How do you get used to people being nice without having other motives?
My coworker told my dad I bought his sodas when I didn’t. It irritated me because my first thought is “What does he want?”
I know he was just trying to be nice, but I am not used to it even though it wasn’t directly affected/for me.
People usually aren’t nice to me or people I know without ulterior motives. Have you ever realized that being nice worked against you?
I am a people pleaser, and I guess I need tips on how to start handling confrontation better. Or tips to care less. I'm worried that I will always be this way. Being a nice person actually will get you a long way
Every girl that I (25M) have dated or friends with, atleast once have said that I am a nice person.
The last girl(24F) I dated, told me that I am a nice person. But ultimately she moved to a different city for work and we couldn't continue dating but are still in touch.
Does anyone else get suspicious when people treat you nicely? Like they have ulterior motives?
DAE (Does Anyone Else?)
(Too long to read at the bottom) I basically have this issue when people are nice to me (especially neighbors, acquaintances, distant family members) ect I get very anxious. I keep getting thoughts in my head like that’s not really who they are and they’re secretly trying to gain my trust so they can hurt me/get something from me. Because of this people think I come off as very rude and closed off. Is it unreasonable to think someone I don’t know very well (and is being oddly/excessively nice) has ulterior motives or is this just my CPTSD talking? (Just for context I don’t live in the best area) but my thoughts are towards coworkers too.
Just the other day a neighbor (a much older man) tried to start a conversation with me while I was trying to get my mail and walk my dog. Telling me I was pretty and tried to get my attention by saying I dropped something. I ended up ignoring him but at the time I was wondering if it was either my paranoia or my gut telling me things were off.
That’s another thing. Sometimes I still get taken advantage of because I can’t tell if it’s my gut or if I’m just overthinking things so I’d try to trust people more and end up getting taken advantage of. (Which just reinforces my negative thinking) I’m at a point where I just try and get second opinions from people I trust so I can figure out if it’s my hyper vigilance or if the person is actually being shady.
(too long to read)
I often deal with thinking people acting nice (especially ones that I don’t know well) have ulterior motives. As a result I often can’t tell if it’s just my PTSD talking or if it’s my gut.
As a result people have still been able to manipulate me because I tried to trust people more. Being manipulated after trusting someone reinforces my thinking. Now I go to someone I trust first (for a second opinion) just to be safe
My current girlfriend told me that I am a sweetheart and the most nice person she have ever dated. I have met her best friends during the early stages of our dating phase. We all went for drinks and I went back together with them to their place that night. All of them told me that I seem to be a nice person and we should definitely get together. Ultimately, they vouched for me with her after I left.
Why do people hate super nice people?
Sometimes, i just don’t understand why alot of people dislike super nice people. They tend to make decisions based on the betterment of the world instead of personal gratification. It can be hard being nice but it is rewarding to both the nice person, (as they feel good about doing the right thing), and the person they are being nice to. Someone in a similar post had written “I dont like them. Would you rather someone be be super nice or would you rather them be honest of how they feel?”Can you guys just understand that someone being nice is them being honest to their feelings and it’s not them being fake? Some people just have a personality that makes them happy, always smiling, helping others constantly, and their brain is not filled with negative thoughts. They wake up, smell the air, and instantly their brain is happy. Im one of these people. Im not venting for me, you guys can hate me or dislike me for all i care. But why do you guys have to feel like this about all the other god given souls in this planet? I just want to know the reason super nice people are disliked. Its usually never a detriment to others anyways.
Also, my other girl friends had told me that I am a nice person and a gentlemen since my college days.
Does anyone else feel like being “Nice” has literally got them nowhere?
All my life i’ve been kind to people and all my life i’ve been stepped on, never taken serious, used for things etc.
I have always been told by my male friends that being a nice person is boring and it doesn't attract women. But the opposite seems to be happening for me. So, be a nice person, give respect and be happy. Don't be an ass by randomly getting advice from someone. I used to be shy, reserved, people pleaser and always saying yes, lacking self confidence kind of person.
It was bad, some people would take advantage of it and little by little I learned to say no.
I was also kinda fat (115kg for 175cm) and had been single for more than 5 years. I lost a lot of weight, got myself a career, situation and I'm about to get married next year. My self confidence is quite fine nowadays. I'm still kinda shy and reserved, I'm an introvert and think I'll always be.
But something else has changed.
Now I don't care what people think of me. I worry way less than before and don't go the extra mile to please people. I don't think that is bad.
I believe I'm still a decent person but I don't feel like the nice guy I used to be. And I'm saying nice guy in a positive way, not the making fun of SJW way.
In a sense, being a nice person, I felt liked and loved by everyone and it was a great feeling. I don't feel that anymore. Maybe that's what I miss. But that was also the reason I was a people pleaser.
At work, I'm annoyed when someone comes to my desk and asks me questions, whereas I was thrilled to be the helping hand before.
I used to love whatever my girlfriend came up with and went along with it, now I'm a bit annoyed when she wants to do this and that (we've been together almost 4 years). I know "love only lasts two years" but I don't want to lose her by becoming someone else than what she used to know.
I want to get in the middle somewhere. Not let people walk all over me but not be a jerk either. I don't like not being kind. Does anyone know how to help? What am I doing wrong?
I know he was just trying to be nice, but I am not used to it even though it wasn’t directly affected/for me.
People usually aren’t nice to me or people I know without ulterior motives. Have you ever realized that being nice worked against you?
I am a people pleaser, and I guess I need tips on how to start handling confrontation better. Or tips to care less. I'm worried that I will always be this way. Being a nice person actually will get you a long way
Every girl that I (25M) have dated or friends with, atleast once have said that I am a nice person.
The last girl(24F) I dated, told me that I am a nice person. But ultimately she moved to a different city for work and we couldn't continue dating but are still in touch.
Does anyone else get suspicious when people treat you nicely? Like they have ulterior motives?
DAE (Does Anyone Else?)
(Too long to read at the bottom) I basically have this issue when people are nice to me (especially neighbors, acquaintances, distant family members) ect I get very anxious. I keep getting thoughts in my head like that’s not really who they are and they’re secretly trying to gain my trust so they can hurt me/get something from me. Because of this people think I come off as very rude and closed off. Is it unreasonable to think someone I don’t know very well (and is being oddly/excessively nice) has ulterior motives or is this just my CPTSD talking? (Just for context I don’t live in the best area) but my thoughts are towards coworkers too.
Just the other day a neighbor (a much older man) tried to start a conversation with me while I was trying to get my mail and walk my dog. Telling me I was pretty and tried to get my attention by saying I dropped something. I ended up ignoring him but at the time I was wondering if it was either my paranoia or my gut telling me things were off.
That’s another thing. Sometimes I still get taken advantage of because I can’t tell if it’s my gut or if I’m just overthinking things so I’d try to trust people more and end up getting taken advantage of. (Which just reinforces my negative thinking) I’m at a point where I just try and get second opinions from people I trust so I can figure out if it’s my hyper vigilance or if the person is actually being shady.
(too long to read)
I often deal with thinking people acting nice (especially ones that I don’t know well) have ulterior motives. As a result I often can’t tell if it’s just my PTSD talking or if it’s my gut.
As a result people have still been able to manipulate me because I tried to trust people more. Being manipulated after trusting someone reinforces my thinking. Now I go to someone I trust first (for a second opinion) just to be safe
My current girlfriend told me that I am a sweetheart and the most nice person she have ever dated. I have met her best friends during the early stages of our dating phase. We all went for drinks and I went back together with them to their place that night. All of them told me that I seem to be a nice person and we should definitely get together. Ultimately, they vouched for me with her after I left.
Why do people hate super nice people?
Sometimes, i just don’t understand why alot of people dislike super nice people. They tend to make decisions based on the betterment of the world instead of personal gratification. It can be hard being nice but it is rewarding to both the nice person, (as they feel good about doing the right thing), and the person they are being nice to. Someone in a similar post had written “I dont like them. Would you rather someone be be super nice or would you rather them be honest of how they feel?”Can you guys just understand that someone being nice is them being honest to their feelings and it’s not them being fake? Some people just have a personality that makes them happy, always smiling, helping others constantly, and their brain is not filled with negative thoughts. They wake up, smell the air, and instantly their brain is happy. Im one of these people. Im not venting for me, you guys can hate me or dislike me for all i care. But why do you guys have to feel like this about all the other god given souls in this planet? I just want to know the reason super nice people are disliked. Its usually never a detriment to others anyways.
Also, my other girl friends had told me that I am a nice person and a gentlemen since my college days.
Does anyone else feel like being “Nice” has literally got them nowhere?
All my life i’ve been kind to people and all my life i’ve been stepped on, never taken serious, used for things etc.
I have always been told by my male friends that being a nice person is boring and it doesn't attract women. But the opposite seems to be happening for me. So, be a nice person, give respect and be happy. Don't be an ass by randomly getting advice from someone. I used to be shy, reserved, people pleaser and always saying yes, lacking self confidence kind of person.
It was bad, some people would take advantage of it and little by little I learned to say no.
I was also kinda fat (115kg for 175cm) and had been single for more than 5 years. I lost a lot of weight, got myself a career, situation and I'm about to get married next year. My self confidence is quite fine nowadays. I'm still kinda shy and reserved, I'm an introvert and think I'll always be.
But something else has changed.
Now I don't care what people think of me. I worry way less than before and don't go the extra mile to please people. I don't think that is bad.
I believe I'm still a decent person but I don't feel like the nice guy I used to be. And I'm saying nice guy in a positive way, not the making fun of SJW way.
In a sense, being a nice person, I felt liked and loved by everyone and it was a great feeling. I don't feel that anymore. Maybe that's what I miss. But that was also the reason I was a people pleaser.
At work, I'm annoyed when someone comes to my desk and asks me questions, whereas I was thrilled to be the helping hand before.
I used to love whatever my girlfriend came up with and went along with it, now I'm a bit annoyed when she wants to do this and that (we've been together almost 4 years). I know "love only lasts two years" but I don't want to lose her by becoming someone else than what she used to know.
I want to get in the middle somewhere. Not let people walk all over me but not be a jerk either. I don't like not being kind. Does anyone know how to help? What am I doing wrong?
