Does this describe anyone else, two introverts dating, can you make it work it out?
I’ve been working on my online dating profile recently, and common advice is to include a photo of yourself with friends. It makes sense, but it’s hard to do when you don’t have either.
I’ve lived the last decade without really having any friends. It wasn’t intentional, but it’s just kind of happened. I’ve lost touch with all my friends from school, and since then everyone I have met has been through work. I have great relationships with a few coworkers, but at the same time I’m not really interested in hanging out outside of work (they are older and have families anyway). And none of my interests or hobbies really require interacting with other people. I feel my need for social interaction is fulfilled by my family and work friends. This doesn’t bother me. But I am concerned that it will be perceived as strange or a red flag. Obviously the solution is to make some friends. But I feel like if it doesn’t authentically happen, then it’s kind of pointless. I also don’t want to just use people. Or maybe I’m making too big of a deal about this? To girls who point that out in front of me. Just realise that I am happier being more introverted than most usually having loads of randoms and not being secure and being able to be by yourself shows weakness more than strength. I’d rather be by myself than date someone who demands me to have social status on her level or higher for the sake of it to make her feel better about herself. It’s about having the choice. I personally find most ‘friendships’ exhausting stressful and backstabbing. Why should I be made to feel guilty for my lack of social experience when I’m the one that has been treated so bad since childhood. I am negative and bitter because I was rejected. The same way exactly being rejected by women. No one wants to be around me since I was a child. Yet people are assuming it’s because of my toxicity now this is why I am in this position. I would spend most of my time in school hiding out in the toilets crying. It got to the point where people would notice - and instead of trying to help they would point it out and mock. I eventually fixed this and it got better with work and relentless therapy. But it never changed how dismissed I feel as a person from society. As people point out I now live a bitter and defensive life as a result. Here’s my explanation why.. I was the one that was treated like shit since birth. I was the one handed with unfair genetics and genetically given issues since birth that gave me slower function - which severely impacted my social ability. I feel like my life is a death sentence since the day I was born and it is extremely tough for me to live. I would love, to be able to feel like I was an extrovert, and could hang out with loads of friends and enjoy myself. Because I do when I can as others have pointed out don’t believe I am fully introverted which I also agree with. I have a couple of friends which are ride or die. Some believe I am toxic but how am I expected to escape a toxic lifestyle if I have been treated such way for 15 years during school, exactly. People say it’s a big red flag as if it’s something that I chose to happen. Yes I chose in a sense that I’d rather not deal with the stress of it. But I didnt choose to have lifelong birth issues and social anxiety which made me feel ignored and invisible to multiple people throughout school. I tried to join they’d tell me to go away. How am I supposed to fix those things exactly? It’s a bit better now. But this is why I struggle. This is the last statement I’m going to say on this matter. I didn’t think that basically saying I was happy on my own would receive the amount of ridicule. People say I’m defensive but a lot of comments here are VERY defensive and offended possibly about how well I’ve managed to cope being on my own and happy with it and I get vibes that people are offended by it. I’m not responding to anyone else or causing anymore fights. I am hyper aware of my issues. Reddit is a place to vent and let them out. This does not make someone a toxic person. Everyone is human and has a right to let go of negative experiences and difficulties in their lives which might help them to move forward as some more stuff that comes out of you could be a good signal of that. If you have a problem with me reacting to my life experience which you have mostly admitted to be all negative, well I really don’t know what to tell you except I am trying hard and things feel a lot different now. I just felt the need to express something from the heart and what has been my biggest life defeat (which for the record we all have and you are lying if you don’t) where I wasn’t happy that someone could judge your relationship skills based on how many friends you had. That was all. I hope everyone seriously has a good day. You tell me I’m toxic but some of you should really look back over your own comments. In comparison, some of you look way worse than me. Just saying. It looks like I’ve really hit a nerve with some of you. Most of the people I’m (21 M) interested in are physically attractive, but as soon as i try holding a conversation with anyone, i usually lose interest due to them lacking any depth within their personality (or if they aren’t goal oriented and mindful of others), I’ve met a few other INFJ’s in real life, and it sucks bcuz i truly do love these people as friends and they understand me very well and wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship by dating them. Most people who i like, either don’t understand me and lack depth, or i love them too much as friends. Which sometimes makes me feel like I’m gonna die “alone”, but atleast I’ll have friends 🥲 I'm in my 20s. Everyone around me in their 30s or older, are all married. Some are fairly happy while others are miserable and feel trapped. I wonder what it's like for people who chose to stay single. Are you comfortable with that choice or do you regret it? Personalitywise, what is crucial for you in a spouse?
I have "a few" random questions I've always wondered. When answering, it would be helpful to know your level of "experience" and gender. Feel free to skip questions that don't interest you. Is it better to have an extroverted SO? Is it a significant disadvantage if your SO has below-average intelligence, or do you not mind?
Is it a deal-breaker if your SO is selfish, dishonest, and/or not a good person? (E.g., would you accept someone who is a good fit in terms of finance/attraction/family/work/interests but is morally questionable?) Are your hobbies: mutually exclusive, slightly overlapping, "let's do your thing then let's do mine", or ...?
Would you feel intimidated/insecure if your SO was superior to you in almost every way? (E.g., you feel guilty if you're not pulling your own weight, or you can't grow together.)
Guys, would you rather have a (functionally) perfect housewife who accepts you but can't relate to you, or someone less competent who can relate/understand and who you can share deep thoughts with? How important is it that your SO is kind (and not just to you)? Is it enough that your SO tolerates and accepts you, or do you need empathy from them? Do you want them to understand you or is it irrelevant as long as you can work well enough together. Should your SO be your best friend, or do you need same-sex friends to fulfill that role?
How important is it that you can share anything with your SO, such as emotional/intellectual venting, fetishes, and your fully honest (sometimes offensive) thoughts?
Do you prefer your friends and their friends to be: mutually exclusive, mutually inclusive, or in between?
If you ran a business together, and assuming they're competent in the business, could it be productive if you mindlessly took orders from them or would being bossed around get on your nerves in the long term? How do you reflect on your relationship? Did logic or emotion bring you together? Are you happy with that point of view?
Bonus question: If INTPs tend to prefer one-on-one or solitude, are there any INTPs who married someone "cool" (part of an in-group that was too cool for them)? How did it go? As someone who is about 70-30 introverted, i’ve always thought I would match well someone who is a little more extroverted, someone who can push me to be more social and whatnot. However, am I unnecessarily limiting myself? Do you think it would work to date someone as introverted, or even more introverted as myself? As an introvert one I rarely have relationships outside family or work, because I don't know how to behave in public (I mean I do know how to behave I just don't know how to start contact I feel like I might bother the other person). Sometimes there is a cute girl or a cool dude next to me but I don't know hot to approach her/him. So how did you meet? Are both of you introverts? Tell your story. I've never had a girlfriend or a girl friend. I use to be highly introverted util college but now I try to be more expressive and social outside my comfort zone. But I just make things awkward and weird and people either misunderstood me, get offended or ignore me. Perfect for my mid night anxiety. What's the best way to approach people?
I’ve lived the last decade without really having any friends. It wasn’t intentional, but it’s just kind of happened. I’ve lost touch with all my friends from school, and since then everyone I have met has been through work. I have great relationships with a few coworkers, but at the same time I’m not really interested in hanging out outside of work (they are older and have families anyway). And none of my interests or hobbies really require interacting with other people. I feel my need for social interaction is fulfilled by my family and work friends. This doesn’t bother me. But I am concerned that it will be perceived as strange or a red flag. Obviously the solution is to make some friends. But I feel like if it doesn’t authentically happen, then it’s kind of pointless. I also don’t want to just use people. Or maybe I’m making too big of a deal about this? To girls who point that out in front of me. Just realise that I am happier being more introverted than most usually having loads of randoms and not being secure and being able to be by yourself shows weakness more than strength. I’d rather be by myself than date someone who demands me to have social status on her level or higher for the sake of it to make her feel better about herself. It’s about having the choice. I personally find most ‘friendships’ exhausting stressful and backstabbing. Why should I be made to feel guilty for my lack of social experience when I’m the one that has been treated so bad since childhood. I am negative and bitter because I was rejected. The same way exactly being rejected by women. No one wants to be around me since I was a child. Yet people are assuming it’s because of my toxicity now this is why I am in this position. I would spend most of my time in school hiding out in the toilets crying. It got to the point where people would notice - and instead of trying to help they would point it out and mock. I eventually fixed this and it got better with work and relentless therapy. But it never changed how dismissed I feel as a person from society. As people point out I now live a bitter and defensive life as a result. Here’s my explanation why.. I was the one that was treated like shit since birth. I was the one handed with unfair genetics and genetically given issues since birth that gave me slower function - which severely impacted my social ability. I feel like my life is a death sentence since the day I was born and it is extremely tough for me to live. I would love, to be able to feel like I was an extrovert, and could hang out with loads of friends and enjoy myself. Because I do when I can as others have pointed out don’t believe I am fully introverted which I also agree with. I have a couple of friends which are ride or die. Some believe I am toxic but how am I expected to escape a toxic lifestyle if I have been treated such way for 15 years during school, exactly. People say it’s a big red flag as if it’s something that I chose to happen. Yes I chose in a sense that I’d rather not deal with the stress of it. But I didnt choose to have lifelong birth issues and social anxiety which made me feel ignored and invisible to multiple people throughout school. I tried to join they’d tell me to go away. How am I supposed to fix those things exactly? It’s a bit better now. But this is why I struggle. This is the last statement I’m going to say on this matter. I didn’t think that basically saying I was happy on my own would receive the amount of ridicule. People say I’m defensive but a lot of comments here are VERY defensive and offended possibly about how well I’ve managed to cope being on my own and happy with it and I get vibes that people are offended by it. I’m not responding to anyone else or causing anymore fights. I am hyper aware of my issues. Reddit is a place to vent and let them out. This does not make someone a toxic person. Everyone is human and has a right to let go of negative experiences and difficulties in their lives which might help them to move forward as some more stuff that comes out of you could be a good signal of that. If you have a problem with me reacting to my life experience which you have mostly admitted to be all negative, well I really don’t know what to tell you except I am trying hard and things feel a lot different now. I just felt the need to express something from the heart and what has been my biggest life defeat (which for the record we all have and you are lying if you don’t) where I wasn’t happy that someone could judge your relationship skills based on how many friends you had. That was all. I hope everyone seriously has a good day. You tell me I’m toxic but some of you should really look back over your own comments. In comparison, some of you look way worse than me. Just saying. It looks like I’ve really hit a nerve with some of you. Most of the people I’m (21 M) interested in are physically attractive, but as soon as i try holding a conversation with anyone, i usually lose interest due to them lacking any depth within their personality (or if they aren’t goal oriented and mindful of others), I’ve met a few other INFJ’s in real life, and it sucks bcuz i truly do love these people as friends and they understand me very well and wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship by dating them. Most people who i like, either don’t understand me and lack depth, or i love them too much as friends. Which sometimes makes me feel like I’m gonna die “alone”, but atleast I’ll have friends 🥲 I'm in my 20s. Everyone around me in their 30s or older, are all married. Some are fairly happy while others are miserable and feel trapped. I wonder what it's like for people who chose to stay single. Are you comfortable with that choice or do you regret it? Personalitywise, what is crucial for you in a spouse?
I have "a few" random questions I've always wondered. When answering, it would be helpful to know your level of "experience" and gender. Feel free to skip questions that don't interest you. Is it better to have an extroverted SO? Is it a significant disadvantage if your SO has below-average intelligence, or do you not mind?
Is it a deal-breaker if your SO is selfish, dishonest, and/or not a good person? (E.g., would you accept someone who is a good fit in terms of finance/attraction/family/work/interests but is morally questionable?) Are your hobbies: mutually exclusive, slightly overlapping, "let's do your thing then let's do mine", or ...?
Would you feel intimidated/insecure if your SO was superior to you in almost every way? (E.g., you feel guilty if you're not pulling your own weight, or you can't grow together.)
Guys, would you rather have a (functionally) perfect housewife who accepts you but can't relate to you, or someone less competent who can relate/understand and who you can share deep thoughts with? How important is it that your SO is kind (and not just to you)? Is it enough that your SO tolerates and accepts you, or do you need empathy from them? Do you want them to understand you or is it irrelevant as long as you can work well enough together. Should your SO be your best friend, or do you need same-sex friends to fulfill that role?
How important is it that you can share anything with your SO, such as emotional/intellectual venting, fetishes, and your fully honest (sometimes offensive) thoughts?
Do you prefer your friends and their friends to be: mutually exclusive, mutually inclusive, or in between?
If you ran a business together, and assuming they're competent in the business, could it be productive if you mindlessly took orders from them or would being bossed around get on your nerves in the long term? How do you reflect on your relationship? Did logic or emotion bring you together? Are you happy with that point of view?
Bonus question: If INTPs tend to prefer one-on-one or solitude, are there any INTPs who married someone "cool" (part of an in-group that was too cool for them)? How did it go? As someone who is about 70-30 introverted, i’ve always thought I would match well someone who is a little more extroverted, someone who can push me to be more social and whatnot. However, am I unnecessarily limiting myself? Do you think it would work to date someone as introverted, or even more introverted as myself? As an introvert one I rarely have relationships outside family or work, because I don't know how to behave in public (I mean I do know how to behave I just don't know how to start contact I feel like I might bother the other person). Sometimes there is a cute girl or a cool dude next to me but I don't know hot to approach her/him. So how did you meet? Are both of you introverts? Tell your story. I've never had a girlfriend or a girl friend. I use to be highly introverted util college but now I try to be more expressive and social outside my comfort zone. But I just make things awkward and weird and people either misunderstood me, get offended or ignore me. Perfect for my mid night anxiety. What's the best way to approach people?
