Were you ever betrayed by your own family?
I was abused growing up, both physically and psychologically by members of my family. A lot of people in the family knew about this, none of them did anything about it, all quoting Bible verses to me, saying that I needed to honor my father and mother or I would die young and badly. Any attempt I made at contacting the police or authorities myself was met with severe punishment. And nobody else even considered helping me do so. In fact, my family kept me homeschooled most of my youth to keep me from ever getting much chance to tell a teacher or somebody outside the family who might care. I nearly got out once, when I was 15. I told my grandparents (in their 70s at the time, 88M and deceased and 87F now) and two of my aunts (40s, F at the time, now 59F and 55F) about everything that was being done to me, or at least most of it, and was told by all of them that it was my fault. So I did something I'm not proud of now, I ran away from home, stealing my grandparents car to get as far away as possible. I figured one of two things would happen, either I'd get away, or I'd get caught by the police for stealing the car, and I'd be willing to do the jail time so long as I got that one on one with a police officer to tell somebody about what was happening to myself and my two younger brothers (24M and 23M now, 14/13 at the time). Being a dumb kid, I got caught a few hours later. But my father begged my grandparents not to press charges, and begged them not to let the police question me, because he didn't want me getting a chance to report him. So I was back to square one, and ended up being stuck in the same hellhole for another two and a half years. My family already had a fairly galvanized opinion of me by my teenage years, being the one who dared to stand up to being abused (I am realizing now I sound a bit whiny by glossing over how I was abused, but it's mostly been to spare myself a lot of the memories. One favorite was to lock me in our small shed for a couple of days at a time for extremely minor offenses, no food, no water, no bathroom, no sunlight, in a small closet sized building, many others were at least as unpleasant), when they were so dead set on not doing anything about it. But the family in general, the aforementioned grandparents and their four children (59F, 58M, 55F, and up until two years ago my father, who would now be 52M), and their spouses were almost always united against me on some issue. I became the target for any malicious behavior in the family, and the scapegoat for any problem. When I turned 18, I tried to escape, but couldn't get away. Family members called my job repeatedly and anonymously reported me for random things constantly until I got fired from multiple positions. If I tried to press charges, they threatened me with made up crimes against me, and many of them promised they would all testify against me. I was scared. I am still scared.
I finally met a wonderful woman, and we got married. We removed ourselves from the family, though it took some ugly legwork. During this time my family did everything from making threats to stalking me and showing up at my apartment that I hadn't told them about to opening credit cards in my name. But finally, as we twisted ourselves away, things quieted down. Things got peaceful. I was at a job that wasn't great, but it paid decently and I got to be outdoors, and it brought me peace. This lasted almost two years. During this time, my father passed away, and my mother and brothers moved to another state, leaving only extended family locally. About a year and a half ago, I suffered a severe back injury. Completely non-work related, but it has turned into a legal situation. For about 10 months I was out of work, and my wife had to leave work for a time to help me so much as get out of bed. We quickly could not afford our apartment, and ended up needing a place to stay. In stepped my grandparents, in their 80s by this point. We moved in with them, staying in their garage. I was extremely worried, given the past that I have with the family, but chose it over homelessness. Everything was fine until the past 60 days or so.
In the last six months, I've recovered enough to get a low paying entry level easy office job on light duty, but I'm not trained for any light duty jobs, I've almost always had industrial and construction sector jobs, so I'm making about a third of what I was formerly making, not enough to pay for an apartment. My wife was also working again by this point. However, my grandfather's health declined rapidly in the last few months, and my wife had to quit her job to take care of him, because we couldn't afford a caregiver, and the rest of the family couldn't (or wouldn't) either. He finally passed away on May 15th.
In my grandfather's last few days, my uncle (58m) and his sister, my aunt (59f) decided to start interfering in my legal case for my injury, which is ongoing. They began pressuring me for my lawyer's contact information and for me to turn over paperwork from my case to them. I steadfastly refused each and every time. But they then began using threats against me, threatening to have me trumped up on charges or accusing me of taking advantage of the elderly. In actuality, my grandmother probably needs us at the house, because she constantly leaves the stove on, nearly causing fires, or frequently has near misses with car accidents. But my aunt/uncle began harassing me, making it known multiple times that they didn't want me around helping out their mother.
The harassment has gotten worse as time goes on. Many threats have been made to me, and I'm genuinely scared to go to the police. They've been harassing me so much that it has caused extreme stress for my grandmother, and then my aunt came over today. She told me I either had to give over all my private information to her or she would make sure I left the house that day. I refused, and she then proceeded to talk to my grandmother in private for a good hour or two. After it was concluded, they returned to the room and said I had to be out by the end of the day. I'm supposed to have 14 days by law in those type of situations. But my aunt said if it wasn't by the end of the day then they'd come after me. I left. My wife is staying at her mothers, but there's only a small patch of floor available there, it's a one bedroom apartment, and my back can't handle sleeping on the floor. Plus I don't want my family to drag my MIL (50s F) into it. I'm scared. I'm alone. I'm sitting on a park bench. I have nothing, I can't afford an apartment, I have 700 in savings, I spent a ton of my original savings helping pay for recent funeral related expenses for my grandfather. I have no car, I can't keep clean enough to keep my job while homeless, and my wife only has gotten part time work since the funeral. Is there anything I can do here? Everybody that is supposed to have been a support network in my life has been attacking me for longer than I can remember. What did that one family member do that the rest of the family considered a betrayal? What's the worst way someone you trusted betrayed you? What is the biggest betrayal you have faced? My parents betrayed me. I don't know what to do.
So my mother went out of state to go visit and friend and has been gone for several weeks. My father, who rarely goes on vacation, ended up going out there as well. I was told that my mother was going out to help a friend set up her new home and my dad was going out to relax.
Last night I ended up finding out that the real reason my parents left was to go see the wedding of my cousin who sexually, physically, and mentally abused me for four years. My parents do know about what happened so I have no idea why they would want to spend hundreds of dollars to see that man get married.
I was with friends when I found out and too upset to actually speak to her, so I ended up texting my mother because I wanted to see if she would tell the truth. After some probing, she finally admitted it and claimed that she was going to tell me eventually. She's been on vacation for three weeks, so I can't help but wonder when she was "planning" on telling me. She told the reason she went was for my aunt, I'm assuming because their relationship has been strained since the whole thing came to light. She also said "That part of ur life is over. Don't think about that". Yes, because she knows whether or not this affects me to this day.
I just don't know where to go from here. I don't know if I should ever speak to them again. People who've had family members backstab/betray them, what happened and how did you deal with it? Guys who were betrayed by parents/siblings but forgave them and let them back in your life. What did they do and how/why did you decide to forgive them?
My family basically as an adult needed my help and I ended up being lied to which lead to debt and my credit being destroyed. I don't think I can ever trust them again; but on the other hands its the only family I have. Tell me your stories of forgiveness please. What's the most betrayed you ever felt by your parents? What was the worst family betrayal that you lived through? Her oldest is a girl (13) who has been extremely difficult with hormones, anxiety and OCD in recent years. My wife and I have butted heads with her alot and wife reached out to her ex alot about spending more time with him and him helping more. One weekend with her dad, she came back saying her dad was going to sign her up for school in her town and she'd live with him. This enabled her to end up living with him for a month and refusing to come home. Ended up going to court and she was ultimately forced home by court but ex enabling daughter was the end of our good relationship with him.
Enter my parents who kept contact with daughter because they love their grandkids. Wife felt this was behind her back.
My brothers came to visit for a weekend after daughter came back from ex's. We haven't seen brothers since before covid. We had plans to see them on the Saturday, but we ended up finding out that ex (on his night with them) took the 2 step kids to see my brothers at my parents house where they were staying on Friday because they already planned to during the time that daughter had run away to his house.
My wife flipped at me about my parents. I was completely shocked and upset to find out that her ex and my parents did this, but I told my wife that it was her ex who is really the asshole. He had no right to try to meet up with my parents and my brothers given the situation. He knew, and my wife and I knew, that my parents didn't want to get involved in any of our drama that put them in the way of seeing their grand kids. I sternly talked to my parents about how I found it BS that they met up with them. I'm trying to move past this by enabling the kids to have a relationship with my parents, but ultimately my wife is pissed so I'm personally not really invested in the relationship with my parents right now other than my kids.
AITA for continuing to allow my kids a relationship with my parents? I had to go over with them one day because the youngest is 4 and won't go without me or my wife there (difficult phase with "strangers"). This was brought on by my wife who knows I want a relationship with my parents and also our kids texting my mom that I and the kids miss them and want to see them (I understand she was trying to be thoughtful of my feelings, but mixed messages here? ). My wife says my parents committed the ultimate betrayal and should apologize before she'd even consider even having the kids have a relationship with them, let alone her. But all communication has been through me and I haven't demanded they apologize, she hasn't said anything to them. How were you betrayed by a close friend/family member? She constantly fiddled with my emotions and used it to keep me under her thumb. When she realized she no longer held that power over me, she turned around on me and started using other people and my own emotions to hurt me.
I feel betrayed because growing up she always told me that nobody but her would care about me all the while she actively put her friends, and even worse, the men in her life before me. I’ve been abused at the hands of so many people because she chose not to pay attention to my emotional disturbances all because I was a colicky baby and was called a liar and over-exaggerator. I couldn’t show emotions and if I did show emotions, they were the wrong emotions and now I don’t know how to emotionally regulate myself because of all the manipulation and weaponizing she did.
The worst part is how long it took me to realize what she was doing. She used other people to do her dirty work so she could be the hero that saved me. She treated with disdain in private and as a show doll in public. She was the parent I lived with legally but I was tossed around so much from home to home when she didn’t want to be near me. I grew detached from her during those times but as soon as she was near me, I was walking a minefield trying to please her and was deathly afraid to show emotions. I feel so lost and so broken as a person now. I often doubt my experiences but too many people have called me out for the drastic, often people pleasing, responses that I have for it to not be true. What is a time you felt totally betrayed by your parents? What did your parents do that messed you up for life? How did your parents fail you and deceived you? What is something that your parents did that you swore never to repeat to your own kids? How did your parents screw you up?
I finally met a wonderful woman, and we got married. We removed ourselves from the family, though it took some ugly legwork. During this time my family did everything from making threats to stalking me and showing up at my apartment that I hadn't told them about to opening credit cards in my name. But finally, as we twisted ourselves away, things quieted down. Things got peaceful. I was at a job that wasn't great, but it paid decently and I got to be outdoors, and it brought me peace. This lasted almost two years. During this time, my father passed away, and my mother and brothers moved to another state, leaving only extended family locally. About a year and a half ago, I suffered a severe back injury. Completely non-work related, but it has turned into a legal situation. For about 10 months I was out of work, and my wife had to leave work for a time to help me so much as get out of bed. We quickly could not afford our apartment, and ended up needing a place to stay. In stepped my grandparents, in their 80s by this point. We moved in with them, staying in their garage. I was extremely worried, given the past that I have with the family, but chose it over homelessness. Everything was fine until the past 60 days or so.
In the last six months, I've recovered enough to get a low paying entry level easy office job on light duty, but I'm not trained for any light duty jobs, I've almost always had industrial and construction sector jobs, so I'm making about a third of what I was formerly making, not enough to pay for an apartment. My wife was also working again by this point. However, my grandfather's health declined rapidly in the last few months, and my wife had to quit her job to take care of him, because we couldn't afford a caregiver, and the rest of the family couldn't (or wouldn't) either. He finally passed away on May 15th.
In my grandfather's last few days, my uncle (58m) and his sister, my aunt (59f) decided to start interfering in my legal case for my injury, which is ongoing. They began pressuring me for my lawyer's contact information and for me to turn over paperwork from my case to them. I steadfastly refused each and every time. But they then began using threats against me, threatening to have me trumped up on charges or accusing me of taking advantage of the elderly. In actuality, my grandmother probably needs us at the house, because she constantly leaves the stove on, nearly causing fires, or frequently has near misses with car accidents. But my aunt/uncle began harassing me, making it known multiple times that they didn't want me around helping out their mother.
The harassment has gotten worse as time goes on. Many threats have been made to me, and I'm genuinely scared to go to the police. They've been harassing me so much that it has caused extreme stress for my grandmother, and then my aunt came over today. She told me I either had to give over all my private information to her or she would make sure I left the house that day. I refused, and she then proceeded to talk to my grandmother in private for a good hour or two. After it was concluded, they returned to the room and said I had to be out by the end of the day. I'm supposed to have 14 days by law in those type of situations. But my aunt said if it wasn't by the end of the day then they'd come after me. I left. My wife is staying at her mothers, but there's only a small patch of floor available there, it's a one bedroom apartment, and my back can't handle sleeping on the floor. Plus I don't want my family to drag my MIL (50s F) into it. I'm scared. I'm alone. I'm sitting on a park bench. I have nothing, I can't afford an apartment, I have 700 in savings, I spent a ton of my original savings helping pay for recent funeral related expenses for my grandfather. I have no car, I can't keep clean enough to keep my job while homeless, and my wife only has gotten part time work since the funeral. Is there anything I can do here? Everybody that is supposed to have been a support network in my life has been attacking me for longer than I can remember. What did that one family member do that the rest of the family considered a betrayal? What's the worst way someone you trusted betrayed you? What is the biggest betrayal you have faced? My parents betrayed me. I don't know what to do.
So my mother went out of state to go visit and friend and has been gone for several weeks. My father, who rarely goes on vacation, ended up going out there as well. I was told that my mother was going out to help a friend set up her new home and my dad was going out to relax.
Last night I ended up finding out that the real reason my parents left was to go see the wedding of my cousin who sexually, physically, and mentally abused me for four years. My parents do know about what happened so I have no idea why they would want to spend hundreds of dollars to see that man get married.
I was with friends when I found out and too upset to actually speak to her, so I ended up texting my mother because I wanted to see if she would tell the truth. After some probing, she finally admitted it and claimed that she was going to tell me eventually. She's been on vacation for three weeks, so I can't help but wonder when she was "planning" on telling me. She told the reason she went was for my aunt, I'm assuming because their relationship has been strained since the whole thing came to light. She also said "That part of ur life is over. Don't think about that". Yes, because she knows whether or not this affects me to this day.
I just don't know where to go from here. I don't know if I should ever speak to them again. People who've had family members backstab/betray them, what happened and how did you deal with it? Guys who were betrayed by parents/siblings but forgave them and let them back in your life. What did they do and how/why did you decide to forgive them?
My family basically as an adult needed my help and I ended up being lied to which lead to debt and my credit being destroyed. I don't think I can ever trust them again; but on the other hands its the only family I have. Tell me your stories of forgiveness please. What's the most betrayed you ever felt by your parents? What was the worst family betrayal that you lived through? Her oldest is a girl (13) who has been extremely difficult with hormones, anxiety and OCD in recent years. My wife and I have butted heads with her alot and wife reached out to her ex alot about spending more time with him and him helping more. One weekend with her dad, she came back saying her dad was going to sign her up for school in her town and she'd live with him. This enabled her to end up living with him for a month and refusing to come home. Ended up going to court and she was ultimately forced home by court but ex enabling daughter was the end of our good relationship with him.
Enter my parents who kept contact with daughter because they love their grandkids. Wife felt this was behind her back.
My brothers came to visit for a weekend after daughter came back from ex's. We haven't seen brothers since before covid. We had plans to see them on the Saturday, but we ended up finding out that ex (on his night with them) took the 2 step kids to see my brothers at my parents house where they were staying on Friday because they already planned to during the time that daughter had run away to his house.
My wife flipped at me about my parents. I was completely shocked and upset to find out that her ex and my parents did this, but I told my wife that it was her ex who is really the asshole. He had no right to try to meet up with my parents and my brothers given the situation. He knew, and my wife and I knew, that my parents didn't want to get involved in any of our drama that put them in the way of seeing their grand kids. I sternly talked to my parents about how I found it BS that they met up with them. I'm trying to move past this by enabling the kids to have a relationship with my parents, but ultimately my wife is pissed so I'm personally not really invested in the relationship with my parents right now other than my kids.
AITA for continuing to allow my kids a relationship with my parents? I had to go over with them one day because the youngest is 4 and won't go without me or my wife there (difficult phase with "strangers"). This was brought on by my wife who knows I want a relationship with my parents and also our kids texting my mom that I and the kids miss them and want to see them (I understand she was trying to be thoughtful of my feelings, but mixed messages here? ). My wife says my parents committed the ultimate betrayal and should apologize before she'd even consider even having the kids have a relationship with them, let alone her. But all communication has been through me and I haven't demanded they apologize, she hasn't said anything to them. How were you betrayed by a close friend/family member? She constantly fiddled with my emotions and used it to keep me under her thumb. When she realized she no longer held that power over me, she turned around on me and started using other people and my own emotions to hurt me.
I feel betrayed because growing up she always told me that nobody but her would care about me all the while she actively put her friends, and even worse, the men in her life before me. I’ve been abused at the hands of so many people because she chose not to pay attention to my emotional disturbances all because I was a colicky baby and was called a liar and over-exaggerator. I couldn’t show emotions and if I did show emotions, they were the wrong emotions and now I don’t know how to emotionally regulate myself because of all the manipulation and weaponizing she did.
The worst part is how long it took me to realize what she was doing. She used other people to do her dirty work so she could be the hero that saved me. She treated with disdain in private and as a show doll in public. She was the parent I lived with legally but I was tossed around so much from home to home when she didn’t want to be near me. I grew detached from her during those times but as soon as she was near me, I was walking a minefield trying to please her and was deathly afraid to show emotions. I feel so lost and so broken as a person now. I often doubt my experiences but too many people have called me out for the drastic, often people pleasing, responses that I have for it to not be true. What is a time you felt totally betrayed by your parents? What did your parents do that messed you up for life? How did your parents fail you and deceived you? What is something that your parents did that you swore never to repeat to your own kids? How did your parents screw you up?
