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Why are there soo many single mothers in America, who gives these men permission to walk out when they've had enough fun with a woman?

I lived in the U.S for two years when i was 5 years and i was brought back here (africa). When i was in America i saw neighbors were so suspicious of each other. One would complain if the other's dog crossed to their porch yet sometimes they greet each other (for formality i guess). Everyone minded their own business and if you had a problem you either find an inhouse family member to help because your problems can never be shared with neighbors or extended relatives. We'll over here i can cross a stranger's compound without any suspicion. From what i see right now, single motherhood is like a lifestyle in America and people treat it like its normal. What happened? Is it the culture of self-centeredness that has made men to take women's time, have kids then divorce them after fulfilling their needs. How comes women sacrifice to give men their time and have kids with them only for the men to walk out after a couple of kids. Women feed the ego of men and afterwards the men go for better deals elsewhere. Divorces happen everywhere in the world i know but its not normal if 3 out of 5 households are single mothers. This is what happens to a society that thinks humanity is leisure. I dont understand how kids grow up wounded by the mistakes of selfish parents. FIY, i wanted to vent, don post hate messages, just give your opinion if you feel like you want to contribute. I am not married so maybe i dont understand all that happens in a marriage. But im in a capable position to see whats wrong and give my opinion

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cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

Great question. I read a book about the subject and the author believes that the root cause of this is a combination of men who are narcissistic sociopaths manipulating gullible women to form a relationship and then abandoning them when the women get pregnant and moving on to their next woman, thus spreading their genes and creating a higher rate of sociopaths every generation. Sometimes the women don't even know the man's real name because they are great at creating a false identity to fool them so they can't be tracked down later for child support, and also skillful at moving around from place to place. Like one talk host said, if a woman believe she's old enough to get into a relationship with a man she should be wise enough to find out who he really is before getting into a situation where she's going to get pregnant. Another reason for this problem is the government financing the single women's medical costs in regard to the pregnancy, food stamps, substidized housing, welfare etc. Teen girls living in a single-mother household will often brag about plans on getting pregnant and getting their own apartment (just to get away from their mothers), this came from a man I know who was teaching math in an inner-city school with the highest drop-out rate in the Oklahoma City area.

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Sharon · F

In the UK, single motherhood is a lifestyle choice for a lot of girls.

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Sharon: Here too.

silentkev · 31-35, M

Some men brag about it you know, how they are moving to the next relationship so i believe when you say theres a breed that is just enjoying the mess they leave all over

silentkev · 31-35, M

@Sharon: Yes i agree some mothers do it out of choice, but i still think they just form a fraction of the large population of single mothers

Sharon · F

@silentkev: I don't know what the proportion who choose single motherhood is but I suspect it's significant. In the UK, thanks to the benefit system, it can be a very attractive proposition for a girl.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@Sharon: Lol okay i understand, what about men who want to be single fathers, do you have proposition for that as well in UK

Sharon · F

@silentkev: Not really. In theory single fathers with care and control can claim most of the benefits available to single mothers. In practice, the SS (Social Services) do everything in their power to prevent men having care and control of their children.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@Sharon: Lol thats being hard on men, but anyway its natural for mothers to have advantage when it comes to giving parental care

Sharon · F

@silentkev: It's even worse when, after being forced out and denied access to their children, they're accused of being "dicks" who chose to abandon their children.

The idea that the mothers, no matter how bad, should have care and control of their children is responsible for a lot of child abuse and child deaths.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@Sharon: wow, you have really opened my eyes to the side of the story. I was just bitter because i thought its entirely negligence and pride of men. But what i'm learning from you is that some are away from their children and are suffering because of selfish mothers

Sharon · F

@silentkev: I thought that was well known. Children are often separated from their fathers by spiteful women. It tends to be put over as fathers being denied access to their children, something society doesn't seem too concerned about.

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Sharon, SilentKev: I felt I had no other choice but divorce because my husband was not contributing fairly to the support of our child, she needed health insurance and he was spending a good portion of what he made on frivolous things as though we didn't exist...he had to pay child support when we divorced and it was the minimum which he resented.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@Sharon: I now see what you meant by saying some women push the men out, they can be that malicious

silentkev · 31-35, M

@cherokeepatti: I understand what you mean. In that case he was being really selfish and you made the right move. Some people fail to see responsibility and instead they spend on things that are really not important. If you had stayed you would be straining a lot just because he was being inconsiderate and selfish,

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@silentkev: I figured I would die if I stayed in that marriage, I was getting sick all the time from the stress, the tobacco smoke and lifestyle, always working and feeling like I wasn't accomplishing anything. I didn't even sleep well at night dreaming of never ending jobs like digging holes and refilling them only to dig more...very symbolic for what I was feeling at the time.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@cherokeepatti: Haha yes it feels like digging holes and refilling them which equals to no work at all. Some women are enduring all that stress and suffering because they do not want to be left alone so they remain silent and take the crap. You were really smart on this one. Im sure you would have not had a good quality of life if you had decided to stay

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@silentkev: No I didn't stay that long because of that. I gave the man every opportunity to change his ways and he wouldn't even consider counseling, instead pointing his finger at me and telling me it was me who had the problems. Yes I had problems but wasting money and neglecting the home and other duties was not any of those problems. One human being can only do so much, it takes two people to work out a marriage.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@cherokeepatti: Very true, in a family if one partner is not playing along then the other partner will automatically feel the imbalance and will try to work hard to fill the holes. If the balance is not restored soon enough the ship would sink. The best thing to do is to run away to safety before the ship collapses with you. This is what i was talking about on my post. Some men pretend to be committed and once they have had the marriage they all of sudden feel the need to pursue another life that only fits their interests. They dont care whether they are hurting their partners or children. Best thing to do is to do away with them before they start sucking your emotions and energy

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@silentkev: It's becoming too common with both sexes. I have a niece who is a narcissistic sociopath, she is a nightmare.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@cherokeepatti: Lol i hope i dont find one like that. Its worse for a woman to be like that because her kids will suffer most

Sharon · F

@silentkev: @cherokeepatti: There's good and bad in both sexes. In some cases the man is at fault; in others the woman is; in yet others they're both guilty. There are too many misandrists ready to blame men for everything that goes wrong and too many misogynists ready to blame women.

It's easy to say the father just left, especially as he isn't there to defend himself, when what actually happened was that the mother drove him away out of pure spite.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@Sharon: Thats true. So i guess the blame shouldnt be placed on one sex, its an open-ended problem

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@silentkev: Yeah and she dumped the raising of them on her grandparents, they are in their mid-80's...I have no respect for that selfish little bitch at all.

silentkev · 31-35, M

@cherokeepatti: Aw that is so disgusting, she dumped them on her grand parents? Which straight thinking human does that? Theres no humanity in that woman at al

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@silentkev: I'm finished with her. She chose to be with a man who wants nothing to do with children.

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