That's the problem with sides--it pits one against the other rather than finding common ground, compromise, recognition of each other's needs and our own responsibilities. Marriage is a partnership in a life than spans far more than sex or financial security, although a successful one usually requires a good dose of both. The ideal one is between partners who complement each other--one's strengths balances the other's weaknesses--and shared mutual values, including each other's roles and responsibilities.
My wife of 43 years frequently thanked me for giving her the freedom and financial security to pursue a variety of different jobs/careers, and being involved in raising our two kids and some of the housework. At the same time she recognized that I was the primary bread winner in a career that required 60 hour work weeks and 24/7 on call status which required her to be primary parent and housekeeper most of the time. We both acknowledged our needs for sex, but also there were times when one or the other of us was too tired or distracted for sex, and respected that. Who wants sex with an unwilling or passive, disconnected partner?
It should not be transactional. It cheapens both sex and marriage.
