I'm making plans for the spring/summer. I had a plan to get through winter without getting SAD and so far so good. That included going on some solo long weekend trips to somewhere warm and they were great for me.
It’s honestly been pretty nice overall. I am struggling to balance grad school, work, and my relationships but I’m doing the best I can. It’s my 2 month anniversary with an amazing guy (best guy I’ve ever been with), I’m just grateful to be in grad school, and I have a great career. There are something I’m definitely trying to change, and I have faith I can improve the few bad things currently.
Extremely weird. I was raised by a single mother and my only grandparent. My Nan died two weeks ago and her funeral is this Wednesday. The family has now gone from 4 people to 3. Two if you don't include the brother who has nothing to do with the family anyway.
My life is going absolutely brilliantly. My work is challenging, and rewarding both emotionally and financially. My private research has lead me to horizons undreamt of and, quite honestly, very fulfilling... and useful in my work. I have a small group of friends quite capable of taking me away from it all whether I need it or not. I've overcome quite a bit to get where I am, and I have to say, I'm rather proud of myself.
Wake up around the same time each day. Take care of dogs. Eat same breakfast day in, day out. Pitter-patter to my home office. Log on. Work 10-12 hours. Log off. Feed + walk dogs. Dinner while husband and I watch an episode of Netflix. Brush teeth. Sleep. This has basically been my routine for two years now.
I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. Took a long hike. Keep telling myself it’s okay to cry about a war starting. I’m also so angry about the failure of society to address the pandemic like adults. If my mom catches it, it will kill her. Like many other forgotten families, we are now trapped in permanent lockdown because of our narcissistic culture. I believe I am using this term appropriately, not pejoratively. See Dr Sam Vaknin, international expert on narcissism, for a professional diagnosis of our culture with this.
These 3 years were rough to say the very least and over the past month and a bit I've REALLY been working on myself, getting healthier, getting fitter, being more available to be open and honest and I can see the cobwebs clearing away of excuses, missed opportunities and disappointments. I can see myself REALLY digging deep to make things work better for me in the long run. I'm in a really good spot mentally right now. Hugely relieved to no longer live in a life long haze of anxiety and depression. Life is finally beautiful and peaceful, and mostly stress free. I've chosen to surround myself with strong, level people, found a job I love, quit smoking pot, got on anti-depressants. I worry about the ignorance, the aggressive right wing extremists and their hateful media campaign, and the events in Ukraine, but I am otherwise at ease.
I personally feel in a transition period. I’m finally dating a guy that has a job and works hard but that also takes from time we could at least have a conversation. This adds to my social anxiety bc I’ve had some shit relationships in the past but this guy seems to be all the things I’ve ever wanted. To deal with the anxiety, I’ve had to sometime force myself to self care. Mostly exercise or game bc otherwise I spiral abs I don’t want to mess things up when we’re just starting. Also, having to get back to the idea of commuting for work. I’ve been WFH since the pandemic began for me (I’m in NYC) so I am in some piss poor shape! Another reason to force myself to exercise more bc I should not feel like dying when my commutes have been actually decent. A struggle, I’m going through that point where everything happens all at once. Just moved to a new house and still trying to settle in while taking care of my toddler (I don’t have a nanny, can’t find one) all that while working an 8 hour shift, my husband helps with the house work and with our son and still it’s hard, I can’t find time for myself
Better. I was in a position where life felt stagnant and monotonous and boring and like nothing was progressing or changing even though it was. It’s just hard to notice it. I notice I’m more present in my life and in moments, which was something I struggled with for a long time due to the myriad of mental health stuff (you know the drill, depression, anxiety, ADHD…) and lately, I feel better. That doesn’t mean things have gotten better because there are some strange ass symptoms I can’t understand. (Random chills are an anxiety tick???? The more you know, I guess!). Today was the last time I'll ever get to see her in her coffin and yet, it doesn't quite feel like she's gone at all. Like I could ring her and she'd pick up on the other end, or shoot her a text and she'd reply with an overabundance of heart emojis like she always did. I'm only now realising all the little things that I didn't give much thought to while she was alive that now she's gone, I wish I could do again. I wish I could turn the clock back and do all the little gestures that meant so much but I can't. The most I can do is hope that she appreciated them in life, and I think she did but I can't ask her anymore. I'll never have any answers to questions only she could ask. All the knowledge she had, all the memories unspoken, are all lost now. Its only a matter of time before I can hit those high notes. Before I can become the person I know I can be. Maybe one day I can command these treacherous seas, the metaphor of my mind. The biodiversity, the enthralling neverending possibilities of the psyche.
On the one hand I finally feel like myself, I realized so many toxic parts of myself and fixed them or work on them. I achieved a lot and I'm better than ever. On the other everyday is still a battle, I still can't figure out how to love myself, how to handle my own negative thoughts.
Feels like the hard times are passing by and I have no excuse then to just keep on going. I’m tired but I’m going. Life is about the good people around ya and good food to eat, I’m content so far. I’m also very much in love with my boyfriend. I wish I could take everyone’s stress away. Also I’m worried about some dumb nonexistent things rn, my gyno called me saying I had an abnormal pap. So she’ll be looking around. A little anxiety and fear that something will be wrong and I’ll never be able to have kids. So much in the end but oof, I think I’ll be alright.
Very confusing. I don't know what college to go to or what's right for my relationship. Hell I don't even know that the major I picked is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Making decisions that change my future is hard when I have no idea what I truly want.
Like it is slowly getting a little better. My son got his official ASD diagnosis yesterday, so we will be able to get an IEP set before he starts kindergarten. Also, he has become so much more emotionally regulated lately.
Like living in a rut. Wake up every day to put a fake face on for my kids, work through the motions of the day until it’s finally bed time again. Then just repeat. Depression hitting me hard but have to look positive for my kids. It’s exhausting.
It’s feels like everyday I hold onto hope that my ex boyfriend and I will meet again and everything will feel safe again. Life feels strange and it feels like I have a lot of secrets and sadness and I can’t express that to my current boyfriend because I don’t know where I stand and if it’s just the break up stages.
On the one hand I finally feel like myself, I realized so many toxic parts of myself and fixed them or work on them. I achieved a lot and I'm better than ever. On the other everyday is still a battle, I still can't figure out how to love myself, how to handle my own negative thoughts.
Feels like the hard times are passing by and I have no excuse then to just keep on going. I’m tired but I’m going. Life is about the good people around ya and good food to eat, I’m content so far. I’m also very much in love with my boyfriend. I wish I could take everyone’s stress away. Also I’m worried about some dumb nonexistent things rn, my gyno called me saying I had an abnormal pap. So she’ll be looking around. A little anxiety and fear that something will be wrong and I’ll never be able to have kids. So much in the end but oof, I think I’ll be alright.
Very stressful. I have a job I hate that always expects more from me. My family still hates me for moving out with my boyfriend. The only good thing I have is my boyfriend. He keeps reminding me that I will find a good job soon and we will be able to move to a different state and own a house together.
Disappointing. Can't seem to make anything work out. Work isn't working too great out. Studies didn't work out. Relationship didn't work out. I hate the place I live but I can't move cause a damn contract I signed. I feel useless.
Like things should be good but I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Impending doom. Worried about the future, concerned about my job and whether we can pay ever increasing bills, whether my overtime is going to stop and if I'm going to struggle to make ends meet. Never ending list of concerns.
Very shitty. Work a job where we are short staffed at least 40-50 nurses every shift, so we are constantly flexed up on patient ratios while doing primary care (no techs), my house is a damn mess because I work night shift and picking up more hours because I’m in debt, my SO doesn’t work and complains that I’m a loser because I can’t afford to get him anything and that I don’t help out around the house (which I do, he hasn’t swept, mopped, or cleaned the bathrooms since October, that’s all been me) and he wants an open relationship so he can fuck side hoes 😭😭😭 I just don’t have time to deal with and to put up with all this shit.
People I used to hang out with, who were heavy partyers, and smokers, used to say, as a way of excusing their behavior, “Oh, well, gotta die of something.” Yes, we will all die of something, but when you drink a lot and do whatever else, you’re dying a slow death. I’ve said it before, on here, the majority of people I used to hang out with, who were older than me, most of them are either dead now (of overdose or liver problems), or are totally 100% sober and attend AA. That’s like 6 times the adult dose of Benadryl on top of say the equivalent of 7 or 8 drinks. I hope you meant “unintentional” if you did this on purpose you obviously need counseling. I hope you get it. You’re young, nothing you face now will last except the damage you do to your body.
It’s totally possible to be “fine-ish” the next day after a binge on 6 drinks or so but I would not think after 8 and an OD on Benadryl. I’m totally worthless the next day after one regular 50mg adult dose of Benadryl alone. Here’s what you wrote: We really do honestly need to live each day to our fullest, like it’s our last. Look at what she posted, on a thread that was asking what we would do differently if we knew when/how we would die.
Anyone who posted on that thread (even if you didn’t, anyone reading this at all), don’t wait to do those things. Live your life now, as if you already knew when/how you are going to die, as dark as that is.
I’m signing off for now, my PMs are open if I can be of any help at all. You wrote that in 2019, and it got 8 GAs. Why not give yourself a break and live your own advice. You’ve got nothing to lose except the misery you’re in now. Isn’t it worth a shot? I’m not going to say, “Aren’t you worth a shot?” because I know what my response was when I was in your shoes…“Fuck no I’m not worth it!” I’ve said that so many times! But I was finally miserable enough to be willing to try anything to stop hurting, to stop contributing to the pain that was already there by trying to drink and drug it away. I blindly trusted some people who gave a shit about me and who claimed I was worth it. They said that if I didn’t believe it, then believe in them. Yeah, it took some time and therapy, but today I believe I was and am worth it. The day I decided to actually stop without being forced to was a day I woke up crying. I was actually crying in my sleep! That’s how miserable I was – I didn’t want to wake up and face yet another day where I had to drink to try to feel somewhat normal. The other day that I really remember was sometime in the future and I was in my therapist’s office. I started crying because it was such a beautiful fucking Spring day outside and I felt alive. The beauty was simply amazing! I was clear-headed enough to truly enjoy and appreciate it. I was glad I hadn’t succeeded at suicide and had never thought that would be true. My therapist cried too.
None of us can make you stop. Sadly, none of us can even make you want to stop. It all comes from you. So I’ll tell you what many others told me, “Dammit!! You are worth it!”
And when you get to the other side of this, you’ll believe it too. Honestly? Like I'm waiting for when I feel less crap. I've spent the weekend and late last week in tears, constantly. I'm tired, stressed and extremely overwhelmed. I'm taking each day at a time for now, trying to manage but sometimes I feel like I'm in over my head. Still feeling remnants of feeling like absolute hell & just hanging in there for now. Feeling like crap tends to feel like it'll last forever but I know I'm going to recover eventually.
Life feels like just get it over because there will be a reward in the end. But every fucking time I cross that finish line and almost make it to that reward the race track stretches and the reward is farther than it was before. It’s a constant cycle. The crowd isn’t on my side the crowd are my negative thoughts. “You’re not good enough for this” ,”it’s obvious why this person got this over you”, “you’re gonna die lonely cause your aren’t smart or pretty. The car I’m driving is weak because all my supporters have pretty much left leaving me with little motivation to keep on going. Another part of the crowd represents people in my life constantly throwing curveballs at me or threading me like shit.Like setting a ring on fire and forcing me to jump through it, exploding one of my tires making it hard to drive, and throwing giant concrete block forcing me to switch lanes in a impossible quick change where I could die in. My quick change car team that’s supposed to fix my car is gone because all my support has left me. All the other cars have support teams. They’re perfect no one is ruining their race. That represents the other people in my life putting in little effort and still getting what ever they want.
I personally feel in a transition period. I’m finally dating a guy that has a job and works hard but that also takes from time we could at least have a conversation. This adds to my social anxiety bc I’ve had some shit relationships in the past but this guy seems to be all the things I’ve ever wanted. To deal with the anxiety, I’ve had to sometime force myself to self care. Mostly exercise or game bc otherwise I spiral abs I don’t want to mess things up when we’re just starting. Also, having to get back to the idea of commuting for work. I’ve been WFH since the pandemic began for me (I’m in NYC) so I am in some piss poor shape! Another reason to force myself to exercise more bc I should not feel like dying when my commutes have been actually decent.
Every time my teenage kid asks me how my day was, I struggle to find anything to say other than “I made breakfast/ lunches for everyone, drove you to school, cleaned, did dishes, laundry, went to work, came back from work, picked you up, then I’ll make dinner, do dishes…I wish I could tell her I had fun, but I literally did nothing fun. I’m alone most of the time. I feel bad because I want her to enjoy her life, and not turn out like me. I hope both she and her sister find happiness!
I've been feeling depressed where I'm living right now (because of weather/no friends, etc.) and decided to change that so I'll be moving back to my home state in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to being back home with the people I love in my life again. I feel my brain all scrambled, like I've been extremely sick with high fever for months and now I'm trying to get back in life. Thinking is supported by extreme headaches, nervosity and exhaustion. I've been depressed for months and only now found the strength to get back to a normal life and studies and it is extremely hard. I always try to distract myself with stuff: videos, music, social media, but it seems to make stuff worse.
I'm desperately trying to surf on the sea of life. I start to get the hang of it, then a huge wave comes crashing over me. I loose my grip on the board. I loose my orientation, my place in this world. No shore of saftey in sight. Nobody can save me here. I can't see, I can't breathe and I'm drowning, for what seems like an eternity.
I didn't see it coming, yet again. I'm not yet used to these waters and I've never surfed before. Just as I feel my lungs might become englufed by the bitter salty sea, the agonising dread, the pitiful hopelessness and the welcoming of a bitter sweet end, the wave passes by. The water starts to settle.
I just left the hospital after being there for 2 months being treated for anorexia/refeeding syndrome... So life has drastically changed, but for the better. Physically I'm doing great! (can walk, energy, no brain fog, pigmentation). Mentally, on the other hand, I'm still struggling, just not as awful as before of course... I have been put on two anti-depressants, of which I'm told to stop when they run out next month so my stability can be assessed. And honestly, I'm scared. I'm afraid I'll go back to the way everything was when I was at my worst without them... So I'm trying to keep my chin up about it and continue working on myself til then. But, the positives of my mental health are coming out. I now experience (almost) entire food freedom! I can finally have the foods I love, eat with the people around me, try different things. It's excellent! Also, have a decent personality again lol. I was so cold and distant at rock bottom... Now people actually want to be around me.
I locate my board and I ride the little, more manageable waves once more. I will get the hang of this.
Good. Healthier and happier than before. Got married end of 2021 and living with my husband is incredible. Exercising regularly, doing well in my career, and living in a gorgeous condominium with an epic view from the 12th floor. Only thing lacking is friendships. Feels like I don’t have a social group whatsoever, and so while I’m far from bored and pretty content, I worry about lacking rich friendships. Prior to the pandemic hitting I was in the midst of a long depressive spell. The pandemic prolonged that. Last year around the time I got the vaccine I started coming out of it. Since mid-April, I've lost a bit over 60lbs. I've been super consistent with my exercising (lifting heavy 5 days a week, walking a 100 mi/month). My work is going fine (nothing exciting there, but chugging along fine). As the current covid surge has dropped off in my area, I've started being more social again and going on dates. I'm making plans for the spring/summer. I had a plan to get through winter without getting SAD and so far so good. That included going on some solo long weekend trips to somewhere warm and they were great for me.
It’s honestly been pretty nice overall. I am struggling to balance grad school, work, and my relationships but I’m doing the best I can. It’s my 2 month anniversary with an amazing guy (best guy I’ve ever been with), I’m just grateful to be in grad school, and I have a great career. There are something I’m definitely trying to change, and I have faith I can improve the few bad things currently.
Extremely weird. I was raised by a single mother and my only grandparent. My Nan died two weeks ago and her funeral is this Wednesday. The family has now gone from 4 people to 3. Two if you don't include the brother who has nothing to do with the family anyway.
My life is going absolutely brilliantly. My work is challenging, and rewarding both emotionally and financially. My private research has lead me to horizons undreamt of and, quite honestly, very fulfilling... and useful in my work. I have a small group of friends quite capable of taking me away from it all whether I need it or not. I've overcome quite a bit to get where I am, and I have to say, I'm rather proud of myself.
Wake up around the same time each day. Take care of dogs. Eat same breakfast day in, day out. Pitter-patter to my home office. Log on. Work 10-12 hours. Log off. Feed + walk dogs. Dinner while husband and I watch an episode of Netflix. Brush teeth. Sleep. This has basically been my routine for two years now.
I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. Took a long hike. Keep telling myself it’s okay to cry about a war starting. I’m also so angry about the failure of society to address the pandemic like adults. If my mom catches it, it will kill her. Like many other forgotten families, we are now trapped in permanent lockdown because of our narcissistic culture. I believe I am using this term appropriately, not pejoratively. See Dr Sam Vaknin, international expert on narcissism, for a professional diagnosis of our culture with this.
These 3 years were rough to say the very least and over the past month and a bit I've REALLY been working on myself, getting healthier, getting fitter, being more available to be open and honest and I can see the cobwebs clearing away of excuses, missed opportunities and disappointments. I can see myself REALLY digging deep to make things work better for me in the long run. I'm in a really good spot mentally right now. Hugely relieved to no longer live in a life long haze of anxiety and depression. Life is finally beautiful and peaceful, and mostly stress free. I've chosen to surround myself with strong, level people, found a job I love, quit smoking pot, got on anti-depressants. I worry about the ignorance, the aggressive right wing extremists and their hateful media campaign, and the events in Ukraine, but I am otherwise at ease.
I personally feel in a transition period. I’m finally dating a guy that has a job and works hard but that also takes from time we could at least have a conversation. This adds to my social anxiety bc I’ve had some shit relationships in the past but this guy seems to be all the things I’ve ever wanted. To deal with the anxiety, I’ve had to sometime force myself to self care. Mostly exercise or game bc otherwise I spiral abs I don’t want to mess things up when we’re just starting. Also, having to get back to the idea of commuting for work. I’ve been WFH since the pandemic began for me (I’m in NYC) so I am in some piss poor shape! Another reason to force myself to exercise more bc I should not feel like dying when my commutes have been actually decent. A struggle, I’m going through that point where everything happens all at once. Just moved to a new house and still trying to settle in while taking care of my toddler (I don’t have a nanny, can’t find one) all that while working an 8 hour shift, my husband helps with the house work and with our son and still it’s hard, I can’t find time for myself
Better. I was in a position where life felt stagnant and monotonous and boring and like nothing was progressing or changing even though it was. It’s just hard to notice it. I notice I’m more present in my life and in moments, which was something I struggled with for a long time due to the myriad of mental health stuff (you know the drill, depression, anxiety, ADHD…) and lately, I feel better. That doesn’t mean things have gotten better because there are some strange ass symptoms I can’t understand. (Random chills are an anxiety tick???? The more you know, I guess!). Today was the last time I'll ever get to see her in her coffin and yet, it doesn't quite feel like she's gone at all. Like I could ring her and she'd pick up on the other end, or shoot her a text and she'd reply with an overabundance of heart emojis like she always did. I'm only now realising all the little things that I didn't give much thought to while she was alive that now she's gone, I wish I could do again. I wish I could turn the clock back and do all the little gestures that meant so much but I can't. The most I can do is hope that she appreciated them in life, and I think she did but I can't ask her anymore. I'll never have any answers to questions only she could ask. All the knowledge she had, all the memories unspoken, are all lost now. Its only a matter of time before I can hit those high notes. Before I can become the person I know I can be. Maybe one day I can command these treacherous seas, the metaphor of my mind. The biodiversity, the enthralling neverending possibilities of the psyche.
On the one hand I finally feel like myself, I realized so many toxic parts of myself and fixed them or work on them. I achieved a lot and I'm better than ever. On the other everyday is still a battle, I still can't figure out how to love myself, how to handle my own negative thoughts.
Feels like the hard times are passing by and I have no excuse then to just keep on going. I’m tired but I’m going. Life is about the good people around ya and good food to eat, I’m content so far. I’m also very much in love with my boyfriend. I wish I could take everyone’s stress away. Also I’m worried about some dumb nonexistent things rn, my gyno called me saying I had an abnormal pap. So she’ll be looking around. A little anxiety and fear that something will be wrong and I’ll never be able to have kids. So much in the end but oof, I think I’ll be alright.
Very confusing. I don't know what college to go to or what's right for my relationship. Hell I don't even know that the major I picked is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Making decisions that change my future is hard when I have no idea what I truly want.
Like it is slowly getting a little better. My son got his official ASD diagnosis yesterday, so we will be able to get an IEP set before he starts kindergarten. Also, he has become so much more emotionally regulated lately.
Like living in a rut. Wake up every day to put a fake face on for my kids, work through the motions of the day until it’s finally bed time again. Then just repeat. Depression hitting me hard but have to look positive for my kids. It’s exhausting.
It’s feels like everyday I hold onto hope that my ex boyfriend and I will meet again and everything will feel safe again. Life feels strange and it feels like I have a lot of secrets and sadness and I can’t express that to my current boyfriend because I don’t know where I stand and if it’s just the break up stages.
On the one hand I finally feel like myself, I realized so many toxic parts of myself and fixed them or work on them. I achieved a lot and I'm better than ever. On the other everyday is still a battle, I still can't figure out how to love myself, how to handle my own negative thoughts.
Feels like the hard times are passing by and I have no excuse then to just keep on going. I’m tired but I’m going. Life is about the good people around ya and good food to eat, I’m content so far. I’m also very much in love with my boyfriend. I wish I could take everyone’s stress away. Also I’m worried about some dumb nonexistent things rn, my gyno called me saying I had an abnormal pap. So she’ll be looking around. A little anxiety and fear that something will be wrong and I’ll never be able to have kids. So much in the end but oof, I think I’ll be alright.
Very stressful. I have a job I hate that always expects more from me. My family still hates me for moving out with my boyfriend. The only good thing I have is my boyfriend. He keeps reminding me that I will find a good job soon and we will be able to move to a different state and own a house together.
Disappointing. Can't seem to make anything work out. Work isn't working too great out. Studies didn't work out. Relationship didn't work out. I hate the place I live but I can't move cause a damn contract I signed. I feel useless.
Like things should be good but I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Impending doom. Worried about the future, concerned about my job and whether we can pay ever increasing bills, whether my overtime is going to stop and if I'm going to struggle to make ends meet. Never ending list of concerns.
Very shitty. Work a job where we are short staffed at least 40-50 nurses every shift, so we are constantly flexed up on patient ratios while doing primary care (no techs), my house is a damn mess because I work night shift and picking up more hours because I’m in debt, my SO doesn’t work and complains that I’m a loser because I can’t afford to get him anything and that I don’t help out around the house (which I do, he hasn’t swept, mopped, or cleaned the bathrooms since October, that’s all been me) and he wants an open relationship so he can fuck side hoes 😭😭😭 I just don’t have time to deal with and to put up with all this shit.
