Husband unemployed for 1.5 years.. he isn’t trying to find a job

Y’all.. I am totally freaking out. My husband of 5 years, we dated for 2, 7 years total.. I’m 32 he’s 40.. he was an attorney.. with a masters degree.. extremely smart.. kind, good looking, so funny and witty... when we got married everything was amazing..we both supported each other and have had a great relationship.. we had a beautiful baby girl 4 years into our marriage. I hit my career harder than ever, I thought he was until about 6 months after our baby he started calling in a lot and had all kinds of excuses why he couldn’t go to work, in his mind though “out of the blue” he got fired from his job of 9 years.. we had 70k in savings, he went through this huge depression and by 7 months in he told me the week before our mortgage was due he had spent it all and had $800 left.. I was devastated.. I thought he was saving and at that point I demanded to see his bills.. at all went to stupid stuff like paying his loans, going out to eat. He’s had a huge alcohol problem and I’ve paid for counseling which he called the guy a quack.. and blew off the rest of the sessions I paid for... things looked like they were turning around when he finally got a job...only to get fired 6 weeks into it because he wasn’t enough of a quarterback... now. Here we are... again.. I’m supporting us.. paying for everything..he’s now going to start Uber driving.. he also just broke the news to me he needs to file for bankruptcy...he’s also been on 6 interviews and has done terribly in all of them.. I think he’s now been blackballed from the industry.. he has no fight left in him.. the only thing he enjoys is being with our baby girl.. and I’m starting to feel really taken advantage of.. busting my tail to keep my business going. I work a lot...His dad also has done this to his mom, doesn’t work she’s 68 and pays for everything and work 60 hours a week.. I don’t want to be like this.. he’s still the love of my life but I’m at a breaking point.. he doesn’t seem to care about anything in the world of have any ambition to pick himself back up.. I’m finding my resent-fullness come out a lot.. I’m so unhappy and it’s gone on too long.. I can’t bare to leave him because I just feel like if he could show a glimpse of ambition it would change everything.. he’s perfect other than that.. and a few minor flaws.. but we all have those. What do I do? I’m so beside myself

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

Funny story: Years ago, I had just reconciled with my now exwife. Things were just getting better. She had moved in with her mom for a few weeks, but had just moved back in. She was literally bringing in her bags when I went out to the mailbox and brought in the bills...she had run out of minutes on her cell plan and the bill was north of $400. I hit the ceiling.

That's when I knew it was probably done. She could be warm, tactful, friendly, a ray of sunshine...but when it came to anything financial, she was an irresponsible fuckup.

It's up to you how much of a dealbreaker that is. Only you can figure that out. But what you cannot do is mitigate damage by discounting the good qualities that he and every human being has. Marriages are tough to navigate when one party isn't pulling their weight.

Sorry that is happening and good luck to you.

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

Did you guys workout in the long run? That’s a great story thanks so much for sharing. Gave me a little chuckle and it definitely is a different way of looking at things and true!@uncalled4

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@Brassm0nk3y No. That was part of the reason, though not the only one. I hate to see people split up. I am much more sensitive now that I went through a divorce. Thanks for the kind words!